Supporting your child in secondary school - how much??

[Notcontent]

This is just something I have been pondering.

My dd has just finished year 7. She has done very well. Yes, I think she is reasonably bright (well, I would say that, wouldn’t I !! ) but I think some of it is down to me really supporting her learning. Part of the reason was that she went from a primary where there was never any homework, not even before SATS, so she proper homework and having to revise at home was all new to her. So I would sometimes loo, at her homework and helped her to revise for tests.

I am sure I will be doing less of that as time goes on, but I suspect I will continue to keep an eye on her school work and offer to “test” her, etc before tests and exams. However, I know that there are some parents who don’t get involved at all. Maybe it depends on your child’s personality...

What is your approach?

[Sugarhunnyicedtea]

I help my son if he asks. Especially with revision as that's easier to do if someone is testing you. He's year 8.
I also ask him every day if he has been given homework and check the homework app.

[YodelOdel]

Our secondary school actively encourages parental involvement. They have specific subject evenings at school even up to year 11 to demonstrate how they teach and question the children. They also make us as parents answer questions much to the children's delight.

It is an outstanding secondary academy.

So every day my children come home I don't ask a generic how was school? We go through each lesson, maths was circle theorems, history was the start of the Tudors etc. Then depending on what they have covered they can read around the topic, give themselves a better insight into the time period or go onto My Maths and solidify their knowledge.

It sounds like it takes a long time but it doesn't. Sometimes things are recommended by the teacher such as watch Elizabeth with Cate Blanchet or read this book. It takes half an hour of their time.

Both my children are excelling at school I suppose because we have always tried to make learning fun. YouTube is full of stuff, Mythbusters, Science programs, English Literature books discussed, maths explained, earthquakes examined, all different types of art.

All information is literally at your fingertips. We had to make do with library books and we have encouraged learning.

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

I have a dd coming to the end of year 7 as well, I offer support with homework but expect her to complete it herself.


I encourage reading but don't particularly push her as feel she does need time to relax, play, draw, ride her bike etc.

It's a hard balence to find though.

[LovingLola]

We always helped ours when they asked us. We also made sure they had access to all the resources that they needed.

[Beechview]

I support my yr8 child loads. He’s bright but has found it hard to get down to work.
I’ve noticed a difference in the support he needs now so I’m hoping that he’ll be fairly independent by year 10.
I check with him what homework he has, I sign off his diary and make sure he’s reading daily.
I don’t do any work for him but I’ve read through homework sometimes and told him if it’s not up to standard. I’ve given him pointers on how to improve it.
I’ve made sure that he’s studied thoroughly for assessments and exams and taught him how to take notes and test himself.
I also get him to watch YouTube videos on new topics.

[Notcontent]

Thanks for posting everone! Sounds like many of us are doing the same, which is good to know!

[Notcontent]

Sorry - I can actually spell - but my posts are full of typos tonight....

[azaleanth90]

I'd support mine if he'd let me. I can't imagine getting him to talk through the whole day's classes, though I'm sure it'd be hugely beneficial if we did. Does anyone else have kids who refuse to be supported?

[Snowysky20009]

Ds1 is waiting for his A-Level results, I never done anything with him as he was get up and go with homework from primary.
Ds2 just finished year 8, I ask each day what he's done in lessons and if he has homework what it is etc, and make sure he completes it. He will ask for help if he's stuck and also to check things like PowerPoint presentations. He's set 1 and 2 for all subjects out of 8 sets. He's more laid back than ds1, however has only had one behaviour point for no homework- and that was my fault for forgetting to buy printer ink! He did go into school early to print before his lesson, however there was a staff meeting so he couldn't get into the ITC suite. So on the whole he's doing ok.
I think as parents we have to walk that fine line of knowing what they are doing, if they are doing it etc, and standing back to allow them to take responsibility for their own learning. I know a few (read many!) parents who do A LOT for their dc. Research, typing up, answering questions. My personal opinion is that it doesn't help their child. A teacher sees they are doing and managing well, where in fact they may actually need support in certain areas. But hey hoe, not my circus, not my monkeys! As long as mine are doing ok, and trying their best, that's all I ask for. It doesn't matter if they come top or bottom of the class. As long as they put the effort it and done it to the best of their ability, what more can I ask for?

[OlennasWimple]

I'm still trying to get the balance right on this one

DS is very disorganized, so without me going through his day class by class there's a decent chance that he will forget homework set that day (usually due in the following day). But I can't do this forever, he's got to learn to sort himself out...

[ifIonlyknew]

mine aren't at secondary school yet but my parents used to help if I had a question with homework or said I was finding something difficult and yes they helped me with revision. As long as you aren't doing the work for the child I always assumed that any parent who was able to would do this.

[BarbarianMum]

I support quite a lot. At primary with ensuring content covered and understood, now at secondary (just finishing Y7) with organisation (What homework do you need to do tonight/this weekend?), with things like presentations (how to organise and present content, listen to him practise) and w revision.

My aim is to gradually phase out support over next few years as he gets the hang of it.

[pacer142]

When DS started secondary school, OH and I basically helped him with virtually everything, including checking his homework planner, dictating answers to him, doing homework with him, checking his books for the next day, etc., etc. Completely over the top, but it needed doing as he hadn't a clue himself and he'd be fretting at midnight doing some homework he'd forgotten, or phoning us from his bus in the morning saying he'd forgotten some book or his pencil case or lunch or whatever.

We did it as much for our sanity as him - he really was completely hopeless.

But, as time passed, we stood back, and made him do more himself, take more responsibility, etc. We were still pretty much hands on in year 8, but by year 9 he did most of it on his own, with us just helping/harrassing about test revision etc.

He finished his GCSEs last month with absolutely zero help from us - right as far back as Christmas, he was doing his own revision planning, revision, finding past papers on the internet to print and do, etc.

I don't think it's a bad thing if they need help/support at first - the main thing is to make sure you fall back as time passes and pull away completely by year 10. I'd hate to think how DS would have turned out if we'd left him to it in year 7!

[TeenTimesTwo]

I'm very hands on. Both my DDs struggle academically and have SpLD.
I did 1-1 revision with DD1 for her GCSEs (she passed all of them). I am heading that way with DD2 too.

I would have preferred not to be so hands on, but needs must. Passing your GCSEs including English & Maths gives you options in life.

[Petalflowers]

Yodel - wow, you sound quite involved.

In year 7, I was involved in the everyday business of getting to school, ie. reminding them to get their school bag ready, reminding them to do,homework, etc. As time has gone on, I did less.

Generally, I let them get on with their homework. I feel independent learning is important, and an art in itself.