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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

Do teachers tell parents this??

36 replies

alwaysandforever123 · 23/10/2018 09:21

I have a friend who is constantly making comments like, "my dd is the best in maths (as in achieving higher than everyone else)", "dd's teacher showed us how she is way ahead from everyone else in French"... etc.
I'm just wondering if teachers do this, do they really say that your child is the best and how ahead they are of everyone else?

OP posts:

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SpoonBlender · 23/10/2018 09:27

Not generally. Your friend is being a tit. Does she also post to Facebook and Instagram about how wonderful her life is?

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Pinkkittens292 · 23/10/2018 09:30

No I wouldn't think so.
They would praise all their achievements, yes, but they wouldn't compare with other students.

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Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 23/10/2018 09:33

At secondary school, particularly, I think it's quite common that a teacher will say something like: "and they got one of the top three marks in the last couple of tests, so they're doing very well." It's not really a comparison with other students as much as a statement of fact.

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starryeyed19 · 23/10/2018 09:34

Fuck, no. When would They?! Parents never see teachers at secondary school unless it's parents evening or you've been asked to come in. My DD has just started secondary school and I've seen her form tutor and HoY in passing. That's it.

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RedAndGreenPlaid · 23/10/2018 09:37

Depends on the school, depends on the child. There was a thread a couple of months ago about exactly this, and lots of schools do tell parents when their child is top.

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whiteroseredrose · 23/10/2018 10:02

We used to get told when DS got the top mark in school for a particular exam, but that was at parents evening when they were going to be choosing A levels. I think the teacher was pitching for him to pick that subject!

DD's school don't say. No idea if she's brilliant or bog standard!

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youarenotkiddingme · 23/10/2018 10:18

O don't think they put it quite like that.

But I've had comments like "ds was 2nd highest score in X test and highest boy" and "ds is always doing the extension work and he's ask me to confirm he does in fact complete his homework during maths lessons too" and "ds was in group achieving high enough for separate science but his literacy problems are too severe to cope with workload in our opinion".

But also.....

"Ds 1:1 is doing X with him and working on Y. I've told him not to worry he's only getting a 1 on tests as he has 18 months to improve".

All relevant to ds and all show me where he is achieving in line with peers. However he's not described as "top of class" or "bottom of class". These things are actually fluid and he may struggle with another topic and not score so well!

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Bluntness100 · 23/10/2018 10:21

Well I've never heard she is the absolute best, but yes at parents night I was usually told that my daughter was one of th top students in a given subject or that she was ahead of the class. Often I was told she'd scored highest in a given test.

So yes, I'd assume it's feasible.

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HalfBloodPrincess · 23/10/2018 10:23

I was told my Dd was top in her art class at her year 9 parents evening and would achieve an A if she were to sit her GCSE that year. The art teacher said it in front of Dd.
She is a very talented artist but was talking about how she had lost her motivation that term so I’m thinking it was said to boost dds confidence (which it did) whether it was true or not.

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Thisreallyisafarce · 23/10/2018 16:03

Top of the class? Sure. "Better" than others? No.

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Bluntness100 · 23/10/2018 16:07

Top of the class? Sure. "Better" than others? No

Isn't that just semantics. The mother is probably paraphrasing. Top of the class by default means better than others.

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Wolfiefan · 23/10/2018 16:09

If she’s constantly making such comments? I wouldn’t care if they were true or not. She would soon be an ex friend. There’s being proud and there’s being a boastful (and possibly insensitive) twit.

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anniehm · 23/10/2018 16:15

It depends, my eldest was in a class where the teacher sat them in order of achievement and made them move when they did better/under performed. It was terrible, put her off maths and she quit it despite being the best in her school and in the top .1% in the country (she didn't drop a mark at GCSE) ultra competitiveness works for boys more I'm told but it drove her to anxiety attacks resulting in her missing half the classes.

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Thisreallyisafarce · 23/10/2018 16:43

Bluntness100

No.

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Thisreallyisafarce · 23/10/2018 16:48

Sorry, perhaps that was too blunt...

Top implies currently the highest attaining student.

Better implies something more innate.

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Bestseller · 23/10/2018 16:51

I don't think it would be unusual for a teacher to tell a parent that a child is top of the class and if the teacher doesn't the children certainly know the pecking order.

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TooDamnSarky · 23/10/2018 17:03

Not unusual IMO. Often in the context of them being selected for out of school activities such as those run by a local uni.

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Sugarhunnyicedtea · 23/10/2018 17:08

We were shown the scores my DS got in his last three maths assessments and told they were the highest in the year. Strangely he's definitely not top of the class in maths though, just good in tests.

Teachers tend to tell you if your child is doing well though so it's not that unusual in my experience

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Bluntness100 · 23/10/2018 17:16

Top implies currently the highest attaining student.Better implies something more innate

I think you're over thinking it. If you are the top, then by definition you are doing better than the others. It's not a moral judgement.

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Thisreallyisafarce · 23/10/2018 17:18

Bluntness100

No, I'm not. I don't think it is a moral judgement. The words have different connotations.

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KingBee · 23/10/2018 18:19

Teacher told me my ds was very poor at writing and then proceeded to show me - my "child's competition" and went on to show me the child's exercise book who she considered to be the best in the class - so if she was telling me - I'm sure she was at least sharing the info with the best child's parent too!

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Thisreallyisafarce · 23/10/2018 18:40

KingBee

To be honest, I would really appreciate that as a parent. A lot of the complacency about reading and writing levels I see, springs from parents not understanding the attainment of the top children. They think their child is doing okay, when actually they are struggling.

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ShalomJackie · 23/10/2018 19:18

My son's teacher once showed me a beautiful folder of work for a DT project - which was a girl in my son's class's work. Then he showed me a scruffy lined piece of paper with a free hand diagram scrawled on it - which was DS1's!

DS2's school shows their results, year average and year high mark.

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Thisreallyisafarce · 23/10/2018 19:22

ShalomJackie

Jesus. That's harsh!

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BuggertheTabloids · 23/10/2018 19:42

Our primary school does give some indication. Our son (aged 9) was shown the bell curve of the population and told he was in the top 2% of the population scores for maths. Didn't say anything specific about his classmates though so we don't know who is actually "top of the class".
On the other hand my other child is dyslexic so I see the other end of the spectrum too (but they are very supportive with this).