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Single sex mixers/socials - what year do they start?

(38 Posts)
sushiforever Sat 16-Feb-19 00:05:07

My dd is in year 9 of a single sex school and she is starting to worry about ever getting the opportunity to mix socially with other boys. Her school has occasional socials but they seem to be few and far between and for the older years. What happens in other schools? Would be good to know so have an idea if school is lagging behind on this! Thanks 😏

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crazycrofter Sat 16-Feb-19 00:12:59

My dd (year 10) has had male friends since year 7. The boys school is next door so that helps but she’s got to know boys in lots of ways - primary school friends of her friends, boys on the train, friends of friends on Instagram/snapchat, boys at church and youth group, boys at summer camp etc etc. She doesn’t particularly mix much with any boys from the school next door now.

I wouldn’t have thought it’s the school’s responsibility to help them mix? What does she do outside of school?

sushiforever Sat 16-Feb-19 07:26:29

Thanks for your reply - out of those options I'm afraid only instagram is a goer as the school has long hours/Sat morning school and is quite isolated geographically (and has a large number of boarders which is why they ARE supposed to take on a degree of the pastoral care).

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Fifthtimelucky Sat 16-Feb-19 07:57:31

My daughters' school started arranging social activities with the boys' school down the road in year 8 or 9 I think. There was a bowling trip which worked well as they were put into mixed teams.

It only needed a couple of activities to be organised by the schools because once they knew each other they started socialising on their own (neither were boarding schools). And there were various train groups.

More formally, there were also some joint activities such as concerts, plays etc.

roisinagusniamh Sat 16-Feb-19 08:03:34

Are you expecting the school to both organise and supervise these socials ?

crazycrofter Sat 16-Feb-19 08:10:32

I still think it would probably be better to meet boys out of school - presumably she has long holidays so could do camps etc over the summer? My dd has made some very close friends of both sexes on summer camp. She met up with them all the Christmas holidays and they chat regularly online.

The school would have to arrange regular events in order for friendships to happen - something weekly/fortnightly, rather like the youth clubs my daughter goes to. That’s a lot to ask of the school?

roisinagusniamh Sat 16-Feb-19 08:27:19

I went to an all girl's school.
Nobody's parents felt the need to organise mixed group events and the Nuns certainly did not !
We went to the local youth club etc , it was all very organic.
Perhaps, it's best left to your daughter to sort out her own social life .
She may not want to mix with boys anyway.

Fifthtimelucky Sat 16-Feb-19 08:27:46

Should have said that the bowling type things were organised by PTAs if I remember rightly. Obviously the formal activities like choir, orchestra, plays were organised by the schools.

There were also some joint general studies lessons in the 6th form.

roisinagusniamh Sat 16-Feb-19 08:29:41

....or if she does let her sort it out. She should have the social skills by now to do so.
You are too involved.

Rubusfruticosus Sat 16-Feb-19 08:31:39

Can she join Scouts or cadets?

sushiforever Sat 16-Feb-19 14:26:47

some very helpful posts mixed with very judgy-with-no-wisdom-or-context posts - true mumsnet scenario! 😂 The mixers are a pretty established public school thing and are arranged by most of the other schools I know (and according to the school blurb my dd's school is meant to be linked to 4 local schools for this) of on a more or less regular basis as a matter if course ... so my question was not so much if or how or should the school provide them but which year they start, details etc. (ps - to address one of the more judgy posts - I'm involved to the exact extent that my daughter has asked me to be involved .... which in my mind is a pretty good measure of how involved to be 🙄😏)

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sushiforever Sat 16-Feb-19 14:29:16

ps - thanks everyone who gave suggestions 😊❤️

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BoardingSchoolMater Sat 16-Feb-19 14:29:58

DC at single sex boarding schools with 13+ intake only. Mixed socials started in Year 9, with limited places available (so if you want to join in, you have to sign up quickly - big schools, so not possible for them to be 'whole school' events).

When they were at day schools, they had mixed socials from Year 7 onwards with the local opposite-sex school.

sushiforever Sat 16-Feb-19 14:38:51

thanks 😊

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roisinagusniamh Sat 16-Feb-19 14:48:32

Seriously OP, you need to advise your daughter to take care of her own social life , especially if she is in year 9. Help her by all means but step back a little.
You are obviously a over involved in her life and it is not good for her in the long run.

Rubusfruticosus Sat 16-Feb-19 15:20:17

My dc is in year 8 at a single-sex school and there is nothing until year 11 prom that I know of. There are both local students and others who travel to school from the surrounding area. The children socialise with children of the opposite sex outside of school. The Scout group that my dc attends doesn't start until 7.30pm, so distance from school or finishing times shouldn't be a barrier.

crazycrofter Sat 16-Feb-19 15:37:26

Perhaps this is a boarding school thing then? Dd’s school has a few mixed activities like orchestra and a prom in year 11 but it’s a day school so I guess most kids have lots of time outside school to socialise. I guess kids at boarding school can’t go to youth club/Scouts etc.

If you’re happy with her just mixing at school-organised events that’s fine and you should probably push the school to organise some. I think some of us were a little surprised at the idea, as there’s loads of other ways to meet boys (and girls) outside of school if you’re a day pupil - and even boarding pupils have their holidays!

User10fuckingmillion Sat 16-Feb-19 15:41:10

No boys? That sounds like my idea of heaven now grin not so much at 14 obviously.

roisinagusniamh Sat 16-Feb-19 15:48:21

I hope you don't have sons User10.
What a silly comment!

walkingtheplank Sat 16-Feb-19 15:57:13

Our local single-sex schools have discos. DD in Yr 7 going to disco at boys school next month. She doesn't want to go but I think it's important that boys don't become a mystical thing for her.
Both my DD and DS go to a church youth group that meets twice a month. I suggested this so they could mix with the opposite sex to be honest.

sushiforever Sat 16-Feb-19 15:59:53

yes - it's very much a rural boarding school thing. I'm guessing a lot of the people posting are in a v diff set-up re: school location/length of school day/flexi-boarding/sports fixture commitments/Saturday school etc.

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crazycrofter Sat 16-Feb-19 16:59:03

That’s probably true, it’s different in a city. Has she lost touch with the boys she went to primary school with though? It seems unusual not to know any boys! And what about opportunities in school holidays? I do appreciate she probably doesn’t have much time out of school other than Sundays in term time so she’s a bit restricted. My cousins went to a school like that and it did seem quite all-consuming! Good luck anyway, pressurise the school if they’ve made the commitment to help but don’t rule out other avenues!

sushiforever Sat 16-Feb-19 17:11:54

thanks - she is still in touch with get friends from when she was younger.... but they are 3 hours drive away now!! summer camps sounds like a brilliant plan😊

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crazycrofter Sat 16-Feb-19 17:15:12

Ah, yes, 3 hours away is a bit of a problem grin

sushiforever Sat 16-Feb-19 17:22:32


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