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Year 7 bullying should I call parents!?

(41 Posts)
candymilk Thu 27-Jun-19 17:24:50

Hi just looking for some advice.

My DS (12) coming to the end of year 7. He's had a good year apart from a couple of bullying type incidents.

At Christmas one of the boys he walked home with started punching him hard on the arm repeatedly and daily during their walks home. My son started walking home with some other boys and this all stopped.

So I thought.

He has come home tonight and said that this same boy from before has jumped on his back and pushed him to the ground and then about 6 boys have piled on top of him. The ringleader has then also hit him with his heavy cast (he's got a broken arm) over and over with all of them on top of him.

This has happened three times in the last two days.

This boys is twice the size of my son. He is almost adult size and I am worried he could really hurt him. It happens when my son is minding his own business just chatting to others.

This boy is quite competitive and aggressive and my son is not so could be seen as an easy target. Ironically the both play for the same sports team outside of school - I just don't understand why he would do this.

I want to put a stop to it. I'm worried it's becoming a habit and something he will do to my son on a regular basis. I know his mum - they have been to each other's houses - should I text her and ask to chat on the phone about it.

I'm really scared my son will get seriously hurt next time and so what is the best thing to stop it quickly without making him look like his mum has to step in! I don't want to make it worse.

Thank you xx

OP’s posts: |
RedSkyLastNight Thu 27-Jun-19 17:36:13

Raise it with his form tutor or pastoral care at school. Make sure DS understands you are doing this and why you are doing it.
I wouldn't get involved directly with parent, you have no idea how they will react and it will likely not end well.

candymilk Thu 27-Jun-19 17:41:33

Thanks for replying. I suppose I thought speaking directly to his mum would put a stop to it straight away but even though I know he it could go so wrong! Unless I was really calm and just explained the facts!?

I'm trying to work out if this is bullying or just boys messing around - although my son is clearly not enjoying it!

OP’s posts: |
candymilk Thu 27-Jun-19 17:47:18

And I also want the mum to know what a little shit her son is being. I let it go the first time as we managed it ourselves, but now it's started up again I'm worrying it's becoming a pattern.

OP’s posts: |
GreenTulips Thu 27-Jun-19 17:55:15

I’d text her

Most reasonable parents will at least listen to what you have to say and deal with it.

I’ve done both school and parents and parents are defiantly more effective.

Word it kindly

Hi Bella, jus to keep you informed your DS has jumped on mine on the way home and repeatedly hit him with his cast.

DS is quite shaken. As a one off I wouldn’t contact you but it’s happened 3 times recently and I’d really like it to stop.

If a member of the public called the police I’d sure your DS would be in a lot of trouble.

Can you give me a call when you’ve spoken to your DS.

candymilk Thu 27-Jun-19 18:01:15

Thanks for your reply greentulips. Forgot to mention that the most recent incident has happened on school premises during lunchtime.

I am really tempted to text and say something like - 'I need to talk to you about something a bit sensitive/awkward. It's about the boys. Can we have a chat on the phone at some point today'. And then explain it on the phone.

OP’s posts: |
BubblesBuddy Thu 27-Jun-19 18:02:34

Schools are responsible for DC travelling to and from school. Therefore do raise it with the school. I think the wording above for the parent might be a good thing too.

I do wonder if the boy was egged on to do it by other boys. If he is suggestable he might be doing it to get in with the other boys.

flumpybear Thu 27-Jun-19 20:13:47

If I was the mum I'd want to know - but do you think this mum would respond well?

I'd definitely email the head tonight and explain as this is a serious assault

Personally I'd be worried, if he's a big kid like grown adult size almost he could cause serious harm, particularly with a cast

He's a shitty bully - your son needs supporting! If the school doesn't react properly and effectively tomorrow then call the police, it's GBH - if they were older he'd be arrested and charged for that - just because they're classed as children it doesn't mean he can't seriously or worse irreparably damage your child

Yolande7 Thu 27-Jun-19 21:12:44

I would definitely let the school sort it out and not text the parent. She might not be interested, take her son's side or make things worse. Besides it is not just her son, there were 5 others involved. You will never be able to solve that between parents.

I would write down the incidences with dates and a very short description of each event. Send it to the form tutor and tell them, you are very concerned about these daily physical attacks. If your son has any kind of visible injuries like bruises take a photo straight away (or whenever they look the worst).

