How do you deal with revising?

[worriedmumtoteen]

Dd gets bus at 7.30. She gets home at 4.30 at earliest.

She has tea, a rest, but revises for 2+ hours a night. We stop work at 5/6 then make tea etc but dd is still revising.

What to do? What do you all do? Dd has said she doesn’t like us all relaxing in an evening while she is working, and I can understand that. But what do you do if you have dc taking GCSEs?

Thanks.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

In my house it's life, there have been times when I have been studying for professional qualifications and I have been doing assignments while DD is relaxing. Now I am relaxing whilst she studies just the way it is. Not everyone has to study at the same times.

[worriedmumtoteen]

OK, fair enough. It's just such a long day for her - I feel for her.

[BertrandRussell]

Is she in year 11?

[worriedmumtoteen]

Yes, Year 11. Mocks after Xmas.

[Seeline]

My DD has a similar day, but is still getting about 2hrs homework a night. School seem to be expecting revision as well. She also does dance and other after school activities which she is trying to keep up with because she enjoys them.

If she is still working at 10pm I stop her. She understands that the rest of the family have their own lives, although DS is doing A levels too (but that's a whole different story!!). I help with revision if she asks me to.

[Fizzforfun]

Could you shift the time of your evening meal from 5 to 7. That way all "chores" are finished before you all eat & the rest of the evening is spent relaxing?

[daisypond]

When does she do her hobbies or have her downtime? Can that be changed? One of mine used to go to her hobby for a couple of hours after school and all day Saturday, and I worried about schoolwork, but they managed to fit it all in OK.

[worriedmumtoteen]

No hobbies/clubs. Downtime at weekends, when she sees friends, but the school week is a hard slog. She has a tutor one eve in the week and gets tutoring from A level students 2 lunchtimes a week too.

Tea time is flexible but I have younger dc too.

[Seeline]

Agree, 5 seems very early for her evening meal. We eat anywhere between 7-7.45. DD has hers at 8.15 one evening because of a dance class, but the rest of us eat at 7.30ish that night. It does mean that both DCs can do some work before eating and some after, which does break it up a bit.

[Ohyesiam]

My dd is in year 11 and has been very resistant to 12 hours a week revision, but we have been draconian!
It improved a bit when she got a 9 in a physics test a few weeks ago , and she realised that wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t been plugging away.
We always frame it as an investment in her future. It’s just a few short months of hard work , and doors will open up for her.

To my eyes my dd has lead something of a charmed life. She has natural aptitude for lots of things. She’s doesn’t suffer from nerves or worry or lack of self belief that hold so many talented teens back. She has a stable happy family life with lots of love and support( even for her relationship with a boy I would happily not have round our house all the bloody time) . So even if she is too young to recognise quite how lucky she is, I want her to honour all her good fortune and just put some hard work in.
She doesn’t like it and has been trying to shift the goal posts constantly, but it not like it’s a punishment, it’s just not the short term gratification that teens are so fond of.

As for your dd not wanting to work while others are relaxing, that’s just part of growing up.
Remind her that it comes with stuff she wants too, like ( presumably) only two more terms of school uniform, getting to study only subjects that interest her next year, more freedom and choice ultimately.
And are you really all relaxing? My house hold has much washing up, laundry, taxiing people about, paperwork, cleaning etc going on in the evening.

[Ohyesiam]

If she doesn’t do any hobbies I’m surprised the school week is a slog.

She gets in at 4.30 and goes to bed at say 10. With an hour for eating and catching up with snap chat Or whatever, that still leaves 4.5 hours to do two hours work. The rest of the time is hers to chill? Or am I missing something.

[worriedmumtoteen]

And are you really all relaxing? My house hold has much washing up, laundry, taxiing people about, paperwork, cleaning etc going on in the evening.

Yes,w e generally are... There is some taxiing and taking other dc to clubs but most housework is done by then. Dh tends to do it in the morning as we're all up at 6.30!!

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Hmm yes we don't leave as early - 8am, but she is at school at 8.10 - then till 4 three days a week, 5 one day week and 6 the fifth day. Two days a week musical theatre for two hours in the evening, another two days she has specialist classes for an hour.
Also studying for professional auditions as well as doing GCSEs.
Yes it's hard work, but no one got any where without hard work. Year 11 is hard work.

[bpisok]

What's the problem with her revising? She wants to so why don't you want her to?

In year 11 DD (now year 13) day goes along the lines of
Up at 6.30
Leave house 7.20
School starts 8.10
Clubs at lunch time
School ends 4.30
Home 5.00
School work 5.00 - 8.30 (15 mins food break)
Martial Arts 8.45 - 10.00
School work 10.15 - 12.00.
Shower
Repeat (except Thursdays when she doesn't go to the dojo!)
Saturday morning in dojo, afternoon homework, evening with friends
Sunday's sleep until 13.00 and then school work/friends

....her choice not mine. Currently she's training for something MA related so is also doing 3 hours on a Sunday too.

