Starting secondary school with no friends

[2008twin]

My DS has just found out that no one from his primary school will be in his Y7 class. He is feeling a little nervous but generally ok I’m panicking. Should I ask secondary school if he he can move to be with some other boys in this class but then I think he’ll be the third wheel? Does this generally work out ok and kids mix well in this year or are they usually all paired up with someone they know?

[Embracelife]

he will be fine. Most schools do ice breaking activities for year 7.
He can see his old friends in break or extra curricular activities

[SE13Mummy]

It generally works out fine and more often than not, those children who transferred from primary together often go their separate ways. By being in a class with 29 people he doesn't know, your DS as an opportunity to reinvent himself if he fancies doing so because no-one will have already identified him as the chess champion, one who always gets asked to sing a solo or whatever.

DD1 went to a secondary where she didn't know another soul. She's just finishing Y10 now and says she's so glad she didn't go to the same school as most of the other girls from Y6 because she thinks it was good for her to have a chance to try new things. In Y7 she did loads of sports that I doubt she'd have tried if she had existing friends to hang out with because at primary, she wasn't thought of as being sporty. She has a lovely group of friends who have common interests rather than just being in the same primary school class.

If you can convince yourself to think of it as an opportunity rather than as a disappointment, I expect your DS will follow your lead. Get him to make sure he knows his mobile number so he can give that to new classmates right away - lots of messaging about homework etc seems to happen in Y7 and it's an easy way to check out if anyone else wants to try out debating club or whatever too.

[2008twin]

Thanks both for replying. You’re right I’ll try and see it as the opportunity it probably is and I’m sure the school will help him.

[Useruseruserusee]

I started secondary school completely on my own, didn’t know a single other person there. It was a selective school and I was the only person from my primary to get a place.

It was absolutely fine, I settled quickly and made friends. Try not to worry about it.

[jessstan2]

I'm sure he'll be fine, lots of children go up to 'big' school without knowing anyone. He won't be the only one.

[Wolfiefan]

His tutor group will likely be different to his classes for subjects. My DS went to a secondary school with only one child he knew from primary. It did take him a while to settle in.
I wouldn’t panic. Especially not if he isn’t more than a little nervous.
Can he travel to school with the others? Arrange to meet them at break? It’s worth trying to join some clubs etc.

[Georgielovespie]

Both of my sons went to a secondary school that wasn't the typical school for their primary.

Ds1 went up with a child he knew from primary but they were not friends. Made new friends in the first week.

Ds2 went up with no one, not a soul. He is "quirky" but managed to find like-minded children within I would say 2-3 weeks. They have been a lovely group of friends ever since, he is now in year 9.

The school do team building (friendship making) lots of other children will also be separated from their usual friends too, there will be plenty of opportunities for new friends for your son. He will be fine.

[Haggisfish]

Honestly he’ll be fine.

[loulouljh]

My daughter went to secondary last year with 2 friends. Although they remain mates her best friends are two girls from different schools. Whilst I am sure it is a comfort to have friends there close by initially, in actual fact he will be fine and make new friends very quickly.

[W00t]

Schools often separate children that come from the same primary intentionally, to make them all mix.
My school runs break and lunchtime 'friendship' club so that anyone that hasn't got someone to go round with can find someone and team up.
If you have concerns after the first few weeks, do contact his form teacher.

[Ariela]

They do separate them to avoid cliques.
He'll be in the same classes/sets as others from his primary at some point I am sure.

[ladybirdpoppy]

My DS didn't know a soul when he started Y7, the school where the majority of his Y6 went to a school that involved a long commute so we opted for a school closer to home but wasnt one if their primary feeder schools. The school had good pastoral care for the new intake, he joined a few clubs at lunchtime and after school. By October half term he was in circles of lots of friends but it did take him a few months to find the right good friends for him and now he has some great pals. In a way it made him come out of his shell as he was rather quiet and shy😁

[Nishky]

Another one who’s daughter started not knowing a soul- she was terrified on day one- she is now 18 and confident and outgoing despite being shy and awkward at 11.

I agree with previous posters about your attitude being important- I talked excitedly about the opportunities and then cried when she headed off on the bus!