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Are the girls in girls' schools very bitchy?

(173 Posts)
PhilomenaButterfly Fri 07-Sep-18 12:59:16

DD's 1st choice for secondary's a girls' school, but my friend tells me that the girls can be really bitchy, and it might be better if she went to a mixed school.

What are your experiences?

OP’s posts: |
milienhaus Fri 07-Sep-18 13:01:01

I went to a girls school - it was at times bitchy but also freeing in a lot of ways (no problem with saying you had your period / asking for tampons in class or whatever, no reason to believe you couldn’t do STEM subjects because everyone else taking them were also girls). Overall I enjoyed it and wouldn’t change it!

PhilomenaButterfly Fri 07-Sep-18 13:01:58

Thanks, that's very positive!

OP’s posts: |
jamaisjedors Fri 07-Sep-18 13:03:11

Yes, I Hated it and went to a mixed sixth form.

NothingOnTellyAgain Fri 07-Sep-18 13:05:15

I went to girls schools and had no idea whatsoever that it was unusual for girls to do certain subjects. We were totally free to be who we were.

I read about boys sexually assaulting the girls in school as well, of course you won't get that.

I think it was overall good to be in an all female environmetn. Yes some girls were cliquey but in my class not really.

Probabll luck,

I'm not sure why girls would be bitchier or not in a girl only envirnemnt?

I also worked in an all female environemtn and that was fine too.

littleducks Fri 07-Sep-18 13:05:22

I was worried about this. But dd loves her all girls school and it hadn't been the case at all. Think it depends on the 'culture' in an individual school rather than if it's single sex/mixed.

eelbecomingforyou Fri 07-Sep-18 13:05:35

DD goes to a girls' school.There's a lot less bitchiness there than there was in her mixed middle school!

Girls are very supportive of each other, there's no silly competition over boys, they do very well academically. It's good for her.

ourkidmolly Fri 07-Sep-18 13:05:56

Yes all girls are bitches in girls' schools. Girls in mixed schools are always really nice.
Ridiculous question. hmm

PhilomenaButterfly Fri 07-Sep-18 13:13:30

NothingOn not that they'd be bitchier, just that she wouldn't have the option of making male friends, so there'd be no escape from the bitchiness. She's not a very girly girl. She's also emotionally quite immature. Would she get bullied for not liking boy bands, clothes and makeup?

OP’s posts: |
GuestWW Fri 07-Sep-18 13:16:58

Hmmm...love a bit of stereotyping. All boys schools are really noisy with lots of fighting?

My DDs go to all-girls and mostly it is liberating for them, of course it isn't without some bullying but I am not sure any school is.

Floottoot Fri 07-Sep-18 13:17:51

My DD is at a girls' school and finds it fine. I sense that it's actually less bitchy because there's no sense of competing for boys' attention so much less concern about looks, fashion etc. Of course, that could just be because it's a selective school, so lots of girls whose attentions are focused on academic aspirations.
Certainly, my DD who is not overly confident and actually a bit quirky hasn't had any bitchiness, although all the standard friendship issues that teenage girls to through still apply to a certain extent.

PhilomenaButterfly Fri 07-Sep-18 13:18:13

This is all great news. 😀

OP’s posts: |
cakeisalwaystheanswer Fri 07-Sep-18 13:19:23

I went to an all girls school a long time ago and feel it has affected me for the rest of my life although I did very well academically.

DD went to an all girls school until year 6 and then changed to co ed. She still has lots of friends at the girls school and there is more drama there in one week than in the whole year at her co-ed! But I wouldn't call it bitchiness, it's just everything seems more intense, there's a lot of hormones flying around a small space. Girls schools are often tighter for space than boys schools because historically they weren't expected to do so much sport. Having said that I boarded at a school with umpteen acres and it still felt incredibly claustrophobic. And there are bitchy girls at DD's co-ed as there are everywhere in life.

You need to look at the individual schools you are interested in.

Orchiddingme Fri 07-Sep-18 13:20:25

My dd attends a mixed school. The friendship issues are legendary. Mainly girls can't be friends with boys in the lower years, it's not the 'done' thing. Perhaps later/sixth form they can mix as friends. I wouldn't choose on the basis of this. Not-girly girls will sometimes find it hard everywhere, but my experience is they fight through and find the friends they need eventually, wherever they are.

PhilomenaButterfly Fri 07-Sep-18 13:21:35

I was slightly alarmed that I didn't see a single backpack that wasn't pink when we did the tour. DD could end up being the only one who doesn't have a pink bag. Things like that make you stand out.

