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Anyone Moved their son from Private to State School in Year 9?

(14 Posts)
piedflycatcher3 Sat 23-Feb-19 21:52:35

We're feeling it's been a big mistake sending our son to private school for 3 main reasons; he's not working very hard (seems to spend most of his waking hours on the Xbox if we let him and his exam results have been rubbish despite being reasonably intelligent), the school is 45m away so most of his friends are not local so he doesn't get to see them very often and also he seems to compare himself to all the rich boys in his year (we are not loaded at all), of which there are many. Would love advice from anyone who's contemplating the same thing or who has already moved their child. I threatened to do this last year and it frightened him into working a bit harder but it's all seems to have gone to pot again.

OP’s posts: |
gambaspilpil Sat 23-Feb-19 23:26:33

I considered moving my eldest from private as he was just so academically lazy. The school got frustrated with him as they said he had so much potential. We pondered moving and he ended up having to move in 6th form as he hadn't achieved the required grades to stay and continue his A levels. It was BTEC or leave. So he moved into a state school in 6th Form. If anything the move shocked him as he realised the difference right away. He also was upset with the lack of Rugby as he had been in the A team at his old school. I wouldn't threaten him as I did the same and it made no difference. It might be worth you taking him to an open day at the state school and he may take your seriously about moving and trigger a change.

anniehm Sat 23-Feb-19 23:27:48

Plenty do, I would suggest sooner the better though so he can settle for longer before GCSEs.

gambaspilpil Sat 23-Feb-19 23:28:13

oh and remove the xbox. we have removed DS2 as it was distracting him from working. Best thing we ever did. He gets it back at the weekend after doing all of his homework

HotpotLawyer Sun 24-Feb-19 12:07:51

“It might be worth you taking him to an open day at the state school and he may take your seriously about moving and trigger a change.”

If you take this tack do it with an open mind. He might actually prefer a state school.

Using state school, as a threat and a punishment is a bit shit, frankly.

Pythonesque Sun 24-Feb-19 12:12:30

Sounds like he would benefit from a change in school at any rate. Have you discussed his lack of work with the school as well? Hope you can find the right way forward.

willowsmumsy Sun 24-Feb-19 14:01:56

We moved from private when ours were going into year 8, 6 and 1. The kids have thrived in their state schools and love it. They've done better academically and have much nicer friends!!

IHeartKingThistle Sun 24-Feb-19 14:08:38

I can only speak as a secondary teacher in a state school but I've taught a few kids who have moved from the private sector and they have all found the move hard. Sometimes it's socially (though that can happen moving between any schools) but often it's because they can come in quite ahead academically and then think they don't have to work as hard, which causes problems further down the line.

I'm not saying don't move him, but maybe bear that in mind!

FourRedShoes Sun 24-Feb-19 15:08:33

Remove the x-box. I can't see why parents complain about their kids not working and then we hear "he spends every waking moment on it if we let him".

Stop.

Definitely take him to a state secondary open day.

I also think teenagers don't understand the consequences of their actions at this age.

Show him what sort of university he can expect to go to if he gets say three Cs at A-Level and what sort of courses.

Then run that through into what sort of job and what sort of pay after he comes out.

These years now are critical to doing well in life for many (not everyone - but it's highly skewed) and it's up the parents to incentive, criticise, frighten, inspire, motivate, cajole - do whatever the hell you have to do to get them to work because once this chance is gone, it's gone forever.

I'll probably be flamed for the above - but I live a great life - and it's because my parents taught me to work and work hard.

They taught me that you have to defer today's enjoyment to avoid tomorrow's peril. I am so grateful to them because I would have otherwise been just like your son.

Believability Sun 24-Feb-19 18:48:27

I moved mine from private to oustanding high performing state. Absolutely no issues at all, she’s working hard, doing well and has lovely friends. In our case I’m delighted I’m not paying £20k a year for what I’m getting for free bar a slightly enhanced sports curriculum and an orchestra she wouldn’t be interested in

Seeline Mon 25-Feb-19 10:05:25

What does his present school say about his work? Is he achieving what they think he should be or are they complaining about homework not being done and poor work ethic? If so what are they suggesting?
What are you hoping to achieve by changing schools? sending to state rather than private won't stop him playing on his Xbox - that is really down to you to control. Similarly having closer friends might just mean he is out with them all the time and still not working.
Is he in Y9 now? If so, you might find it difficult to move him if state options have already started their GCSE options, as many do a three year course now rather than starting in Y10.

BarbarianMum Mon 25-Feb-19 13:08:32

I presume the OP's thinking is that, if he's not going to work, she may as well save herself the school fees.

In your position OP I'd try taking the Xbox away first.

My kids know that education is a privilege and, if they dont work hard at their (state) school, they'll have to leave and go to work. But I appreciate only certain sections of society see it this way.

Hollowvictory Mon 25-Feb-19 14:00:57

Remove the xbox.

LeFaye Thu 28-Feb-19 23:17:44

He’s not going to suddenly become involved and hard working at the state schools. Odds are he’ll behave just the same, unless you change something at home, and personally I’d rather have my DS drifting and struggling at a private than at a state, as they generally have more resources not to let him collapse completely.

Our Y8 DS gets to play video games fri-sun. Weekdays are for homework, reading, drawing, running, family time etc.

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