School refusing to call me when DD had a headache

[misscph1973]

Yesterday my 14 year old DD was in the medical room at school for 40 min. She had a headache, and the first aider gave her paracetamol. After 40 she was no better, but the first aider would not phone me, as she wasn't ill enough. My DD ended up texting me, I phoned the school and said I was going to collect her. When I arrived I was told that my DD was not allowed to contact me and that it would be marked as unauthorised absence. They suggested I get a note from the doctor if I want to pick her up in future against the advice of the first aider.

Surely they should have called me and let me me decide if my DD is ill enough for me to come and get her?

[pippistrelle]

Well I would say it depends on how ill she actually was. At secondary school in particular, it would need a full-time member of staff to ring the parents of every pupil who claims to have a headache.

Did you take her home? Did she need to see a doctor. Does she have a medical history that makes this a particular issue?

Lots of things to factor in.

[RedSkyLastNight]

Same policy at DC's school. School nurse decides if DC are ill enough to go home otherwise it is unauthorised.

In this case, the first aider had made the judgement that your DC was fine to stay at school - unless she has particular underlying health conditions that weren't known about why do you think you would make a different judgement?

[ApolloandDaphne]

I imagine many teens at school say they have a 'headache' and they cannot be phoning all the parents. They gave painkillers and assessed her to be okay to continue with her classes. I think the school acted properly.

[Sexnotgender]

I wouldn’t expect DD to come home with a headache.

[CountessVonBoobs]

You expect the school to call you about a 14 year old with a headache?

Unless it's actually a migraine and she's vomiting and can barely see, she needs to take some paracetamol and get on with her day!

[misscph1973]

I did pick my DD up.

Seeing that you all think it's fine, maybe it's a cultural thing. I'm not British.

My DD has 96% attendance. So no reason to think she is playing games.

She has had a lot of headaches lately and one resulted in her first migraine. I have just had her to the optician to make sure her glasses prescription was right. She also saw the nurse at our doctor's surgery, but we are going back now, for the note, and to ask for further investigation.

From my perspective I don't think it's right that the school does not notify me if my DD is in the medical room. And refusing to contact me on my DDs request shows that the school does not trust my DD or me to make the decision.

[choli]

You went to the school to pick up a 14 year old who said she had a headache? I presume you are a sahm.

[Chocolatecake12]

As long as you’ve agreed they can give her medication then school acted fine. It’s a headache. We all get them and have to carry on with daily life.
Unless it’s a migraine or there’s other health info you’ve not told us.

[ApolloandDaphne]

No school has time to call every parent when their child is in the medical room! You have to trust them to deal with minor stuff like headaches.

[Sirzy]

And rushing to pick her up shows you don’t trust the school.

It’s a headache. They gave her paracetamol and somewhere to rest for a bit. Picking her up seems rather ott

[misscph1973]

No, I work fulltime from home (and I am divorced and receive no maintenance but I manage just fine, not in receipt of tax credits, no debt, several holidays booked in the next few months. If that's relevant to you). It was annoying to have to leave work, but it's my DD.

Yes, my DD has had recurrent headaches and one resulting in a migraine recently. She doesn't normally even tell me if she has a headache, she just gets on with it I. But I don't think it's relevant, I think the school should have informed me and let me decide if she was ill or not.

I have now told the school about the headaches and the migraine, but I still don't think it's relevant. She had a headache, she took the paracetamol, it didn't work, and that's when the first aider should have called me.

[misscph1973]

School had already broken any trust when they didn't phone me, Sirzy.

[LIZS]

Did your dd ask them to call you? By 14 they are normally expected to take responsibility, even carry own otc medication. If she had told them she had a recent history they may have reacted differently.

[Sirzy]

She is 14 not 4!

[Whatsnewpussyhat]

Eye test is first call.
At 14 the headaches might me hormonal changes. Migraines may coincide with her periods.
She needs to drink plenty of water.

OP is just worried about her child. I think school should have told her that her DD had been taken out of class and given medication.

[misscph1973]

My DD texted me to say that the first aider wouldn't call me. So I rang the school and said I was going to collect her. She does have paracetamol in her bag.

I think the attendance requirements are crazy. And it seems to me that the school would rather keep students in school when they are not feeling well. They value attendance higher than their students.

I still don't think I am being fuzzy (DDs 96% attendance backs that up).

Thanks for your feedback, it's appreciated. I was asking to get an idea of what other parent's views are, and I got that. I am not being sarcastic, btw, this is very useful for me as a non-native. Stops me from taking it to the head teacher, because there is no point, if this is the general opinion. DD will get a not from the GP for the school, and if she feels unwell again, she will call me, and it will be unauthorised absence again.

[Yogagirl123]

I would have picked up my child too.

[TheFairyCaravan]

And rushing to pick her up shows you don’t trust the school.

Some parents have good reason not to trust schools.

DS1 phoned me from school once when he saw DS2 was ill. The teachers had told him to have a drink of water and go and take his CATs test. DS1 informed me that he was grey and had a very severe headache so I phoned the school and they confirmed this but said that he'd gone into his test. I didn't give a monkey's so went and picked him up, he puked all over the car on the way home because he had a migraine. The school was irresponsible and didn't have his best interests at heart.
They should've phoned you miss

[misscph1973]

Thank you, Whatsnewpussyhat - she just had an eye examination, all good. We are looking into this, nurse appointment next week. DD has agreed to up her water and food intake just in case.

[Looneytune253]

I find the secondary schools try to keep the children in when possible and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. They’ve always been quite sensible in our school and will call if they really need to. Maybe it’s different for us tho as my daughter actively tries to stay in school lol. So we usually get a phone call to tell us what’s happened but she’s going back to class etc

[flumpybear]

Most headaches can be sorted with water intake, sugar, paracetamol and a bit of a lay down if necessary to help things work - 40
Mins is a bit short time wise for any effect to kick in

Personally I'd want to know if there were other symptoms like fever, vomiting, blurry vision etc but first aided would check for thst - it's their role.

You are wrong, it's either absence or you send a letter to the school asking for them to contact you if she has a headache as she's having issues at the moment and needs attention.

If regular headaches then check water in take, eyes, food, stress levels and speak to the doctor if it continues and its not the basics we all look for in case it's something else - you over reacted imo

[misscph1973]

TheFairyCaravan, Yogagirl123, thank you. It's nice that I am not the only one. Sorry to hear about your son, Fairy. Sometimes it seems that schools have no clue they are dealing with children.

[misscph1973]

40 min is plenty. After 20 min there should be improvement. First aider told her to drink and eat, but wouldn't let her go to her classroom where her lunch bag was (?)

[icannotremember]

It's quite some time since I was at secondary school but in those days, they would not give you paracetemol without phoning a parent for permission to do so.

I don't think YABU. Your DD's headaches are an ongoing concern and if she felt bad enough to contact you, when she doesn't have a history of skiving, I think that matters more then the opinion of the 'first aider'.

[misscph1973]

icannotremember, she has her own paracetamol, as I would prefer her to have good attendance as it appears very important. They do have to ask my permission.

Yes, I think the attendance should show the first aider that she wasn't being silly! Thank you!