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Son attacked

(69 Posts)
HsD2975 Thu 17-May-18 22:22:32

I got a phone call today to advise that my son (12 yrs) Year 7, had been attacked by Year 10 boys in the yard. He was intimidated by them, put in a head lock, spun round and flung on the field. Another Year 10 then joined in dragging him by his feet. The school attendance officer identified the boys and gave them a stern talking too. At lunch break (same day) the group re-approached my son asking why he was a snitch.

I have told the attendance officer that I have serious concerns for my child’s state of mind and safety. He was bullied in primary school and has previously been physically hurt by other children (never a re-occurring group of children) several times since September.

I have asked the school what punishment is being given to these children from today’s incident. I have been told that sanctions/punishments will be given but they are unable to discuss the details with me. I totally get that they would not give names etc. But surely as a parent of a child who has been physically attacked I have the right to know what sanction has been given to the offenders?

Can anybody advise?

OP’s posts: |
Shannaratiger Thu 17-May-18 22:30:01

Sorry no advice just sympathy. Ds Yr6 is getting bullied and alot of them are going to his secondary school.
Might get him to do some of my dumbell workout videos to increase his confidence.
Definately keep on at the school though.
Maybe watch some YouTube videos about bullying? - Brooks Gibbs looks good, but haven't listened to many.

DinkyDaisy Thu 17-May-18 22:37:30

Year 10s attacking year 7? What nasty cowards.
Keep in touch with the school regularly through his tutor round his wellbeing.
How is he?
If you are not happy with the way this is being resolved or your son's safety at school arrange a meeting- discreetly if your ds would be concerned about that.
Good luck.

HsD2975 Thu 17-May-18 22:48:09

It is heartbreaking isn’t it.

I just don’t understand why I am not entitled to know what punishment these boys receive.

If the school were in the position that they told me this is unacceptable behaviour, they have been given a detention and their parents will be contacted to advise what they have done.....I would be fine.

They reason that if roles were reversed I would not want my son discussed with other parents. I have told them if the roles were reversed my son would be dragged round to apologise to the children involved.

As I have said, I know the school will not give me the identity of these boys, which I have not even asked for. Surely I entitled to know for my own reassurance that the punishment fits their behaviour and is more than a ‘telling off’ from attendance officer!

My niece is Year 10 also has heard one of the boys bragging that he ‘saw a year 7 on the field and decked him out. He’s a retard from my form class’. I find this completely unacceptable and very hurtful. My niece did not know at the time that the child the were referring to was actually her cousin.

I am so upset by this today. The school is constantly reassuring parents/promoting a zero tollerance policy. I’ve yet to see it put in action!!!

OP’s posts: |
user1457017537 Thu 17-May-18 22:53:04

Escalate and tell the school you want the police involved as your child has been abused and insulted. Do not let them deal with the situation and protect your son. They don’t punish because of Offsted reports etc

Vangoghsear Thu 17-May-18 22:57:13

It sounds as though you might need to report to the police as an assault. Is there a behaviour problem in general at the school because it is truly appalling behaviour?

HsD2975 Thu 17-May-18 23:03:29

Thank you for your reply’s. By all accounts it is a very good.

I’m not being unreasonable to asking for details of sanctions am I? Surely all parents would want those details?

OP’s posts: |
HsD2975 Thu 17-May-18 23:09:41

The member of staff who is refusing to give me the details is my sons head of house.

When he rang me today, he did not know all of the details. In fact he has been told that my son had been caught on the field not behaving correctly.

I spoke to my son and he told me that the boys flung him round in a head lock where he landed on his back on the field. Another child approached and dragged his legs, whilst the other boys watched. A teacher approached and asked the boys what was going on. They replied ‘they are fighting’ she told my son to get up and told him he was ‘barred from the field for the rest of the day’. She then turned to the group of boys (the ones that had head locked him into the field) and said ‘okay you are in charge of who can and can’t go on the field’

It really is unbelievable!

We all like to think the best of our children, mine can be his own worse enemy. He does not have a group of friends, in fact it’s upseting to say he is quite a loner compared to other children, but he does not deserve this treatment.

OP’s posts: |
ScrubTheDecks Thu 17-May-18 23:12:58

The main thing you need to know is what are they planning to do to keep your child safe, and to keep at them to put a stop to the bullying.

Don’t get hung up on demanding to know the sanction.

Ask for a copy of the bullying policy or find it on tne school website. Read it and quote it to them. Ask them to confirm what steps of the anti-bullying policy they have followed.

Any complaint you make will be far more powerful if you can demonstrate that they have not followed their own policy.

HsD2975 Thu 17-May-18 23:15:34

When I pass comment to teacher ‘this is completely unacceptable behaviour’ I get told ‘I completely agree with you, and it will be dealt with, I just can not give you the details as I’m sure you’ll appreciate I would not discuss details of your sons behaviour with other parents’

My son recently used to go to ‘quiet club’ at break. An extra group that is there for children who don’t want to go on the yard at break, he has recently really made an effort to go outside instead. So you can imagine that the first suggestion today was ‘maybe he would feel safer in quiet club’ ‘I think the problem here is that the intergration from quiet club to yard has been too quick’

I have told them ‘No the intergration from quiet club has not been the issue, the issue has been naughty children who do not behave, so forget quiet club, my son will go out whenever he wants to and he will attend quiet club whenever he wants to.

I am keen to work together with school and maintain good relations.

OP’s posts: |
HsD2975 Thu 17-May-18 23:19:17

Yes I have read the behaviour policy. My issue hear is the boys have only attacked him today.....it is not classed as bullying because it has not happened repeatedly.

