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Help m daughter has been banned from proms

(116 Posts)
Catherineandoh Thu 17-May-18 22:40:30

Please can anyone help me, I'm typing this message in tears, I feel like I've failed my daughter as a parent. My lovely hard working daughter which I adore so much has been banned from proms and it's so unfair, she was involved in an unprovoked attack, she was attacked by another girl who has behaviour issues, my daughter was held down when this girl was beating her up, she had bruises, when she finally broke free she was taken into the safety of an office but for some reason the attackers boyfriend got into the office and attacked my daughter pushing her and hitting her head onto a wall. When the fight was going on she couldn't breath or free herself to defend herself because her head was in headlock and another child was holding her down. When she finally broke free she acted on impulse to hit her attack but she ended up hitting a teacher by accident. The teacher even explained that my daughter hitting him was an accident. The school excluded her for 5 days and invited us to a meeting with the board of governors who have now decided that she can't attend the proms, we've even appealed but they still say no. My daughter is very stressed now, she won't eat and is complaining of severe headache, she's currently doing her GCSE and I'm sacred this can affect her performance. She's never had any problems in school and she's a good student, she worked in te school library, raised funds for charity, been a year and school council and even raised money for proms. What can I do now. This is no fair at all. Please can anyone advice me on what to do. Thanks

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Ebayaholic Thu 17-May-18 22:53:14

Hi I'm so sorry that this has happened, hopefully someone wise will come along to help. Have you pursued a complaint about what happened to your daughter and why there was no safe place for her? Have her attackers been arrested?

Peanutbuttercups21 Thu 17-May-18 22:58:52

Blimey, hope you and her involved the police!

YoYotheclown Thu 17-May-18 22:59:51

Why would they suspend your dd if it was her getting attacked? Not sure what else you can do apart from appealing again.
Prom is overrated imo.

yellowpaper Thu 17-May-18 23:53:14

This is awful. I’m a deputy head for behaviour and I think her excellent conduct prior to the incident has not been taken into account.

I would appeal in writing to her head of year. Explain the impact/remorse she is suffering and the detriment to her exam focus.

AmazingPostVoices Fri 18-May-18 00:00:15

If events transpired as you say I would be volcanically angry,

How was she not safe in the office?

I would not accept the exclusion and I’d be very tempted to go to the police.

Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:00:14

No we didn't report it to the police so none of them were arrested. We thought as they're kids school will handle it

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Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:02:34

@amazingpostvoices this happened 3 weeks ago, can we still repot it?

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ChinaRose Fri 18-May-18 01:06:09

Report it. Tell her not to worry about the prom. Sounds like an unfriendly unsafe atmosphere for her right now.

Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:08:43

@Ebayaholic @Peanutbuttercups21@Ebayaholic
We didn't involve the police. 😢 my heart is so broken because I never thought in my life we will experience such an unfair treatment. I feel helpless and hopeless.

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Dilligaf81 Fri 18-May-18 01:09:16

Yes you can still report it and i would. Does the office have cctv? Id ask the school about that asap as they may record over tue tapes if the use them plus it would show the actions on that day.
The school have failed your daughter and i would be going to the education department which you have the right to do if you've complained to the governor's and are still not happy.

Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:10:51

@ChinaRose I'm really trying to convince her but it's not easy, you know how kids are, everything was planned for the prom from the beginning of the year

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Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:13:32

Thanks so much @Dilligaf81 we've spoken to citizens advice bureau and there's no law against banning from proms so we have tobre appeal

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Whyarealltheusernamestaken Fri 18-May-18 01:17:58

Bull, sorry but the school is legally obliged to report everything. Victim blaming is like the plague, their ofsted rating would suffer. The only reason for suspension and it’s hard to do already, is violence, and it wouldn’t be approved if it was in self defence. Maybe a more honest family chat is in order? Schools are so highly regulated they wouldn’t suspend without proof

Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:18:53

@yellowpaper none was taken into account, I'm not saying she's an Angel but she's very helpful in school. The school has failed my daughter and I feel so helpless that I cannot do anything about it, I've got 2 other daughters and now I'm worried about them, askin myself a lot of questions.

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ijustwannadance Fri 18-May-18 01:20:19

What punishment did school give to her attackers?

Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:24:03

@Whyarealltheusernamestaken I just cannot understand why. The attacker is now excluded and is in another school in the same bourogh which means she get to go to the proms at her new school. It breaking my heart. My daughter didn't start any violence. She was attacked by another student in school, it wasn't even break time. Why such punishment. I just can't get round it.

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Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:26:10

@ijustwannadance main attacker is in a new school and her boyfriend he second attacker is in te same school but studying nicely with the six formers in the annex part of the school

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Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:30:20

@YoYotheclown we're going to appeal again but need help, anyone who can help point us in the right direction, maybe we're doing it all wrong😢

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Beeziekn33ze Fri 18-May-18 01:31:09

Was the hit teacher there to explain to the governors? It reads as if the governors simply didn't understand what happened. Your poor daughter suffered unprovoked attacks from more than one child. She must have been beside herself when she struck out and accidentally hit the teacher.
So unfair.

Eastcoastmost Fri 18-May-18 01:37:06

Pull your finger out and go to the police.
And get a solicitor. If this is all true, the school well and truly failed your DD in terms of safeguarding and have made an already bad situation worse by punishing her for defending herself.

Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:41:52

@Beeziekn33ze the teacher wasn't there but his statement was heard by the governors and my daughter apologised so many time verbally and via email which he's accepted.

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SlowlyLosingMyMind Fri 18-May-18 01:43:41

Appeal in writing. Ask the teacher who was hit to write a statement about it being an accident and about her as pupil.
Also note in the letter the school allowed a second unprovoked attack on your daughter. Had they safely contained you daughter after the first attack, then the second incident and the accident would have never happened.

Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:49:08

I'm taking her to he police on Saturday, @Eastcoastmost she's so broken and shocked by the decision of the governors because it wasn't her fault. She's asked me lots of questions I cannot answer and I feel ashamed because I reassured her before we made the first appeal. After 5 years being in the same school it's has taken them 5 days to take away m daughter prom all because someone attacked her. I just cannot understand it, feels like I'm dreaming, he attacker has behaviour problems and she came there only at year 9, and now she's been sent to another school again! Oh Lord please! I cannot sleep because indeed so stressed

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Catherineandoh Fri 18-May-18 01:51:45

@SlowlyLosingMyMind thank you. I'll definitely do that, I'll get the police involved too.

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