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Help for my daughter

(11 Posts)
Rosebel Wed 29-Jan-20 21:18:46

Wasn't sure where to post this. My daughter has in the past had bad meltdowns due to her autism but has been better in the last year. Tonight she had a bad meltdown where she admitted she's had self harming thoughts and is very stressed about school. The thing is at school one of the boys keeps saying things like who is your friend? do you have a friend? Stupid things that if she replied fuck off he'd probably stop but she can't do that. She sees it as him picking on her, it sounds horrible but I don't see it that way and don't think the school will either. She is also worried about moving house and her friend moving away in the summer
My husband has,given her the day off tomorrow and we will be going to the doctor over these dark thoughts but I feel a bit stressed. There seems to be no support for children with autism especially if they're high functioning. Is there some support I don't know about? How do I help my daughter?

OP’s posts: |
Railworker Wed 29-Jan-20 21:28:40

Your daughter is being bullied - badly.
Can you imagine if the situation was that she had no legs and a boy made fun of her because of it? Unacceptable. No-one would hesitate to label this as bullying. And your daughter is being similarly hounded due to an intrinsic issue that she cannot help. Talk to the school - protect your child.

Bluewater1 Wed 29-Jan-20 21:30:29

Young Minds are a great resource and they have a parent helpline too

Rosebel Wed 29-Jan-20 21:49:33

The school don't have bullying, that is honestly what they say. I approached the head of house over a similar issue and she made out I was overreacting and the bullying wasn't bad enough for punishment. Tbh her head of house is shit but when I tried to escalate it I got blocked at every turn. I don't think many (if any) of the teachers understand autism.
Then because the school play it down I think it's me being unreasonable. My daughter has said no-one at school understands her and I can see what she means.
I'll have a look at Young Minds thanks.

OP’s posts: |
MollyButton Wed 29-Jan-20 21:52:54

The Head of my DCs Primary once said never send your child to a school that says it has no bullying.
All schools have bullying - the difference is how they deal with it.
Your DD is being bullied.

GirlsInGreen Wed 29-Jan-20 21:52:58

Any school that says they don't have bullying- big red flag. Letter to HOY and cc Head until you get a meeting. Do they have a SENCO?

helpmum2003 Wed 29-Jan-20 21:56:40

She is being bullied.

If the school really say they have no bullying there isn't any way I would keep my child there. Horrendous. So sorry for you all.

Malmontar Wed 29-Jan-20 22:09:00

What year is she in out of interest? She is being bullied really badly. I am sending you hugs because that is heartbreaking. I would suggest you bring it up again in writing, and ask for a meeting this week as to what will be happening. I imagine they won't do much so I would also file an official complaint and CC one of the governor's. These types of schools won't do jack unless you look crazy.

Rosebel Wed 29-Jan-20 22:53:39

She's in Y7. They do have a Senco who I met before my daughter started there and who came up some ideas to help, but they mainly focus on break time when my daughter goes to the special needs area but there is nothing about helping her socially or supporting her in lessons.
The school use the phase unkind behaviour rather than bullying but isn't that the same thing? The school insist not.
I'm more determined now to get them to see bullying her due to autism is still bullying. As I said to my husband if I spoke to someone at work that way I'd get disciplined. Should be the same at school.

OP’s posts: |
AMxx Wed 29-Jan-20 23:15:23

It's bullying pure and simple. The fact that your daughter is autistic makes this bullying, and exploitative. From what you've described your daughter is not be equipped to manage this and it's clearly had a terrible impact on her. Regardless of why this is happening, the school have a statutory duty to protect her which includes responding to the bullying allegations and taking appropriate actions.

Your school should have a safeguarding lead and the board of governors would ordinarily have a governor assigned to safeguarding also. They should have a written policy which clearly outlines the responsible parties, referral processes etc where safeguarding is concerned. Bullying falls under safeguarding. I'd put your concerns in writing to the Safeguarding lead provide a time frame within which you expect a formal response and action plan to be put in place to address these issues (either deliver the letter by hand or registered mail). Include reference to who / when you raised this to and the response you got. If they fail to engage with you and take meaningful steps then to the governor. If still no relief, take it to the local authority in the area who should have a safeguarding contact. As other have said, sometime you've got to be willing to go nuts before anyone listens..

Wildorchidz Wed 29-Jan-20 23:27:21

I’m saying this because I replied on your thread last week about your abusive husband who hits you and who hit you in front of your 11 year old. Please consider the effect that his abuse of you will be having on her. Add that to the issues she is having in school and imagine the stress she must be under. Are you going to tell the doctor about your situation with your husband? What will you do if your daughter discloses what she sees?

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