Help! Childcare problem for 12+

[ThisThreadIsOuting]

Apologies, my previous thread in this topic had not been properly edited by me, so didn't make sense. So, here goes version 2:

What do you do for childcare for your 12 year olds?

DC is not ready to be left alone at home (anxiety, possible aspergers & adhd).

Children are currently not in school, and I do not work (homeschool). DH has decided they will go to school in Sept because he wants us to split up.

Youngest has a place ready in primary, and I am hoping to get a job that is (mostly) term-time. If I get that job though, they want an asap start.

However, all local secondaries are full. We are trying to get on the waitlists, but the schools have told us not to get our hopes up because the lists are already 20+. DH seems to think if we apply to the council, they will a) find somewhere; and b) this will somehow trigger DC's SN assessment (currently been waiting 2 yrs since GP referred us). I also worry that they will be placing us according to where we live now, and of course that will change in a few months. I don't know where yet, I have to get a job, save up enough money for references/deposit, have enough payslips as evidence, money for furniture etc - before I can even start looking.

We have no family nearby, and no friends who can help. What options do we have? I need to start FT work asap, but can't leave the children in the house alone!

I need before and after school for the youngest (have found a CM, but need to visit and wait to see if she has spaces). I think we need after school for the eldest.

What do you do with your 12+? At what age did you allow them to stay home alone? At the moment, if alone DC will spend the whole time on the internet, but will get v.anxious with no adult in the house. I know this as I v.occasionally nip to the corner shop.

[stickerrocks]

There is very little childcare available once they go to secondary school. Having read your circumstances, it sounds as though childcare at home would suit. Could you advertise locally (FB) for someone to come to your house? I see quite a few ads where students/older teenagers or mum's with much older DC effectively sit in the house whilst pre-teens skulk in their rooms doing homework and gaming. They are there to open the door & keep an eye on things rather than actively do stuff with the DC, pretty much like their own parents would.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

We leave them for a short but increasing time from age 10. Sounds as if your ds is very different to my dd so what we do is not that relevant other than that most other 10+ year olds are also left so there isn't much childcare.

Your (not so D)H is right that the LEA should find him a space but that might not be in a good or local school or even one which is easily accessible. Without an EHCP you need to go through the normal channels.

As he is the one wanting to split up and the one with a job and payslips is there any reason why it is you who need to move out so soon? I would suggest he moves out until you are in a position to rent and then (assuming you own) the house is sold and you and dc move out on completion.

[montenotte]

Tell your "d"h to sort it all out !

[montenotte]

sorry not helpful - but seriously why is it you having to make all the adjustments / moving?
How does he plan to manage childcare wise when he has the kids for assuming 50% of the time?
Has he given any thought at all to the logistics of it all?

[CeeCeeMacFay]

Thinking outside of the box a little here and it may not suit but I think so many changes at once may really affect your dc so could you get as a register as a childminder and then you would still be able to homeschool your dc? It may not be brilliant pay but you would get tax credits and poss some help with housing? You may also pick up some children who are home schooled while their parents work? Also do you have to move?Could you not get your stbexh to leave? It may take months to sell so surely you could stay in it until then?

[Tinlegs]

Most secondary schools will have some after school provision. Not childcare but clubs, homework support, a library where they can work.

[beautifulgirls]

The SN assessment is unlikely to happen any sooner than it would happen anyway - but do chase up the GP because that wait is ridiculous, though I know from bitter experience they are not instant. The SN assessment even when done will not guarantee any extra support in school, that will be down to the school to agree to and choose to provide as things currently stand and if they do want to be unhelpful it may be miserable for all involved. You may need to consider trying to get an EHCP plan in place - see the IPSEA website for details on the process. It too takes time to get however and often the local authorities seem to put hurdles in the way to try by denying an assessment, refusing to issue an EHCP after assessment etc - so you need to have a good look at when he may need and gathering the evidence of need to keep pushing/appealing until they listen. Of course if you don't have any assessments then that makes it harder from the start as you don't have any written evidence yet of the problem - don't give up though. If you get an EHCP then you can name the school you feel best suits and they more or less have to take him unless they have compelling reasons why they cant meet the needs in the EHCP. That way you can pick and choose the school more carefully to suit all needs.

Don't let your exDH shirk out of his responsibility here. He has as much need to work out childcare arrangements as you do as they're his kids too. This should not be all on your shoulders to sort out and make the sacrifices to achieve.

My oldest (13yr with ASD and other issues) has a retired friend of mine come and babysit for her when I am working. My friend comes and does some light cleaning for me whilst here but that makes my 13yr old not feel like she is actually being babysat! They chat and enjoy each others company. We all benefit from the arrangement.