I am always a bit bemused by parents thinking 2 hours work per night is a lot and they are better watching Netflix/playing computer games.

[worriedmumtoteen]

What's the problem with her revising? She wants to so why don't you want her to?

Where did I say I didn't want her to? I asked how to best deal with it, so she doesn't burn out.

I am always a bit bemused by parents thinking 2 hours work per night is a lot and they are better watching Netflix/playing computer games.

Where did I mention Netflix or computer games, @bpisok?? Don't put words in my mouth. I'd actually like dd to have a better work-life balance and be able to spend more time doing hobbies/non-school stuff.

So in Year 11 your dd got up at 6.30 and went to bed at midnight every night, having done 5 hours of homework/revision every night? DD would be exhausted by that. Teens need much more sleep.

Good point about reminding her that it's for her future and it's only short-term, @Ohyesiam.

It might be a good idea for me to make a note of when dd is working and when she's in the bath or taking a break. Perhaps she's doing more revision than she thinks she is.

[ThereIsIron]

We just let them get on with it - it's their future and they know that. If it's not done then it's on them.

[bpisok]

Yep - she sleeps for about 6 hours per night other that Saturday night when she sleeps for 12 hours (she's also on a buzz when she gets back from MA so sleep wouldn't be immediate anyway).
My DD is an extreme and I am aware of that (prob not many kids train for 9-12 hours a week)...but the point I am making is that with only 2 hours work per night there's LOTS of time for hobbies. You then manage your time to fit in with hobbies.

As for hobbies you didn't say that there was a hobby she's having to cut back on or that she wants to do....so that led me to think that it was extra ' chill time' you were talking about

There's also conflicting studies regarding teen sleep. In a US study they showed teens who slept 7 hours at aged 16 did better at SATs that those who had 8 or 9 hours. Other studies show that if they sleep less than 9 hours they are more likely to get into trouble (perhaps related to what you do with the extra hours available?)....what I do know is that the more sport she does the more energised she feels and the less sleep she needs.

[TeenPlusTwenties]

What is the time on the bus allocated to?

Is it 'dead time', or time spent 'socialising' or time spent 'revising'?

Say the journey is an hour each way (you weren't clear) is that 1.5-2 hours worth of revision she could be doing then when she is more fresh?
For example, online use of Tassomai or Seneca, learning vocab for an MFL, testing herself / friends with revision cards for History?

If you could utilise those 2 hours then she'll have more of the evening to herself.

I agree, if the evening meal can be pushed back a bit (how old are the younger siblings?) it might help her psychologically.

[Undies1990]

Are you asking what to do while she is revising because she is feeling miffed that you are releasing while she is studying?

How about helping her with revision - ask her questions, ask her to teach you particular topics, test her, watch revision videos with her? Be more engaged with helping her and she might appreciate that?

[bumblingbovine49]

Good grief. Be thankful your child is so contentious. DS won't do any revision at all. He does homework and that is all. I can. He is only in year 10 but he is sitting a GCSE this year ( RE) and taking an exam that contributes to the final result for the one BTEC he is taking

I have no idea how the poster above makes her teenager revise. DS just refuses

[mbosnz]

We eat later, between 7.30 and 8.30 - more by accident than design.

My DD gets home around 3.45-4.00pm, has lunch and a rest, then a coffee, then into it. Generally I'm rather firmly telling her that there is no further study after tea, she has to wind down. She goes to bed around 10, and is up around 6.30-7.00.

As to her resenting studying when others are relaxing - as others have said, that's life. There's times when she's relaxing, that no doubt you're running around like a fool in a fit, of a weekend, getting everything ready for the week to come.

[friedbeansandcheese]

@bumblingbovine49 - dd is very conscientious. DS will be the complete opposite

That's true, @mbosnz - dd does bugger all around the house and there are plenty of times when she's out having fun or socialising when I'm doing house stuff pr working.

@Undies1990 - we do help with revision, when we can.

@TeenPlusTwenties - she does revise on the bus sometimes but she gets travel sick so this limits what she can do.

[Comefromaway]

My son generally stays at school until 4.30pm each night for music related activities so it's 5pm when he gets home.

He does roughly 40 mins or so of either homework or revision on Seneca (his school gives very little homework) plus 2 nights per week he has a tutor for science and English. Whilst this is going on I'm getting tea ready, doing household chores etc. The rest of the time is his own (he's usually on social media or practising the piano or reherasing with his youth theatre. Saturdays he does about an hour revision then goes out with friends.

Dd did her GCSE's 2 years ago. She is an aspiring professional dancer so usually got home around 7.45pm after dance class, plus she danced 3 hours on Saturday mornings. At this point in the year she was doing about 40-45 mins study per night. Homework she saved up until Sundays and usually spent a couple of hours on it.

From Easter onwards this began to increase, school put on some after school revision sessions so she missed some dance for those and she worked her way up to around 2 hours per night during the exams themselves. She ended up with very good grades (mostly 8 & 9's)