DD started at secondary two weeks ago. She has fitted in well and made friends with the girls in her form.
For background, she didn't have a great time of primary, she was very badly bullied (actual physical beatings, threats which led the Police to raid the home of one culprit due to their nature).
In year 5, we de-regged both our DC, and DD was home schooled between April and July last year as she was so damaged by school she wouldn't step foot in one for months. Luckily, Year 6 primary school were amazing. Truly miracle workers, caught her up on years worth of maths (she had no knowledge of year 3-5 maths curriculum) and she grew in confidence.
Obviously, we knew there would be nerves joining secondary, but we kept her positive, she went in first day and every day after, big smiles.
Until Friday of last week.
DD after the bullying, wont immediately tell you something is wrong, but its pretty obvious as she goes from smiley kid to coming home and disappearing under a duvet. You have to coax out of her what has happened. By Sunday we found out a child not in her form, but in science, has been off with her. Verbally abusive. They were put in a pair to conduct a practical (to be put in sets) and the child sat and did sod all. DD just got on with it, but at one point the girl knocked a glass out her hand and then told the teacher she deliberately threw it on the floor. When DD denied this, and the teacher didn't tell her off, telling the other girl to shush and get on with her work, she threatened to burn DD with a bunsen burner. DD didn't say anything as she said she doesn't want a rep as a tell tale.
They then had a Clubs Fair, DD wanted to sign up for a few, this same child followed her round, threatening DD if she signed up for any clubs. At one point, DD's friend from primary, who is about 6 foot tall bless her, stuck up for DD and for a bit walked her round. As soon as she had to leave, the child started again, DD then got told off for telling the child to leave her alone as she shouted at her, HOY7 heard and told her off (didn't think to ask what had led DD to shout).
Tuesday, and DD went to her first Gym after school club. The child was there, and punched DD in the back as they changed. DD went to club, tried to ignore it. All through club, child made punching her hand motions to DD, so DD went back to get changed early. Child followed her (seems to be no supervision at all). and punched her again, so DD called her a bitch, which she fully owns up to. Other girl (friend of nasty child) heard and told DD not to be rude to her. DD came home very upset, big bruise on her back. She had also had her lunchbox and homework folder and notebook taken from her bag.
So, I emailed HOY7- school asks you to email rather than call. Told pretty much straight away that it would be dealt with, statements taken, etc etc.
Got a call yesterday that other child says she did punch DD, but DD punched her. Then it was changed later on to DD punched and kicked her. I was told as a result, both girls would be sent to HT and torn strips off, and teachers had been "warned" about the girls!
In the meantime, DD spoken to by other girls who went to other child's primary and told her to be warned that she is a bully, horrible, a known thief who stole money from a classroom assistant, all manner of horrible things.
I asked the HOY7 to allow me to speak with DD as I really didn't believe she would have kicked or punched this child, if anything I had to persuade DD to attend the club. Was told this wasn't possible, even at lunchtime, but I could speak to her after school and email back. She also told me no one else would speak to either girl until this had happened. I again said about the delicate nature of handling this as she had been scapegoated before, was told they fully understood.
DD comes home, girl has been awful all lunch time again. She then said a male teacher- not HOY7, not DepH, not a HT, just a random who she doesn't know, pulled her out of her last period lesson, frogmarched her over to their "calm centre" and asked her again what happened. DD again repeated what she told me, the HOY7 and her class teacher. Random male then reads out a "statement" from a pupil (didn't tell her who) which says DD punched and kicked other child. He then told her the school "doesn't like liars", she needs to "admit it, now, or else you will be in big trouble".
Possibly the worst way someone could speak to her frankly.
I emailed as asked the HOY7, explaining she could speak to two girls who saw what happened, both Friday and at the club, and asking why on earth did this male behave in such an intimidating manner to DD.
Now had email from DepH going on about "asking stakeholders about incidents to get a clear picture" (he actually put in brackets stakeholders are staff and pupils) and other such mumbo jumbo. Both girls are still be taken to HT and told off. Luckily, DD isn't in today, she has worked herself up to a level of upset I've not seen since the worst level of abuse at primary, she wont eat, she didn't sleep last night, so she wont be in, hence why luckily, for this dressing down today.
I don't know where we stand. I'm starting to feel like we are back at primary, where she would go in covered in bruises and cuts and the HT would then blame her for being in the same playground and not being resilient enough. Was meant to go to Open Evening with DS today but I don't even want to send DD back let alone another one of my DCs.
Sorry, know it's long but I'm just so annoyed by this.
I would understand if DD had a record of violent behaviour or lying, but she doesn't. Seems very much that the other child does though which they are ignoring, they wont speak to other's who would back up what DD has said, they haven't even answered about the theft or the male member of staff intimidating her despite my being assured it was dropped until I spoke to DD, it's just fobbing me off.
Feel like I really did pick the wrong environment and now have a child too scared to go to school, again.
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Secondary education
WWYD? Very close to removing DD after this
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ConfusedMum82 · 20/09/2018 11:11
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