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Is this bullying from afar(12 Posts)
Looking for feedback and advice really.
First let me set the scene: I was made redundant recently and y wife's father passed away last year, leaving her an inheritance, which we decided will just cover our dd private school fees (we have to add a little to this cost)
Our dd started in the new school i Barnet and loves every aspect of it and has made new friends.
Having only left her primary school a few months ago, she still keeps in contact with a group of classmates (all girls). She meets for play dates and keeps in touch on social media (monitored by her parents).
This week, her 'former' best friend and another friend, who are both in the same class at a new school, began taunting her on social media,
mainly Tik Tok.
The main comments have come, strangely from a friend, whose family are definitely wealthy.
The comments posted centre around taunting my dd for going to a private school, stating she is a nasty little rich kid, spoilt brat, etc.
Thing is I know the parents very well and they are all respectable and approachable.
I am looking for opinions on options please, if it happened to your child, would you:
1. Explain to your dd that it is jealousy and to ignore?
2. Contact the parents and discuss the mater with them
3. What other advice would you give?
4. Decide that 11/12yos aren't mature enough for social media and either delete for my DD or at minimum block the children being mean.
And 1. as well.
And possibly 2 if I knew the parents.
It's really hard as I have dd1 who is 11 and I check her phone messages randomly with her and we talk about appropriate use, what others do and how to respond etc. One girl was horrible to another in the group and dd asked what she should do so I went through the options but let her decide (she decided to leave the group after calling them out for being mean to their friend - I was proud of her). I considered telling the parent but I've learned that some parents don't check 11yos phones or want to believe their darlings can be mean. It really depends on how well you know the families but I'd assume the friendship is over tbh.
It's really difficult. I would go with option 1. I think now they're in secondary it's in dd's best interest to learn to handle this kind of thing on her own. Fortunately over the next few months it's likely her new friends will become more important anyway.
I would encourage her to concentrate on new school friends and block/stop contact with the mean friends
If you know the parents well, does this mean that you expect that you’ll carry on mixing with them socially? I would be tempted to send them a message along the lines of “Having looked through some of [child]’s messages, I’ve decided that she isn’t ready for social media and so will be deleting her off Tik Tok. I’m sending you a screenshot - I’m not sure if you’ll have seen these messages”. Then insert a screenshot of the most unpleasant stuff.
If you’ve socialised with the parents in the past but aren’t going to any more, be prepared for them to say it’s because you go to a private school now. If the kids are being unpleasant, it’s quite possible that the parents are quietly unpleasant as well.
Our eldest had this exact scenario when she left her state primary. In fact it all started as soon as they became aware of where she was going, and it was so bad, she was terrified about the prospect of spending her years with a bunch of ‘posh snobs’. Needless to say it was nothing like that, and by the end of the first week, she felt so happy there, and the primary ‘friends’ were history.
Get her off social media, she and they are too young.
1 and 2 and explain this is the reason social media can seriously damage mental health.
But I think she needs to cut herself off from her old school friends and do play dates with friends from the new school to establish friendships there.
I would also be wondering where the posh kids comments have come from because most children would be unaware of a particular school being fee paying, so it may well have come from their parents. In which case, you may wish to think about your friendship with those parents.
In truth, she'll drift away in time. By Year 8 new friendships will be completely established. I'd just ignore at this point.
Definitely 1 and 2, especially if you know the parents well. I’m sure they would want to know what their daughter is saying. Also I’d screenshot the messages so you have evidence of it.
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