Siblings at different schools- through choice

[ShivD]

Hello, I have a bit of a school dilemma regarding sending siblings to different schools.

First a bit of background- My eldest DS is about to start year 8, his school has been ok but we’ve had a few issues (albeit some not due to the school, but, factors getting there) and have enquired about wait lists at 2 other schools but it is looking likely nothing will happen before next week. Covid seems to have put a stop to any conversations we were having regarding this. His school is a boys school and they are extremely strict, hand out detention like sweets and have a massive amount of homework comparatively.

We live in a highly oversubscribed area for catholic schools and actually preferred a different school. When we were offered his current school we’re happy enough and counted ourselves lucky to get a school that was on our list.

We (him and his parents) feel if he does this year at his current school then he’s likely to stay for the duration of his education.

So back to the issue in hand, my DS2 is about to go into year 6 and would really like to attend a Co-Ed secondary school and given that we’ve not had a great start with DS1s school, we’re really considering applying for 2 other schools as first and second choice.

I just always assumed my kids would all attend the same school so I’m just feeling a bit strange about them potentially going to different ones.

Has anyone chosen different schools for siblings purposely? If so, how have you found it?

[alldonenow2]

I sent my 2 sons to different schools.

We chose the school that we felt would suit each of them best - one went to a big very academic school and the other a smaller mixed-ability school. The decision was based on the size of the school and curriculum offered. Both did really well and were happy. Horses for courses! I felt it took the competitive pressure off them to be in separate schools - there is only one year age difference between them.

Good luck with your decisions.

[Feminist10101]

My sister and I went to different schools. One of my parents was a teacher at the catchment school and I didn’t want everything I did getting back to them. So I chose a different school. My sister went to the catchment school.

[Gemma2019]

All of my kids are at different schools and always have been. I chose the best school for each child rather than just go for the local catchment school.

[crazycrofter]

My kids are at different schools - since sex and they’re a boy and a girl but they’re not at the linked schools. Dd is leaving her school for sixth form and going to a different boys school which takes girls for sixth form. Her brother’s school also takes girls but we never even considered it for her as it wasn’t the right fit and he’s found the journey difficult.

It’s not been an issue, they’re very close.

[crazycrofter]

*single sex schools

[BackforGood]

Yes, my dc went to different secondary schools
Indeed, my siblings and I went to 3 different schools too.

I'm not sure why you think it would be an issue?
At secondary age, most dc would get themselves to and from school independently. You should always make the 'best choices you can, for each child, on each occasion you make a decision about their lives', not put all the thought into the eldest child's 'choices' and then expect the others to follow suit.

[megletthesecond]

Mine will be.
11yo DD is very challenging and violent and I wanted her older brother to have a safe space away from her.

We're lucky to be one mile walking distance from several average secondaries in a large town so we had the choice.

[Tinty]

I went to a different school to my brother. We moved into an area when I was 10 and I couldn’t get into the great catholic school and so I had to go to the terrible local catchment school.

My brother went to the great catholic school.

It did not make a jot of difference to my brother or I, we always got on like a house on fire, we just went to different schools.

He did well, I did badly. But that was down to how bad my school was and his good his was.

The fact we went to two different schools make no difference to us.

[BluebellsGreenbells]

At one point I had 3 in different schools.

Now I have one at one school and two at another.

They don’t care.

The downside is clash on sports days or parents evening award ceremonies etc

[montventoux]

I'm in an area with lots of single sex grammar schools, so it's very common around here (both because of the SS thing and also because of siblings passing/not passing the 11+). It's also quite common to have one in private and one not, for the same reason.

[Decorhate]

Yes our closest secondaries are also single sex so it’s not unusual around here.

[GingerCalico]

@Feminist10101

My sister and I went to different schools. One of my parents was a teacher at the catchment school and I didn’t want everything I did getting back to them. So I chose a different school. My sister went to the catchment school.

Thats really funny! Sounds like me. For me - I loved it, My brother was a right arsehole I was happy to get some peace away from him at school!

[Polly99]

I'm likely to end up with one at private boarding school and one at a comp (an excellent one).
Different schools suit different kids. Until recently my oldest was at a single sex academically focussed school, rather rigid in its approach, which just would not have suited my bright but dyslexic youngest.
Sometimes people suggest to me that it isn't treating children fairly not to do exactly the same for all of them - but I think if your oldest has a choice about where they go to school it is only fair to let the ones that follow have the same input. Seems to me that IS treating them fairly.

[Alsoplayspiccolo]

We did.
DD started at the local company but moved to an indie girls school in year 8.
DS moved to an indie co-ed in year 7.
He’s now going into year 10 and DD has chosen to move to his school for 6th form.

Apart from the odd logistical nightmare, having them in different schools worked well and each child has been at the school that suits them best at the time.

[ShivD]

OFGS, i’ve replied twice and both times it has gone missing.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, it’s been helpful to read them.

I guess because it’s the norm around you to send something to the same school, I just automatically assumed that’s what we would do that as the time is getting nearer that Doesn’t seem to be the right choice.

As some of you have said, Different schools suit different children.

Funnily Rough when I was discussing the boys potentially going to different schools with them last night I asked DS2 how he would feel and he replied ‘we’re already at different schools, Mum!’

[ShivD]

I dictated that reply hence the awful S&G 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Snorkelface]

We all went to different schools (three of us), junior and senior, due to a combination of factors including financial and academic and a house move. The school run was the only complication at one point but then we all ended up on the same bus route for senior school. It was never an issue other than that.

[Branleuse]

my dd is starting a different school to my ds as I think it would unsettle ds to have dd there

[Bakeachocolatecaketoday]

I think if you include private schools in this you will find many siblings at different schools as when you pay and bring exams into the mix you choose for each child.

Mine are at the same school, but we were close to deciding differently....I think choose the school for the child.