Punishment for year 7 boy

[Remmy123]

Son started secondary this year, already I have had a few calls from head of year about behaviour.

Messing around on the train twice.
Eating in class
Slouching at desk with no book open

I've told the school to do whatever they need to they have my full support.

What punishment for home? We are thinking permanent ban in the x box - anything else? Want to nip this in the bud now as this is way too soon to be getting in to trouble I'm shocked as generally always been very good!!

Thanks so much

[OverTheRainbow88]

I wouldn’t ban the x box permanently as that’s not really achievable and you’ll probs give in so would have the opposite effect.

What about a week ban?

[ReginaaPhalange]

Take away phone and Xbox for a week

[CherryPavlova]

Two for those are for the teacher to sort - don't ruin your relationship and become overly punitive for nothingness issues that school should deal with.

All children mess around on the trains. How bad was it? Does it really warrant a punishment and how did you find school find out about it?

[unmarkedbythat]

A permanent xbox ban for very low level misbehaviour? That's ridiculously over the top. What would you do if he did something actually serious?

[Aquamarine1029]

Have these people ever worked with children before? Sarcasm aside, I find it absurd that they have even called you about these "problems" unless your son is throwing his schoolmates off the train. Again, sarcasm.

[Prestel]

The eating and slouching in class are school behaviours so let the school deal with it. I don't see why you would punish at home if he's already been punished at school.
As for misbehaving on the train, I'm a bit confused about this. Who told you he has been messing around on the train? Has he admitted it? Do you know what happened and why? It's not really possible to give an opinion on how to deal with this without more info. "Messing around" is a broad term. It could be barely anything or something quite serious. I'd also be much more worried about what's prompted the change in behaviour than what punishment to give but as you asked, a lifetime ban on x-box is ridiculous. What will you take away the next time he misbehaves and the time after that?

[Mummacake]

My son has also started y7. Is your son happy or are there any problems at school? I don't know why they're contacting you about slouching etc - they should deal with that in class. Maybe have a chat with him and find out if there's underlying issues. Mine get Xbox removal for disrespect but I'd remove the phone for a week maybe - do long as there's nothing underlying.

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

If he's previously been well-behaved at school, then it sounds to me more like he just needs to get used to the stricter discipline and higher behaviour standards of secondary school. IME (my son is now year 8) teachers tend to be a bit stricter right at the start of term, then gradually relax once they've asserted their authority.

I wouldn't be doing any kind of punishment at home, to be honest. This kind of behaviour is for school to deal with and it sounds as though they are. I'd probably have a chat with him to make sure he understood the rules about behaviour, and see if there was anything else going on with him. I'd also make it clear that I really don't expect any further calls from school

[SirSamuelVimes]

Permanent ban leaves you nowhere to go next. Do a week and make it clear than it's a week ban per phone call home from now on.

That said, they are very small infractions to be getting a call from the head of year about, no school I've worked in would be calling home for that. Either it's a very strict school - in which case he needs to get used to it - or they are going hard at the start of the year in an attempt to set a standard, but may relax over time.

[Remmy123]

Thanks all very good advice.. this is a new chapter for us!

6th form took a picture of him - he wasn't hanging off the bar though in the pic but wasn't wearing his mask

Re eating in class - he said he was putting crisp packet from blazer into school bag and head of year walked in at that moment.

He is really upset as going from primary to secondary (a strict one) must be hard.

Also hard for me because he is telling me one thing and teacher another (about the crisp packet)

So we have agreed to a weeks ban on Xbox

[Aquamarine1029]

I'd be seriously doubting the common sense and ability of his teacher tbh.

[Remmy123]

@Aquamarine1029 really?

See I just don't know what to do - child saying one thing / teacher another

He is crying his eyes out 😢

Husband says I'm too soft - I'm not but it's all so new to them

[unmarkedbythat]

Slouching with no book open and eating in class are not big enough problems to warrant punishment at home on top of whatever penalty the school has imposed. I would have significant concerns about a school which thought they were, not least about the ability to deal with real issues.

