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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

School trip

20 replies

Lilypond3 · 11/07/2019 11:07

For the first time my son has had the confidence to apply for a school trip in a subject he loves. This would be his first and last opportunity as he leaves school next year. He has a very small friendship group and he got in but his friend didn’t but is 1st reserve. Out of 28 children chosen by names out of a hat, only 4 boys were picked who would be sharing a room. The girls are in the other 6 rooms. The other 3 boys in his room are best friends and are not friends with my son and have made it clear they want my son and his friend to drop out so their other friend who is 2nd reserve can go. So, he can go and be completely on his own knowing the other boys didn’t want him there or miss out on the trip. The school have said there is nothing they can do but the teacher apologised and admitted that he wouldn’t want to go in my sons situation. It would’ve been so much better if they’d chosen 2+2 friends instead of 3+1.

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TeenTimesTwo · 11/07/2019 11:35

I think the school should sit on the other 3 boys very heavily and tell them that any sniff of ostracising or bullying about this trip and they will be the ones not going and the1st 2nd and 3rd reserve will get to go instead.

Lilypond3 · 11/07/2019 12:17

Unfortunately we have to decide and pay by the end of this week so it’s a lose/lose situation. 😞.

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RedSkyLastNight · 11/07/2019 12:17

What's the likelihood of the 1st reserve ending up going (what's happened in other years?)

28 children seems like an incredibly small number of places for the trip (or is it a small school?), so I guess something like this was always likely to happen. I have to admit I agree with the teacher, if his friend is not likely to get a place, I think he should pull out himself. Even if the other boys are perfectly pleasant to him, I think he will find the trip miserable without a friend there - I can't imagine a teenager really wants to hang out with other DC he doesn't really get along with - he'll end up spending a lot of it on his own.
(speaking from personal experience of a similar school trip )

TeenTimesTwo · 11/07/2019 12:43

Ah, now I completely disagree with Red .

I generally disagree with only doing things if friends are doing them, you miss out on too many opportunities. It is relevant to a subject he loves - he shouldn't get bullied out of doing it.

But it does depend on your DS and the other boys. If he is very unconfident and they are very vocal then I can see why you are thinking to not go.

Lilypond3 · 11/07/2019 12:45

The 1st reserve can only get a place if one of the 3 boys pulls out as they obviously have to keep boys and girls separate. All other trips have been with a lot more students but due to bullying in previous years he never wanted to go. This is a trip just for the art & photography students. It is a very large school. If they had just had 2 rooms for the boys this wouldn’t have been an issue. He was so excited about going and now it has been ruined for him. He’s going to be hearing about this trip for months and will have to see all the photos taken as that is his subject. Nothing we can do but heartbreaking all the same. His friend is in the same position and they both just wanted to experience a school trip like the other kids have.

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EduCated · 11/07/2019 12:48

I agree school need to be having a sharp word and nipping this is in the bud and reassuring your DS.

It seems odd to have ended up with such an imbalance of girls to boys.

EduCated · 11/07/2019 12:49

Just seen your update. I would be putting this back onto the school and asking how they’re going to deal with it given the situation they’ve created. And pushing as to why there is only one room for boys.

I say this as someone who organises residential trips on a voluntary basis, so I know how much hard work they are!

RedSkyLastNight · 11/07/2019 12:59

I generally disagree with only doing things if friends are doing them, you miss out on too many opportunities. It is relevant to a subject he loves - he shouldn't get bullied out of doing it.

I would agree if this was something like a club where you'd get to know people, or a one day school trip. But this is a residential trip, so presumably there will be a lot of non-subject related stuff going on. If OP's DS is not confident and doesn't get on with the other DC going (and there are so few other DC going!), then will he still be able to enjoy it or will be just be miserable for the few days? Obviously OP knows her DC best.

Lilypond3 · 11/07/2019 13:13

I have asked the school why only one room and they said there are more girls than boys in those subjects so it works out percentage wise. He won’t go on his own, he would be miserable with no other boy to talk to. I don’t know why with such a small trip they didn’t allow space for everyone, it would have only been a few more people.

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Rachelover40 · 11/07/2019 15:40

It is amazing how school trips change the dynamics of relationships. Kids who previously never took much notice of each other often come back as friends. It's so different when they are out of school in a new environment, they see other sides of each other and communicate for the first time.

I hope your son does enjoy himself, if he goes.

BusyEvenForBee · 11/07/2019 15:47

It is a tricky one. There probably not a big chance of one of the three dropping out. I would probably decline the trip if that would make my ds miserable, even if it would be for his favourite subject. Maybe you and the parents of the boy who is on 1st reserve can put money towards some other related experience boys would enjoy?

OKBobble · 11/07/2019 15:54

I would actually be asking why they think it is acceptable for 3 boys to try to bully your son out of his place so that their friend can join in.

I would take up the place and say that if there is any further bullying of this nature you assume that they will be excluding the bullies from the trip and allowing reserves to take up their places.

Witchend · 11/07/2019 20:01

I would definitely make school aware that this is the situation.
Firstly so they can make it clear to this group it is unacceptable.
Secondly so they can keep an eye on your ds on the trip and thirdly so they can sort of the allocations method for another year. perhaps do it so each child drawn can allocate a friend-and no one can be allocated twice. That way they've got the same chance, but anyone chosen gets to choose someone to go with.

Lilypond3 · 12/07/2019 11:18

Thanks everyone. The other 3 boys paid. My son couldn’t face sharing a room with them, he is much smaller than them and would feel intimidated they wouldn’t have included him so he has pulled out. It’s a shame, his confidence would’ve grown in different circumstances and he would’ve enjoyed himself.

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EduCated · 12/07/2019 14:24

Please make sure the school are fully aware of the circumstances of your son choosing not to go. Although I can understand why he chose not to, it is a real shame. I’m actually quite cross about it on your behalf

Lara53 · 14/07/2019 17:32

Where is the trip to? Could you or one of the other boys take them so that they can visit the same places?

Lara53 · 14/07/2019 17:33

One of the other boys parents I meant!!

PonderingPanda · 14/07/2019 17:38

Has his friend been offered the place now?

ThePhoenixRises · 14/07/2019 17:48

Won't his friend now get the space?

ThePhoenixRises · 14/07/2019 17:50

Tried to delete my comment after noticing the same had already been covered.

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