OP’s posts: |
maz99 Fri 07-Sep-18 13:22:44

I find this post to be full of generalisations...! shock

no reason to believe you couldn’t do STEM subjects because everyone else taking them were also girls

I think this would be dependant on your DD's personality... for example, my DD has chosen Resistant Materials (DT) instead of Textiles in a co-ed school with a very large cohort (400~) and there is only 1 other girl in her option block taking it... my is DD completely unfazed...!

I read about boys sexually assaulting the girls in school as well, of course you won't get that.

Obviously this something that happens in all co-ed schools hmm confused

FYI - bitchy girls are bitchy anywhere...!

Titsywoo Fri 07-Sep-18 13:23:38

Hard to say as I haven't got a comparison but I loved my girls school - yes it was bitchy at times (it is everywhere though!) but it felt safe and calm. DD is at a mixed school and she is finding it pretty scary although it's the girls that she finds the worst not the boys!

claraschu Fri 07-Sep-18 13:23:40

My daughter hated her girls' school, not because it was particularly bitchy, but because everyone had to define herself by belonging to one faction or another. She moved to a small coed school and was very relieved, as she found that people just had to get along with one another, and didn't tend to divide into cliques. She also is perfectly happy to talk about periods in front of her male friends- they are surprisingly open and unbothered with one another (very different from what I remember 30 years ago).

RedAndGreenPlaid Fri 07-Sep-18 13:23:49

There was plenty of nastiness and "bitchiness" in DD's mixed sex primary, so much so that we refused to even consider the schools that most of them were going on to. Very, very little bitchiness at her new school (also co-ed).

There are bitchy people everywhere, tbh. Even within a school different year groups can be very different from one another.

ErrolTheDragon Fri 07-Sep-18 13:25:18

My DD went to a girls' school, it was fine. I think it can actually considerably easier for the less 'girly' girls to find their own tribe. In a girls school, there will be a critical mass of female geeks and nerds etc, in their own right not minorities in boys groups.

They're freer to be themselves rather than defined as 'girls', paradoxically. Hence the commonly observed phenomenon of more girls in single sex schooling choosing STEM options.

Pressuredrip Fri 07-Sep-18 13:26:44

My girls have gone to girls school all the way through. I was uncomfortable with the segregation at first but soon realised the huge benefits. The biggest: No everyday sexism. Lots of positive female campaigns and role models across the school, no toxic masculinity, no sexual harassment, no body shaming. I went to a girls high school and it wasn't bitchy.

WerewolfNumber1 Fri 07-Sep-18 13:26:55

If I had daughters they’d definitely be at all girls schools - I went to both mixed and single sex, and single sex was so much better. I was genuinely surprised to get to university and find out that science degrees were seen as masculine, it had never been an issue.

steppemum Fri 07-Sep-18 13:29:51

dd is at an all girls school.
She is a very none grily girl, one of the few in trousers, and had her hair cut shaved short in year 7 (everyone else has long hair)
She does scouts, and only wears boys clothes.

We really thought hard about whether or not a girls school would be the best thing, most of her friends were boys in primary, but in the end went for it because it was the only grammer we could get to.

I has been a great success for her. She has the freedom to be herself, none of the girls care what she wears etc. It has been a very positive experience for her. There are so many girls that she has been able to find her tribe and the school is really supportive of them all.

I think the issue is really around the pastoral care in the school. This school has a reputation for being particularly good at it. That could apply to a single sex school or a co-ed.

But the other points made about no girls/boys subjects etc hold true too.

Windbeneathmybingowings Fri 07-Sep-18 13:30:57

I have noticed that even as an adult, you can always tell who went to an all girls school. There is something different about the way they act around other women. Almost competitive. It’s even more heightened when a man is in the frame. None of my grown up all girls school friends have male friends and question why I and other friends do, as if there is always an alterior motive when a man is involved.

ErrolTheDragon Fri 07-Sep-18 13:32:06

* I think this would be dependant on your DD's personality... for example, my DD has chosen Resistant Materials (DT) instead of Textiles in a co-ed school with a very large cohort (400~) and there is only 1 other girl in her option block taking it... my is DD completely unfazed...!
*

I was that rare girl when I was at school - I expect DD would have been too if she'd gone to a coed. But for all the others who don't have quite such an independent mindset at that age, going to a school where (to take the example from her gcse year) there's a whole set of girls doing Electronic products and two sets doing comp sci opens up a range of opportunities which gender stereotypes seem to inhibit in coed.

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