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School discipline out of hand

(48 Posts)
mydogmymate Mon 01-Oct-18 17:49:00

My son started in year 7 this year and so far has spent 2 weeks of that in either detention, isolation or excluded.

The school is in quite a deprived area and had a very bad OFSTEAD report two years ago. This has prompted a behaviour policy that, at best, is severe and at worst, draconian. My ds got a detention initially because he was talking in class. I didn't have a problem with that and supported the school, but because he spoke in detention he was put in isolation. Whilst there someone shouted him and he looked round, he was sent to reception and I was phoned to pick him up. That was on Friday. So today, he had to do isolation and a detention and I get another phone call to say pick him up because he's excluded. He won't be allowed back till I've had a meeting tomorrow with the head of year 7.

I got angry with him and told him to tell me the absolute truth about what happened and he's adamant that all he did was turn round at a noise outside and leaned into his bag and said to himself that he'd forgotten his ruler. So that led to his exclusion because they are expected to work in absolute silence all day.

I've never had any issues with his behaviour at his primary school and I'm furious that this is happening. It's not just him: it's about 40% of year 7 have had this happen and most of them have no idea what they've done wrong. I'm sick of talking to the school about it, I just get told that this is policy. End of. There's no leeway anywhere, no easing them in, no understanding and I think they're expecting too much of kids just out of primary.

Now he doesn't want to go to school because he feels he can't do anything right. I phoned the education welfare officer out of desperation & she told me that this policy is city wide and even if I moved him, the same would happen in another school.

So, any advice on what to do at this meeting tomorrow? I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall & I've got a very unhappy son who wants to leave. I'm not a snowflaky parent, if he's done wrong then he can accept the consequences, but this is a ridiculous policy, it smacks of a workhouse!!

OP’s posts: |
noblegiraffe Mon 01-Oct-18 17:54:18

I doubt this policy applies to every school in the city, go on some other local school websites and look up their behaviour policy for comparison.

What does the school say the reason for his exclusion was?

RavenWings Mon 01-Oct-18 17:57:13

So is that just the story he's telling you, or have you also heard that story from the school? I'd be wary of taking it at face value if it's just coming from the kid.

mydogmymate Mon 01-Oct-18 18:07:47

Apparently this does apply to all the schools in the area, the education welfare officer told me this and she should know.

When I've spoken to the school they've said he's disruptive ie, he spoke. I've also asked his friends and they have told me the same as my son. Incidentally, these same boys are also going through this and their parents are also going to the school demanding an explanation.
I posted because I wanted an opinion of the severity of the punishment. It strikes me as taking a sledgehammer to crack a nut 😡

OP’s posts: |
Andiehoney Mon 01-Oct-18 18:17:51

He needs to behave now. If he's been given a detention for talking what the hell did he expect would happen when talking yet again in detention ?

ShalomJackie Mon 01-Oct-18 18:22:32

His friends are backing up his version because they are in trouble for the same thing.

As he now knows the rules and the consequences perhaps he should just start sticking to them and behaving, then he won't be punished.

mydogmymate Mon 01-Oct-18 18:24:51

It wasn't just in detention, it was in isolation. And to be excluded for turning around?
Ridiculous

OP’s posts: |
MissMarplesKnitting Mon 01-Oct-18 18:29:14

I will put money on it being more than just turning around. Add giggles/smirking or saying something.

He's in detention. That's the point at which you shut up, knuckle down, do your time and LEARN not to do it again.

So many kids end up in this situation because the aren't made to take responsibility for their actions and reactions.

He's of criminally responsible age. He knows how to behave/how not. He just needs to do it.

Wolfiefan Mon 01-Oct-18 18:29:49

I very much doubt the school would say he’s been excluded for turning round.
Talking in class, in detention and in exclusion. He needs to stop pushing the boundaries and shut up.

ItsAndTarts Mon 01-Oct-18 18:32:24

This is the reason there is such a discipline problem in school. Your son and his mates have been pratting about and are being punished

Bombardier25966 Mon 01-Oct-18 18:34:40

all he did was turn round at a noise outside and leaned into his bag and said to himself that he'd forgotten his ruler.

After failing to be quiet on two earlier occasions, he then starts talking again and messing around in his bag.

More likely?

SnuggyBuggy Mon 01-Oct-18 18:35:10

I would at least try to get a teachers perspective on what happened but agree that it's a harsh sounding punishment for just turning around.

mydogmymate Mon 01-Oct-18 18:52:45

Thankyou smuggy

I'll find out tomorrow what actually happened.

