Have we got a starting Secondary School Support thread?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’ve just just asked DD what the sandwich box and bottle are for in the fridge. It turns out she’s made her first packed lunch ready for school. She doesn’t start till next Tuesday

[TeenTimesTwo]

That's sweet.

[JoyceDivision]

Oh wow, DD is a trembling mess, really panicking and it's only coming to light, need to ring school and forewarn them

[TeenTimesTwo]

Oh Joyce

Definitely contact the school - do they have an INSET day before the y7s start?
Can you identify what she is panicking about and go through carefully to try to calm her nerves?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Oh Joyce defintely contact the school and Teen’s suggestion of working through her concerns us a good one. I hope that helps her to relax a little.

My DD is looking forward to it but I know she’s also worried. There’s lots of shouting and nervous energy going on.

[SassitudeandSparkle]

I like her organisation! She will do well!

Slightly nervous here, not helped by the fact that she'll be going on the bus to school for the first time (not a scheduled service, one just run for the pupils). We are doing practice walks to the stop, she never goes anywhere on her own!

Making a list tonight of anything she may need for school like a house key, new purse and have ordered new phone case. I keep telling her she has options if anything goes wrong - ring me for a lift, she will get lost/upset/in trouble at some point - I didn't come up with that options phrase, I read it recently in an article about calming down. Also practicing tying a tie, another thing that she hasn't needed to do before!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Thankfully the school DD is going to has clip on ties. At least that’s one less thing to worry about

[JoyceDivision]

Oh no! There are no clipon ties at Dd's school, that will best fun afternoon!

Lovely to read lots of giddy kippers getting ready for school,hope they all enjoy it!

DD is slightly nervous and not hugely confident, she is going to a different school to her friends (I use the term loosely as the friendships have all fractured this school year) at her inset day shedidget on with a couple of people, but turns outmost intake already know each other so she's terrified of having to say hello to people and be 'accepted' by them

Hopefully in a short while this will all seem ridiculous but it's stressing her out at the moment, found she's been eating paper think it's a coping mechanism... Arrghhh

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Love the name Joyce

Has she said why she’s eating the paper?

[JoyceDivision]

It's been a slightly emotional chin wobbling day today and she said she can't explain why .... V frustrating, but trying not to make a big deal if it when school is just a few days away.

(Btw, is Gordon really a m*n? )

[Witchend]

My youngest is going. It doesn't seem as big a deal as when dd1 went, but he's so much younger than they were in both age and attitude that I do wonder how he'll cope.

Ours don't have ties. Sweatshirt and poloshirt, and, to ds's delight they can choose to wear shorts. That was the biggest thing he didn't like about secondary and they changed it last term.
When we were discussing schools with dd1 she much preferred this school and her no 1 reason was no ties.


Dd2 eats paper and has done since babyhood. It can be stressed related, but I think she just likes it.

[JoyceDivision]

Witches that's interesting, thanks for mentioning that! Think DH has decided to do some internet research and dive in at the deep end

[Hersetta427]

My daughter had had her packed school bag and sports kits bag ready by the door since Monday night- she doesn't start until this coming Tuesday. She is very excited.

[elkiedee]

My DS1 also starts at secondary school on Tuesday. My dad has bought him uniform and shoes but we need to sort stationery and I think I have to figure out how to log back into Parentpay and put some money on. I'm used to just paying a fixed amount for primary school meals and the cafeteria menu doesn't say how much a two course meal, main course/dessert actually is, just that it comes to free school meal value. I'm worrying because I obviously want him to have enough food but can't really afford to pay for lots of extra items plus offered breakfast items etc etc!

Wish our local school had no ties and just the sweatshirt and polo shirt, blazers and ties all seems a bit OTT for my 11 year old. I just had a dress code which allowed a lot of scope, black jumper of any kind and black skirt/trousers ditto, no jeans, plain coloured blouse or top, and I went to secondary school at 13 after middle school for what is now called Years 5-8.

[mykidsmyworld]

Jilted thanks for starting this thread.
DD1 starts Wednesday. She appears to be calm but I'm so nervous as she'll be going on the bus. We've done a couple of trips together though. She's more anxious if she will make friends as the few from primary that are in same high school aren't her friends. And she's terrible at making friends. Any tips will be well appreciated.