My son has been physically attacked in this school previously, but by a different group of children.

I also understand what you are saying about getting hung up on finding out the sanction. But for them to tell me my son has been attacked, we will deal with it appropriately but we can’t tell you how’ just does not seem acceptable to me.

OP’s posts: |
donquixotedelamancha Thu 17-May-18 23:27:32

Don’t get hung up on demanding to know the sanction.

I'm a secondary teacher and I would expect to be told the sanction. I can't really understand the argument that a parent can't be told the sanction- behaviour management systems should be clear and consistent and the direct consequences of an assault on your child are obviously your business. That is not the same as sharing personal info or discussing other actions a school might take with challenging children.

If you do not believe that the school has addressed the matter you obviously have the option to contact the police. I don't think that's warranted if he is unhurt- it should really be a last resort.

HsD2975 Thu 17-May-18 23:44:13

Thank you for replying. That is my thoughts exactly, as a parent of a very upset child the least I should be entitled to know are details of the consequence of their actions.

I do not really want to involve the police. It is a very good school, very respectable and a very good reputation. I expect that all schools have behaviour issues and need to deal with them.

It is unfortunate that my son seems to have been made a target from some horrible children. They have physically hurt my child today, however he has no markings or evidence.

A attendabe officer questioned one boy involved, led him to believe that they had viewed cctv footage and this then led him to spill the beans on what has happened. She was very supportive when I discussed my concerns over my son, and very sympathetic when I raised concerns over his mental well being. His head of house asked ‘why are you concerned over his mental well being’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP’s posts: |
ASauvignonADay Fri 18-May-18 07:03:07

I agree it doesn't sound like bullying but as a one off incident, this does need to be sanctioned fairly heavily. My guess would be an isolation, potentially an exclusion if the 'attackers' have precious. We wouldn't be able to tell you what the punishment was (I've had many phone conversations where I've wanted to say "we excluded him!" But it's not appropriate, particularly if you know who they are).

I would be in touch with his tutor so you have someone just on his 'side' and to look out for him, and who you can contact for reassurance.

sheeraprincess Fri 18-May-18 07:16:10

I don't understand why they won't tell you. When my child was attacked I went to the office unannounced and said what have you done about it and what will you be doing about it? I don't know how I would have handled them saying we can't tell you!

A couple of other unacceptable responses. Teacher coming along, telling off your son for being thrown in a field and telling the older ones to deal with the situation. Then blaming it on your son leaving quiet club. Er no, the problem is bullies have free reign. Do you like the school??

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 18-May-18 07:20:41

donquixotedelamancha.

I'm a secondary teacher and I would expect to be told the sanction

As a secondary school teacher you should know that schools are not allowed to pass on that information.

LadyPenelope68 Fri 18-May-18 07:27:02

“I'm a secondary teacher and I would expect to be told the sanction

As a secondary school teacher you should know that schools are not allowed to pass on that information.“

Totally agree. If you are a secondary school teacher you should know that you would not be given this information. IMO all you need to know is that the incident is being dealt with, it’s none of your business what the actual sanction is. I would say the exact same thing to a parent asking this question

MaisyPops Fri 18-May-18 07:38:14

I'm with other posters, schools do not disclose specifics with parents of other children. What people need to understand is they are not entitled to discuss the issues of another child and be given information about another child's behaviour record.

Sometimes I would love to be able to say 'yes we excluded/isolated' etc. But it's not appropriate to do so.

School need to deal with the attackers (my school that would be a fixed term exclusion for main participants and isolation for fringe students).

Joinourclub Fri 18-May-18 07:43:08

I think it's fairly standard for schools not to say exactly what the sanction is. Saying to a parent "they are receiving punishment x" is just followed by the parent saying "but I want them to get x +y". Whatb

Oblomov18 Fri 18-May-18 07:45:01

I thought that Schools aren't allowed to give you that information re the other boys sanction.
None-the-less, you must continue to fight for your sons wellbeing/safety etc.

winterwonderly Fri 18-May-18 07:48:16

I would get in contact with the board of governors. They should take matters like this very seriously. I hope your son is ok.

MaisyPops Fri 18-May-18 07:54:29

Exactly join and sometimes some sanctions aren't appropriate to share either. (E.g. maybe it would normally be an exclusion but there are safeguarding issues at home so it's best to do a week in isolation with extended days)
You wouldn't be able to explain why child a gets exclusion but b gets a week in isolation and sharing partial information leaves the parent of the victim annoyed that they 'only' got isolation.

niknac1 Fri 18-May-18 08:30:38

My children have done Taekwondo for approximately 1 year and their physical strength, co ordination and confidence has increased. Some form of Martial arts training would probably help your child, when my secondary age child was in a similar position the training gave them enough confidence to defend themselves. It just might make a difference to your child as it has to mine. Hope your child has a better time of it soon.

Murane Fri 18-May-18 08:37:18

In your situation I'm afraid I'd have contacted the police and potentially pulled my son out of school until the issue was dealt with. It sounds like the school hasn't dealt with it.

TeenTimesTwo Fri 18-May-18 10:20:34

My niece is Year 10 also has heard one of the boys bragging that he ‘saw a year 7 on the field and decked him out. He’s a retard from my form class’.

Does the school have vertical tutor groups (ie mixed ages) rather than year group based ones? If so would moving tutor groups possibly help?

I am wondering whether your DS has inadvertently done/said something to get on the wrong side of the y10s. If one of the attackers is in his tutor group then that doesn't sound good. Moving to one with older kids who might mentor/protect/guide instead could help?

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