Not wearing a mask on the train I would penalise him for.

[Aquamarine1029]

See I just don't know what to do - child saying one thing / teacher another

The teacher calling you about slouching and a one off snack incident is absolutely ridiculous.

Not wearing a mask on the train I would penalise him for.

He needs to be spoken to, and warned that there will be consequences if he refuses to follow the rules, but immediately "punishing" him for this is far too heavy handed, and I say that as a mum who was always big on discipline. He's 7, Ffs. Working with him and guiding him will be far more effective than just punishing him for such minor infractions. Little children have an enormously difficult time wearing masks, and I have no doubt he's not the only child in his train with the same issue.

[Remmy123]

@Aquamarine1029 he is year 7

[Changemyname18]

He's year 7, not age 7 aquamarine. And i dont understand why cherrypavlova you think that all kids mess about on trains. I commuted for many years on a route that was also a popular school route. Most of the kids did not mess about. Those small minority that did were very annoying and potentially a danger to the other passengers at some times. Messing about and not wearing a mask is not acceptable. He needs to understand this.

[BadDucks]

Aw poor boy excessive punishment I think. Just a talk about expectations is enough. As for being called about slouching good grief I’m a bit lost for words on that one. Give him back his Xbox!

[Aquamarine1029]

Sorry, my mistake. Obviously, year 7 changes the train situation entirely. Tell him to keep the damn mask on or suffer the consequences which will be swift and unpleasant.

[DonaldTrumpsChopper]

My Dc's schools would both phone home in these circumstances. They want to establish the ground rules very early on and both schools have high expectations of behaviour.

The train thing in particular, because it reflects on the school. They do get complaints from the public who see the dcs in uniform not wearing masks.

Personally, I wouldn't punish at home, but I'd make it absolutely clear that I wasn't happy, no excuses. Warn him that school will be extra strict with year 7, and he has to be on best behaviour until the teachers know him and relax a bit (which they will).

[averythinline]

I would do an xbox ban for weekend for the train and leave the school stuff for school to sort out...although would say repeated calls from school about behaviour would be a different matter..

My ds got a detention on his 2nd day for getting lost so late
And 4th day got wrong corridor/chatting...was absolutely mortified and really upset I did nothing as with your boy never any issues in primary but did say if started being frequent....it never did..

Let him just chill tonight snack and rest...go gentle they are tired and stressed we always had fri as rest night ...big cuddle..your dh is probably thinking with adult head...and long term ..but if this is first then give chance...

[AlwaysLatte]

Not a permanent ban, totally unrealistic - I'd go for a week, dependent on good behaviour. You can take it away as a stick but you also need the carrot to give it back!

[Kidneybingo]

Definitely don't do a permanent ban, he's got nothing to work towards. It is better to nip in the bud rather than deal with bigger issues later. It would be the train issue in particular that would warrant it.

[Remmy123]

Oh I didn't mean to write permanent ban (typed to quick) - we have agreed to a weeks ban - I was just saying to my husbabd banning all weekrbd feels a bit much as they arnt allowed it in the week .. anyway

The other kids don't wear a mask either so I guess he didn't want to be only one but he managed to get photographed!

Thanks for your advice it's all a big change to secondary - I'm just worried he now hates school because it's got him a ban, trying to get him to understand the school have standards they are trying to enforce is going in one ear and out the other!

[Remmy123]

... he just keeps crying!

[caringcarer]

What about 1 day Xbox ban for each misdemeanor. That way he knows what to expect if he acts out again. Also leaves you with wiggle room if his behaviour deteriorates.

You could also give him a chance to earn Xbox back 1 day sooner by apologising at school and showing exemplary behaviour. That way you are firmly putting him in control of when he gets Xbox back.

Explain to him he has to decide how to behave and good decisions are rewarded and bad decisions attract punishment. Make him know he is in charge of his own destiny.