[Ggirl27]

From experience both of my DCs made friends initially but by Christmas had a whole different set. Everyone tries really hard at first but then as things settle down true characters becomes visible and friendships change. Please tell them that the people they chat to first don't have to be forever friends and most importantly to be themselves. I think friendships are the hardest part of starting as secondary school - I wish them all the best of luck.

[IceBearRocks]

DS1 starts on Thursday and I'm terrified. He has high functioning Autism and is a social nightmare. The good news is we have 2 brothers who he is friend with going too. They live 3 doors away. He'll have to travel 6 miles on a public bus!
I know his friends will help him...I'm just not sure how they'll cope if he has a meltdown!!!!
Eeekkkkkk!!!!!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

We’ve got an older DC at the school and the friendships defintely change. Ggirl, your advice is excellent

[Shannaratiger]

Thanks for the thread. My Ds starts Wednesday, I think I'm more nervous than him, although his stuttering has got loads worse which is a definite sign he's worried. He has very high anxiety, luckily his best friend who was from a different primary school is going and he's already making friends with his friends. Very relieved because some of the boys from his primary school were not always nice to him.
Now just have to sort out parent mail which I set up before the end of term which has now been deleted, I think because it was synced with primary school.
Luckily he's quite relaxed about going on the bus by himself for the first time.
Sorry this waffled quite alot!

[JoyceDivision]

GGirl that's fab advice, will share with DD, thankyou!

[mykidsmyworld]

Thank you Ggirl I'll definitely share that we my DD. She's definitely the sort that will try too hard to fit in.

[Starlight345]

My Ds starts school Wednesday. He is excited however last couple of days lots of emotional meltdowns so worry is coming out

[Cedar03]

OP I thought my daughter was organised but yours beats her easily. DD is looking forward to it, she starts on Tuesday. She's bored at home now.

We've just got to stick name tags on everything. She's already organised her school bag.

We've just put a certain amount of money into DD's dinner money account and will see how it goes to start with. She enjoyed the food when they went for their transition day so hopefully that will continue.

[TheLastNigel]

It's me panicking in our house, not dd2 who's starts secondary on Tuesday.
I thought I'd been super organised and got all the uniform etc.
However we have since has major building work down at home, which has overrun, and we are currently having her bedroom decorated too. As such everything is everywhere- we can hardly move at home and I've no idea where all her new stuff is. Plus everything is covered in plaster dust.

[Trampire]

My youngest is starting in Tues

His sister will be in Y9. Fit some reason I'm way more anxious this time around.
When my dd went, she knew no-one I I wasn't worried thinking it wouldn't be a problem. It wasn't a huge problem, but it was waaay harder finding a small friendship group than I thought it would be. Alls good now though.
Even though I think in some ways my ds is slightly more confident than my dd I still worry.

My tips would be -

Join in as much as possible! Joining a Y7 lunchtime Drama club was a lifeline for my dd.

Help them check and organise their bag for the next day. After a few weeks they'll do it on their own ok. Same with homework.

Ignore all the Facebook posts from other parents (even at different schools) after the first day declaring that their little x is LOVING it and had taken to it like a duck to water.
These used to upset me the most as my dd was taking her time, having her wobbles. I felt really alone thinking I'd got it so wrong. Now 2 years on, those parents tell me that Y7 was very up and down and the first 6 months really hard. I wish I'd known that then.

Tell your dc that it looks as if everyone else is super confident and have a hundred friends already but often many children are feeling the same. This nugget was something my ds's form tutor told me when I wanted to chat about ds's settling in. I think it's very true.

So my biggest tip is .....time. Give everything time. Don't expect brilliance or immediate happiness instantly. It will come.

I'll try and tell myself this next week.

[Titsywoo]

I have the same situation as you icegirl but sadly ds will have no-one he knows except his sister in year 9 who will tolerate him hanging around for a while but will get fed up pretty quickly! He's not anxious but I'm expecting a rocky start. Dd had a really hard year 7 socially and year 8 wasn't brilliant but at the end of last year friendships starting shifting again. I certainly wasn't friends with the same people in year 9 as I was in year 7 and that had changed a bit again by year 11 so try not to worry too much. Dd was bullied a fair bit by her classmates and the school did sort it out but I wish I'd pushed harder to help her or get her moved forms but she didn't want me involved. She still is isolated from her whole form but has friends in other forms. I'll be more involved with ds. It's such a different environment to primary that you don't always know what the right thing to do is!