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Accepting school place and what to disclose

(11 Posts)
LizyMint Thu 08-Mar-18 11:52:42

Hi all,
Can anyone help me with what information follows children between schools and what I should inform the new school about? I have had the forms through from the secondary school offering a place and asking for emergency contact details and permissions for the use of photos etc. They also say that if there is anything you need to inform them of to attach a separate letter. So here's the thing DS's biological father is not allowed direct access (he can send cards and gift vouchers three times a year through social services) he is also not supposed to know where we are (he may or may not I don't know). There has been no involvement from social services with us since ds was 5 (other than forwarding on the cards) so would you put a letter in with the forms or not? I know they will get some information and I don't want to make an unnecessary fuss or people treat ds differently but equally I don't want to look like I am not talking the risks seriously. So what do I do a letter with all the details, some of the details or nothing at all? WWYD?

OP’s posts: |
TeenTimesTwo Thu 08-Mar-18 11:56:33

Personally I would definitely put this in with the forms.

Academic stuff will to a limited extent follow, but I wouldn't assume that anything important will be handed over.

(But then I didn't even assume this between class teachers in primary and always did a short letter for each new class teacher re in our case no photos and some other stuff.)

BendingSpoons Thu 08-Mar-18 12:00:57

I would send a letter saying something like 'DS father is not allowed direct access or to know details about DS. Please do not give out any details about DS to anyone other than on the emergency contacts from'. Schools obviously shouldn't give details out but it would be fairly easy for someone to call up and say something like 'I am DS's father, I just wanted to check when the school trip is' and someone to say 'oh he is in class 7A, they will be going on Monday', confirming he attends the school. If the school know they know to be extra careful. They shouldn't treat him any differently.

steppemum Thu 08-Mar-18 12:06:58

It is very important ti inform the school that the father has no parental responsibility and is not allowed access.
You can do that in any way which works for you.
This is confidential information and shoudl not make any difference to day to day life for your ds

LizyMint Thu 08-Mar-18 12:12:31

Thanks for that I always worry about him being treated differently but you are both right I do need to say something but don't need to get bogged down in giving them all the details just that his father isn't allowed access and they shouldn't give out any details. I have already signed the forms saying he can't have his picture on the website or in the paper (which makes me feel mean but safety first) so a short letter in with it all and if they need details later then they can come and ask me. Thanks again flowers I will stop worrying now and write the letter.

OP’s posts: |
MeetieVonWrinkleSqueak Thu 08-Mar-18 12:19:05

I would also ask the school to acknowledge in writing that they have received your letter.

steppemum Thu 08-Mar-18 12:22:20

You wil probably need proof, eg court document.

Malbecfan Thu 08-Mar-18 12:50:47

Seriously, the school should not treat your DS any differently. I'm a teacher and in my school we have a list of students on the staff intranet who are not allowed to be photographed/videoed etc. This lists also on the staffroom wall with photos (ironic!) of the kids. If I am filming something to assess it, I cannot upload it to any site accessible to the students unless I pixelate their image. If we are taking photos of a large event, we then check each image before it is put online and if necessary, pixelate students on the list. That is done after the event and the students know nothing about the process.

There are a couple where one parent is not allowed any contact. In their case, it says on their SIMs page right under their photo.

I have done some transition visits to primary schools. This is the sort of thing I would expect a primary school to pass on (would happen in this area). However, it is better to tell the school by two or three different means, rather than rely just on the primary school passing it on.

Try not to panic. It is not uncommon and in all likelihood, there will be a couple of others in the school in a similar position. Good luck to your DS in their new school!

LizyMint Thu 08-Mar-18 13:49:20

Thanks Malbecfan it helps to know it's not uncommon. I mean I do know that really but still its good to have someone else say so

OP’s posts: |
Allthecoolkids Thu 08-Mar-18 13:57:12

It isn’t that uncommon but you must tell them. They may well ask to see court order so they can verify that what you’re asking is genuine.

spacecadet48 Thu 08-Mar-18 15:03:32

My eldest DC had no contact with his father and i shared the court order with the schools my DS attended. It makes no difference to how your DC is treated and he won't be the only one in that situation. However the school needs to know to ensure there is extra care during outings, telephone calls, pick up etc. You may wish to ask them not to put your DC name on their website or any communication or to use only first name and no photos.

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