OP’s posts: |
Wolfiefan Mon 01-Oct-18 19:04:03

If he’s been excluded you should get a letter outlining why.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden Mon 01-Oct-18 19:11:18

There are some schools where they impose these incredibly stringent behaviour standards and are prepared to enforce them. I personally don't agree with it, although some of these schools have achieved transformative behaviour outcomes. However, it is possible that your son's account is correct.

If so, you will need to decide, together with your son, whether to comply with the programme or to change schools. Can he control his impulses? Does he manage his manners with adults? Does he relish learning in quiet, controlled classrooms?

There may be a carefully thought out, passionately held principle behind the school's approach with the children's best interests at heart. On the other hand, the leadership may be following a fashion (cf Michaela School in Brent) and managing it poorly.

You will need to find out more and have a real think.

valafitz Mon 01-Oct-18 19:15:47

Teachers are very busy to be picking on your child. If he is being disciplined is because he has broken the rules.

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Mon 01-Oct-18 19:33:28

Are all the schools in your area under one academy chain?

hmmmum Mon 01-Oct-18 19:37:20

It sounds like they’re trying to be extra tough to send a message / sort out the discipline problems. But your son’s misbehaviour sounds very ordinary - does not sound worthy of that type of punishment for sure! I really hope the meeting goes well. If you get a bad feeling I’d look into other schools. They may be just as strict but in a way that’s fairer.

BoneyBackJefferson Mon 01-Oct-18 19:49:38

When I've spoken to the school they've said he's disruptive ie, he spoke.

Low level disruption, schools are cracking down on it.

I've also asked his friends and they have told me the same as my son.

hahaha (wipes tears from eyes)

Incidentally, these same boys are also going through this and their parents are also going to the school demanding an explanation.

And this is why its such an issue.

I posted because I wanted an opinion of the severity of the punishment. It strikes me as taking a sledgehammer to crack

Your DS has had three punishments before the exclusion.

detention for disrupting the class
detention for talking in detention
Isolation for talking in detention

How many times do the teachers and the others in the class have to put up with your DS's lack of respect towards his peers that want to learn?

SnuggyBuggy Mon 01-Oct-18 20:01:25

I don't think the punishment for talking in class or detention is unreasonable to be fair

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Mon 01-Oct-18 20:02:27

And that doesn’t include any warning he might have been given about talking before the detention.

In terms of being just out of primary, I wouldn’t expect year 2 to be talking when they shouldn’t be. It isn’t an unreasonable expectation for year 7.

Lumpy76 Mon 01-Oct-18 20:12:26

It’s school not prison is my opinion. I have 4 secondary school age children. The second eldest (yr 12 - doing A levels)has ADHD (undx but schools agree) even he has managed to never get more than moved in a class and I can tell you he’s done far more than your son!! The school they go to is very strict and they wouldn’t have a child excluded for such behaviour. Utterly ridiculous.

MrsTumbletap Mon 01-Oct-18 20:21:39

I am 99.9999% sure he was not just talking and turned round once. I speak from many years experience in teaching.

More likely......he was repeatedly disrupting the learning of the other 28 students in the class, frustrating, rude and annoying for the teacher and other students. He was then given a punishment (detention). He would have been told to sit quietly for 15 minutes etc and that if he talks he would have failed the detention. (Otherwise it wouldn't be much of a punishment to sit and chat to your friends would it?)

In detention he again was mucking about his friends, chatting, giggling, turning round etc.

He was placed in isolation. He again mucked around/talked/chatted.

I'm guessing these three different sanctions were also supervised by different members of staff all getting frustrated with a boy only a few weeks into year 7.

Low level disruption is picked up by Ofsted and it is considered a big problem in slowing the learning of others.

DorasBob Mon 01-Oct-18 20:29:49

I doubt it was for innocently saying one word during a silence. More likely he was talking, disruptive, rude and not doing what he was supposed to be doing.

Think Kevin the teenager ‘am I not even allowed to BREATHE’ type behaviour.

He needs to learn to conduct himself appropriatley. It’s a harsh world or there, no one cares why someone can’t meet societal expectations, only that they don’t.

I’d be more concerned about him falling in with a bad crowd and these punishments being the first sign of that, in a failing school in a deprived area, than criticising the school for disciplining him.

To you tend to let him do what he wants at home?

WellErrr Mon 01-Oct-18 20:31:10

He'll soon learn to behave.

Schools need to be like this.

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