Struggling enormouly with transition to secondary school.

[EccentricaGallumbits]

DD doesn't do changes well at all.
She is spending this week at the secondary she'll be going to in September. Virtually her whole class will be going to the same school. She has close friends in her tutor group. DD1 already goes to the same school.

She is being a bit of a nightmare as I suspected she would and is really really struggling.

I am not looking forward to the summer holidays with her working herself into a frenzy of misery.

Any ideas or tips on how to make it easier?

[Pyrocanthus]

Apart from sympathizing as the mum of a year 6 child, I don't really know what to suggest as she's with friends and having plenty of time in the new school. Have you spoken to her new tutor about how she is when she's actually in school? Teachers have seen it all before, she/he might be able to advise based on what they've seen of her this week.

Good luck.

[scienceteacher]

Is there anything specific that DD is worried about?

[EccentricaGallumbits]

sorry. been at work.

Nothing specific she's worried about. she is just a strange, anxious, obsessive type who hates school with a passion. A year or so ago she went through a phase of school refusal (total refusal to go unless I dragged her there kicking and screaming) and I can't face that again (nor can she!.

Today went better I think from what she said on the phone earlier. It will just be a long few weeks until she starts.

[feralgirl]

Agree with Pyro Try to get a meeting with her new form tutor, preferably for you, her and the tutor. Tell the tutor in advance that DD has been a school refuser in the past. Get them to set her mind at rest. And also she can meet him/ her and forge a bit of a relationship before everyone else.

It's the sort of thing that I would want to know about my mentees (my school has a mentoring system rather than tutor groups). I would be more than happy to do it if it were me and I would go out of my way to make an anxious new Y7 as comfy as poss. Secondary teachers have more available time than usual at the moment as Y11 have gone so make the most of it.

[Kayteee]

Have you thought about taking her out and home educating? You could always try it for a while and see if she feels better.

[chestnutlodge]

Why don't you leave it for the summer holidays, and then just see how she goes for the first few weeks of seconday? You could ask the school if it's OK if she does just mornings for the first few days, and tell her that you're coming to pick her up at lunchtime, but that if she wants to stay, that's fine! Going home early would give her something to look forward to, and also some reassurance (the day often looks pretty long in the morning), and she might love it so much by lunchtime, that she wants to stay.
Another thing is, secondary is very different to primary - don't worry unduly until she's there properly, she might love it!

[faeriefruitcake]

What about taking her to the school for visits, as many as you can. Speak to her new Head of Year and explain the situation and ask if she can meet her new tutor and see her new classrooms, library and canteen. If possible a timetable for next year so she can not be so worried by the amount of new subjects.

I have talked with anxious students and shown them round, showing them lists of clubs, the mentoring room, meeting the mentors, meeting teachers have all helped.

Does your school have an E.W.O. (education welfare officer), if she has been a school refuser in the past maybe they already have stratigies in place for her. Chat with the Senco to see what support would be in place for your DD.

Big up how different this new school is from the one she hated, new people, new subjects, new teachers and new start.

[deaddei]

I hope the summer is going well for you.
I have a dd going into yr 8, and she hated primary school due to bullying/friendship issues- having ocd didn't help.
However, she has had a WONDERFUL year 7- she is not the most academic of girls, but has had A for effort in her report, and the school has really brought out a previously hidden talent for sport. Her friends are not girls from primary school, and shetakes part in lots of after school/lunchtime activities.
She has an excellent tutor, and I would recommend having a one to one with your ds's teacher/head of year when she starts. I have found my ds's school very open and they respond quickly to an issue- some girls in her teaching group were very disruptive- I called her head of year_ situation dealt with (as far as it could be)
On the first day, make sure she has a group of friends to go into school with- look happy-even if she's quaking inside!
Hope everything goes ok.