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Shit. Moved my dd to private school and she hates it.

(151 Posts)

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Manontry Tue 03-Sep-19 00:16:12

Yes, I know. It's been literally one day. But she doesn't like the fact its single sex, hates the house system (her house has a large proportion of overseas students, not sure why its just her house thst has this) and wants to go back to her old state school.

I'm gutted for her - she was desperate to go, has a scholarship, went for two taster days. We have a bursary and she has a scholarship (sport).

I'm not one to overreact but I have a gut feeling that we've made the wrong decision.

OP’s posts: |
womaninthedark Tue 03-Sep-19 00:19:11

In a new job, I always give it three weeks. She should give it three weeks. Things will look different.

which1 Tue 03-Sep-19 00:19:20

Your first line is accurate.

It is much to soon to judge.

Manontry Tue 03-Sep-19 00:21:14

Yes I've said give it a month. She is really upset though. I thought she'd love it!

OP’s posts: |
HeadintheiClouds Tue 03-Sep-19 00:22:18

She knew it was single sex before today, though?

Manontry Tue 03-Sep-19 00:23:57

Yes, she knew and in fact wanted single sex (was sick of the disruptive boys in old school). Maybe she won't be happy anywhere sad

OP’s posts: |
Banangana Tue 03-Sep-19 00:24:10

I'd try to help her settle there before letting her leave. Is it a boarding school? Is switching to a different house an option at all?

HeadintheiClouds Tue 03-Sep-19 00:24:43

If she was happy in the taster days it’s just a blip.

Manontry Tue 03-Sep-19 00:25:36

It is a boarding school but shes a day girl. My other dd went to the same school as a day girl and loved it.

OP’s posts: |
angell84 Tue 03-Sep-19 00:25:51

What is her problem with overseas students? That sounds...weird

Manontry Tue 03-Sep-19 00:28:45

It's not really weird. There are approximately 20 girls in her house, of which 12 are Chinese and don't socialise with anyone else. That gives her 8 girls to talk to. 6 board so have made a group. The other day girl isn't friendly (she says!)

OP’s posts: |
angell84 Tue 03-Sep-19 00:31:34

Okay. If they are leaving her out, it is probably grounds for her to change house

GrimGirl Tue 03-Sep-19 00:34:09

Teens can be negative to change. In fact they can be negative to lots of things. It's more apparent when they are out of their comfort zone.

Really though it's been 1 day. Not even a proper day I expect.

Everything and everyone is new and strange and unfamiliar to her. Give it a term before throwing in the towel. She very probably will make a set if friends in the next few weeks and then by Xmas move onto another group of "better" friends as she find a herself and her "plaxe" in this new setting.

We had to change our children's school several times during thier teens due to house moves. My youngest dd had 4 schools between yr 8 and yr 10. 1 full biarding private, 1 day private, 1 gramnar and 1 comprehensive. All very different.

She was negative about each and everyone st the start despite choosing which school she wanted, taster days etc. It's part of the territory.
All but 1 (grammar) she ended up loving with many tears at the end as we had to move on.
Time and finding her friendship group will take time. Unless she is being bullied or is horrifically traumatised then you need to be the parent and make her give her new situation time.

Manontry Tue 03-Sep-19 00:35:32

She has friends in the other houses which doesn't help. I think I'm going to give it a couple of weeks then ask to change. Shame as I really like the house mistress .

OP’s posts: |
NeverTwerkNaked Tue 03-Sep-19 00:37:27

It sounds like the house is the problem rather than the school itself?

Manontry Tue 03-Sep-19 00:37:58

She was negative about each and everyone st the start despite choosing which school she wanted, taster days etc. It's part of the territory

That's reassuring (that somke ekse has gone through similar) My other dcs are always very positive about change!

OP’s posts: |
FenellaMaxwell Tue 03-Sep-19 00:38:27

I’m confused as to how the house system and house mistress are relevant to a day pupil?

Manontry Tue 03-Sep-19 00:38:30

Yes, its the house.

OP’s posts: |
Manontry Tue 03-Sep-19 00:39:44

I’m confused as to how the house system and house mistress are relevant to a day pupil?

Confused how? All day girls are allocated a house. Otherwise they'd be in their own little day girl house ghetto.

OP’s posts: |
HeadintheiClouds Tue 03-Sep-19 00:55:27

How does she know the Chinese students don’t socialise with anyone else? She’s only been there one day confused

ineedaholidaynow Tue 03-Sep-19 01:07:09

I’m confused about the house thing too. My DS goes to a private school which has boarding but he is a day pupil. The boarding houses are completely separate from the house system they have for team points etc. They socialise with everyone not just who is in their house. Does the house system in your DD’s school equate more to a tutor group?

msmith501 Tue 03-Sep-19 01:07:31

Speak to the head teacher and her support to help her settle in. Maybe even a change of house.... sometimes small things make a large difference.

Rachelover40 Tue 03-Sep-19 01:27:51

Bless her heart, it's very early days and she won't be the only one who doesn't like it - yet.

A school near me has a large proportion of Chinese pupils, nothing wrong with that. They're remarkably well behaved :-). They board too, most others are day pupils.

Most schools, state or private, have the 'house' system. I think that can be a bit OTT in many respects but it's always been there.

sendsummer Tue 03-Sep-19 05:57:35

I would say a term before considering changing school. Her worries after one day means she has n’t immediately felt in her comfort zone and there is not enough excitement to counteract that. Neither are discouraging for longer term prospects. The fact she has got friends in the other houses sounds encouraging for reassurance.
Concerning her own house, as she is a day girl the house cohort is less important as much of her friendships will be from her day activities. It is much too early to know what will happen with cliques within and outside the boarding house, the boarding girls will extend their friendships as they will get bored with just each other’s company.
The housemistress is very important and for a day girl I would tend to prioritise that over anxieties for the present cohort. However after the first half term that can be reassessed.
Also communicate to the housemistress your daughter’s anxieties especially if her attitude is as negative next week.

Teacher22 Tue 03-Sep-19 06:21:06

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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