Year 7 struggling

[Mummabob]

Dd is in yr7 and doing really well academically but really struggling with friendships. How can I help her?

These girls just won't stop, constantly on her case when they decide to stop being her friend, telling her to kill herself.

Dd wants to fit in and when they are friendly she tries hard not to rock the boat. I dread when her phone beeps ☹️.

She really is a nice kid, she let's everyone walk over her though. How can I get her to be stronger? She's always been like it.

She's not really got a close friend apart from a few boys. I have been into the school today after a particularly nasty confrontation after school. Her head of year wasn't there but another teacher took all the details down and said he would call her and let her know what's happened.

I just want them to leave her alone.

Would it be worth moving schools for yr8? The closer school is not as good and has lots of bullying issues but she does know a few people there. There's a school further away which was our 2nd choice originally that I will contact on Monday.

I'm gutted that she's having a shit time. DS is due to start there in sept so I need to have it sorted within the next couple of weeks as it's not fair on him if he doesn't know where he's going. They've said they would prefer to go to the same school as they are close.

Anyone else want with struggling yr 7?

[TeenTimesTwo]

Easy for me to say, but she needs new friends, and you/she needs to report every time these girls step over the line between being a bit nasty into bullying. Telling her to kill herself is bullying. If you have that in texts then the school needs to see it and come down hard.

I would be considering removing phone to protect her if she is getting picked on that way.
I would be asking school re moving forms (if they are in her tutor group) and what else can they do to help her find nicer friends.

If she always 'wants to fit in' and 'tries not to rock the boat' then the concern would be that the same thing would happen elsewhere.

Have you read 'Queen Bees and Wannabes'?

[Branleuse]

I'd move schools.

[Floottoot]

Year 7 girls can be vile. It's a combination of their age and suddenly having to establish a new pecking order after years in the same pecking order in primary school. Hopefully, it will calm down next year, but if your DD is really miserable, I'd move her.
We moved our daughter at the end of year 7, after a difficult year. Here was a combination of some trouble with a couple of girls and the school not recognising her SEN, so not exactly the same as your daughter's situation, but our daughter moved to a school where she only knew one person and it has proved to be absolutely the right thing to do. She has a small group of close friends, is friendly with most of the rest of her year (it's a girls school) and has stayed in touch with her 2 best friends from the other school. She feels she's found her place now, and is more confident as a result.

Whatever you decide, good luck.x

[bellinisurge]

"Telling her to kill herself" . Little [insert swear word in plural]. Have you told the school? This is totally not on.

[Titsywoo]

I had the same situation with my DD who is now in year 8. Has it got better? Yes and no. She's made friends in other forms and they are ok although are not the best of friends IMO. The kids who were horrible to her now ignore her since they got in trouble apart from the one main girl who stills makes digs (nothing as bad as telling her to kill herself though!). My DD was adamant she didn't want to move schools and still says that. If she had wanted to move I certainly would have moved her and I still wish that had been the case as it is still a struggle for her. So I would say if your DD wants to move then move her. However I would say if she is just the type to struggle socially it may happen again. Was she ok at primary socially?

[Mummabob]

At primary she tried hard to fit in and there were very big characters in her class so she just plodded on. She joined in year 4 so it was hard for her.

It's all my fault, I'd tell her to just forgive the name calling and try to get on. If I had been a bit more pro active in making her stronger in primary school maybe she wouldn't be such a push over now.

I'm going to ring around on Monday. I can't let this go on. My poor girl will get worn down and I want her to have a good school life.

I think I'll change her number for now, I don't want to remove her phone as it's like I'm punishing her.

School were good with the kill your self comment and it was sorted very quickly. I'm not sure why she's started again this week. I think I'll see if they'll swap forms next week to see if anything changes.

I'll look up that book. Thank you