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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

14 year old daughter not going to school

25 replies

Mandyw27 · 10/10/2020 17:09

My daughter isnt going to school at the moment. She was groomed on line 2 year ago and the man got 18 years.
We gave had councelling for her twice and she is bullied at school non stop.
She has a fab school mentor who has been amazing but my daughter has now seemed to have hit a brick wall.
Tells me she wants to die and font want to be here any more.
She says if I send her back she will kill herself.
I'm not sure what to do.
I have applied for a different school and no spaces so I have to appeal
I'm panicking about being fined for her not going.
Any one else had the same problem

OP posts:

Report

Ellie56 · 10/10/2020 17:48

Get her signed off by a GP or CAMHS and ask the LA to make alternative provision for her as she is still of statutory school age.

Mandyw27 · 10/10/2020 19:08

She is under CAMHS at the moment. We had emergency meeting last thursday and I'm waiting for the person arranging weekly meetings..I'm not sure about local authority though or what to do there

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IHateCoronavirus · 10/10/2020 19:10

Is home schooling an option?

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/10/2020 19:11

Could you get her DLA and then use the money to pay for online school?

ILoveAnOwl · 10/10/2020 19:13

If she was under Camhs in our area they could refer to 'hospital school' which is basically at home tutoring. Maybe you could see if this is a thing where you are?

Ellie56 · 10/10/2020 19:47

Under Section 19 of the Education Act 1996 the LA has a statutory duty to provide alternative education if your child is unable to attend school.

www.ipsea.org.uk/faqs/what-support-should-the-la-give-me-if-my-child-is-out-of-school-for-any-other-reason

Mandyw27 · 10/10/2020 21:22

Home schooling would yes but would the school do it

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Mandyw27 · 10/10/2020 21:25

I'm going to speak with the schoolnpn Monday.
My daughter has agreed to go and see her school mentor on tuesday and I've asked my sister in law to go in with her as I'm at work.
I am always ringing and emailing the school every day.
Just wish she had got a place at the school we had asked her to transfer to.
I am hoping the appeal will work

OP posts:

KoalaRabbit · 10/10/2020 23:42

Hopefully you will win appeal, would have thought you stood an excellent chance as that's horrific circurmstances. I wonder if its worth trying to get an EHCP for emotional needs, may take 6 months, but means you can name a school and have support. School senco would be good to advise on that or local authority SN team, doesn't need to be any educational needs other than finding hard to access due to emotional difficulties.

KoalaRabbit · 10/10/2020 23:45

Also if you phone LA and talk to their inclusions team they have people who help keep children in school - they maybe able to help or know someone else who can.

Neolara · 10/10/2020 23:48

Do you know why she does not want to go to school?

Mandyw27 · 11/10/2020 08:24

She is being bullied due to bring groomed on line by a paedophile and this person shared pictures around to everyone on her friends list and then it got passed around. She get ridiculed every day and its mental torture.

OP posts:

Neolara · 11/10/2020 12:05

That sounds horrendous. I'm not surprised she wants to avoid school. Has the school got any ideas how to tackle the this? And how to keep her safe, especially during unstructured times (break, lunch). There needs to be a really detailed plan about how to tackle the bullying, probably involving peer support. Could she come in 10 minutes after everyone else and leave 10 minutes early to avoid the bullies? Or could you just aim to get her in initially to a favourite lesson where she has lots of friends. The trouble is, if she avoids school completely, it will probably just make her fear even worse. She needs to know that everyone is going to be working fiercely to stop the bullying, and at the same time supporting her back into school in a way she is happy with. Not going to school solves the problem in the short term, but just causes a whole mass of other problems in the long term. This must be a really terrible time for your dd and your whole family. I'm sorry you are having to go through it.

Mandyw27 · 11/10/2020 13:25

It dont matter which class or lesson she goes to she has it. She just keeps saying that if I send her she will kill herself.
I just think she needs moved schools away from everyone.
She just cant cope

OP posts:

OverTheRainbow88 · 11/10/2020 13:44

I agree moving schools is the best option in this case, and home schooling whilst awaiting a place.

I would also make a formal complaint amount current school, as they need to get the bullying sorted. And possibly need to add some lessons about online grooming etc.

I’m sorry you and your daughter are going through this, I hope she gets a School move and everything settles down.

KoalaRabbit · 11/10/2020 13:54

I think moving schools is the best option in this case - she shouldn't have to put up with bullying like that.

Theworldisfullofgs · 11/10/2020 14:00

I think i would write to your governors. Its unusual but your current school can deem themselves not suitable for your daughter. Definitely the case for SEN . It has to be supported by the Chair of governors.

Moving school would definitely be the best thing for your daughter.

TagMeQuick · 11/10/2020 20:15

Homeschool while you wait. Buy her some books and get her watching GCSE revision stuff on YouTube - there are some excellent resources on there. Also Khan Academy.

You won't be fined as her mental health is at stake.

Don't send her in, it's not worth it. She's obviously traumatised and completely beside herself.

I'd suggest a family move to another county in these circumstances if you can. She needs a fresh start as even if she moves to another school locally, rumours seem to spread no matter what.

Bunnybigears · 11/10/2020 20:19

Moving to a new but nearby school isn't necessarily the answer unfortunately as kids know kids in the other nearby schools and the problems seem to follow them. I would look into online school or like a pp said could moving location be an option?

Luckypoppy · 11/10/2020 20:27

Homeschooling isn't up to the school. That's your choice. It's you making the commitment to ensure she gets an education at home. Speak to your local education authority before you make any decisions as she would be 'off roll' of the school and therefore have no access to any services they provide.

Luckypoppy · 11/10/2020 20:28

At the minute, maybe make her day more school like. Use Oak Academy to help you.

essexmum777 · 11/10/2020 20:28

Don't send her in tomorrow, look into deregistering and homeschooling

fishnchops · 25/10/2020 20:56

I'd suggest you contact Sendias, IPSEA or Educational equality for advice. I understand LA's are obliged to provide alternative education for children who have been too ill to attend for 15 days - I'd speak to one of the above to see what support you're entitled to. It might be worth you looking into an EHCP to get educational support but the above contacts will be able to advise you on this. Please don't worry about missed education, she can catch up later xx

fishnchops · 25/10/2020 20:58

Also, please don't de-register her before getting advice. You may lose valuable support by doing so.

fishnchops · 25/10/2020 21:06

PS, an EHCP can provide home tuition, online schooling (eg Interhigh) or admission to a more suitable school along with therapies to support her. Don't feel pressure to send her to school now as this clearly isn't the right environment for her.

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