I agree with flumpybeear. If the school does not react, first tell the school that you will call the police. If they still don't react, call the police.

Tell your son that he can rely on you and you will fight his corner. Tell him, it was the right thing to tell you and the minute he stops telling you, he will have given all the power to his bullies. Tell him you will make it stop, even if he has to change school. He is 12 and SHOULD rely on the help of his parents to solve serious problems.

Bonkersblond Thu 27-Jun-19 21:23:43

Please put this in writing to the school, I believe this way they have to record it and investigate, a phone call is easy for them to brush under the carpet so that they can claim they have no bullying in their school.

thedevilcamefromthehimber Thu 27-Jun-19 21:29:20

DO NOT CONTACT THE OTHER MUM! No parent is going to see there child is a bully, go through the school.

thedevilcamefromthehimber Thu 27-Jun-19 21:29:52

Their*

TheBigBallOfOil Thu 27-Jun-19 21:30:50

I’d inform the police. This is a serious assault.

GreenTulips Thu 27-Jun-19 21:41:21

What do you mean NO PARENT?

I’ve had two incidents and contacted parents they were swift to deal with it and in both cases the child cane round to apologize and they didn’t do it again.

It works. Especially if you know the parents.

chuffnstuff Thu 27-Jun-19 21:47:46

I'd tell the parent AND the school.

candymilk Thu 27-Jun-19 22:12:56

Thanks so much for all of your replies x I'm so angry and upset I feel like storming round to their house right now. The more I think about it the worse it seems. He could have been seriously hurt.

I'm at a loss as to what the best thing to do is though - I want it to stop but I'm worried that if the bully gets disciplined etc he'll take it out on my son and his school life will be much worse - also I'm worried he'll get a reputation for being a mummy's boy so I need a clever strategy.

Have been thinking that I should ask the school to say to the bully boys that one of the many witnesses told a teacher what happened anonymously.

OP’s posts: |
candymilk Thu 27-Jun-19 22:15:41

I'm also thinking about telling the mum but she'll either be amazing and deal with it or kick off with me - she's quite a feisty loud character. I don't know her that well - just to polite chat to at the boys cricket matches. It's also complicated because the bully boy's dad is their cricket coach and we have to see them every week at the moment.

OP’s posts: |
PenguinsRabbits Thu 27-Jun-19 22:22:03

I would go via school though our school said they don't deal with journeys to and from school but old school did. That also alerts school there could be an issue at school.

I would never go direct to parents unless a really close friend.

Jaffacakebeast Thu 27-Jun-19 22:29:49

Could go either way with the mum, unfortunately even the ‘nicest’ ppl can turn if they don’t like what they hear about their child. I’d just go to the school if you aren’t friends

thedevilcamefromthehimber Thu 27-Jun-19 22:34:17

Unless your good friends with the parents of the child then I would go through school. I can tell you now there is no way she will believe a word of what you say to her if you say she's a feisty character and her son will deny it. Doing this would probably make things worse for your son.

BrilliantYou Thu 27-Jun-19 22:37:18

I'd text the mum and speak to school. I don't like 'boys will be boys' - it's bullying and need to stop now. Hopefully his mum can talk some sense into him but unfortunately that may not be the case. Make sure school is aware of it too. Your son shouldn't have to put up with this anymore!!

Starlight456 Thu 27-Jun-19 22:42:33

I would go straight Bro the school . One incident happened in school at least.

Considering the link of coach it will be far better going through school

Bunnylady53 Thu 27-Jun-19 22:47:12

“ Definitely “ not “ Defiantly”

flumpybear Thu 27-Jun-19 23:30:20

If the mum is like that then definitely speak to school first thing - don't let your child be alone with this monster - and tell school you expect them to keep him safe and if segregation happens it's negative on the bully and not your child

Tell them the account from your child and personallynid tell them unless they take this seriously, and you need to follow this up in writing on email for auditing, that you'll take it to the police as it's GBH /assault etc

But be nice with the school - but firm like you won't speak to anyone except the head (this is SERIOUS bullying and assault - the head needs to take action here)

Good luck, be strong and don't let your little boy down, fight the shitty bully til he's broken / he needs a taste of it!

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine Thu 27-Jun-19 23:35:42

Ring Head of Year 7 tomorrow - that's what they are there for and they will interview each of the kids involved. That kind of incident needs recording.

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