Need genuine advice. This has been building up for months and is not a knee jerk reaction to one event.
Ds has a teacher who is becoming less and less subtle of her intolerance for him. Ds has ASD and an EHCP so his difficulties aren’t a secret and should be well known by staff.
The subject is one ds love(d) and has always been above expected progress in. A few months ago he crossed it off his timetable and that was my indication things weren’t ok.
I know he was leaving the lesson frequently and I talked him through events at home.
It is clearly documented that ds cannot invent stories - he will give facts and can report everyone’s roll in a situation as he’s anxious and hyper aware. School admit he’s never instigated any physical situation despite him being physical when provoked.
Having spoken to teacher she said “well, ds does x y and z and is equally as bad as child he had issue with in lesson”. When asked for specific examples of what ds has done she could give none beyond “he’s annoying to his peers”. Further investigation annoying is basically his poor social communication and reading of social cues which is directly related to his disability.
There is a child in the class who is known to target ds. Staff have been told to keep him away from ds. Yet this particular teacher puts ds in detention every lesson for something this child has reported ds has done. Not done to him - but just done in general.
One example is this child was handing out the books. Ds didn’t get given his so outs his hand up and asks if she knows where it is. This pupil and his friend (who has been punished before for picking on ds) say “boom is here on floor as ds threw it”.
Ds says “I didn’t - you know I just asked you where it was”.
But teacher always says “it’s your word against 2/3/4 others so I believe them”.
Hoy was worse than useless as well when I’ve tried to address it.
I’m gutted because this school has been so good up until now but ds is predicted to make no progress from now to gcse in his science grade despite his target - and it’s all because of x y and z - things he’s reported to need support with on his EHCP.
Its taking over his life again causing such bad anxiety but I don’t know how to approach it to get them to realise the teachers personal feelings of ds are the barrier to improving the situation. 
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Secondary education
How do you deal with it when teacher just doesn't like your child?
youarenotkiddingme · 05/12/2017 18:33
Previous school were trying to refuse EHCP. Not that they have any say iyswim but they weren’t putting in any support to prove it wasn’t working so they disputed need and said it was all in my head.
Obviously at tribunal I had another person who could question their stance when Camhs referred him for CBT for school related anxiety because he was self harming. (School said I was just making anxiety up).
This school were always good. I’ve known that there’s more he could have if I was on top of EHCP but also know being that parent can cause relationship breakdowns so as long as ds has been as happy as he will be in school I’ve let a lot slide.
The current school were basically tricked into taking him I think - he officially went on a MM. I don’t think they realised the things they accused me of “exaggerating” actually were true and were a little taken aback when in week 3 ds tried to put his head through a glass window 
.
He has come on MASSIVELY since then but the HOY just played the “you’ve been so happy with school and progress ds has made up until now” card when I raised concerns about this lesson, his relationship with teacher and his lack of progress.
It’s like the door face slam
Thing is NOTHING will improve all the time ds is in this class with this teacher. He is convinced the teacher favours the other pupil who picks on him. And nothing will change because this is disputed and all ds faults are listed as a defence to show he’s not perfect.
The effort NEEDS to come from the teacher. She’s an NT adult and ds is a teenager with a disability meaning he can’t navigate this type of situation.
I’ve tried to guide him to show her he’s not the person she thinks he is and given advice, done role play etc.
How can I get them to understand there’s no smoke without fire and ds feelings don’t come from no where - and until they acknowledge those feelings they’ll just make him more anxious.
I know senco to talk to and spoken to HOY. Also spoken to teacher directly.
HOD maybe a good start? Had ds report today that says target grade 6, predicted grade 4. Year 8 exam he got a 4! So I could maybe just ask from a department POV what their plan is to ensure ds reaches his full potential in the subject and reaches his target grade? But I just get the feeling the reply will be he needs to behave. So we are back to this teachers opinion of him iyswim?
This school didn’t ever refuse to support EHCP. In fact I think they were instrumental in getting it as he was here when it was issued and they kept asking how I was getting on with it.
I don’t believe everything ds says as standard as I know he misunderstands situations. But ds cannot make stuff up. He doesn’t have the social or cognitive skills to do so - that was documented by ep and Camhs and specialist teacher adviser - it didn’t come from me!
The situations that ds has reported have been confirmed by teacher. She admits she hasn’t witnessed them. But says she doesn’t believe ds version because the 2 children who are known to pick on him give different versions.
One incident is where the other child left his seat and table and walked over to where ds was sat and hurt ds. Ds hurt him back when defending himself. No question ds version couldn’t be true as ds admits and told me openly it had happened.
I asked teacher how come it is that ds is being punished (again!) when it’s the responsibility of school to have intervened BEFORE the child got to ds.
She said she didn’t see what the other child did to ds but believes the version of events of the boy who intentionally walked across the room to hurt ds over ds version of events.
She cannot see the problem with this and continues to allow this student to dominate her decisions because whatever he says ds did she believes him. Despite admitting she hasn’t witnessed anything and despite school saying none of it tallies with how ds behaves. (Eg ds has never deliberately done something naughty).
I’ve said upthread he’s no angel - but i know ds very well. I’ve been his carer for 13 years.
La absolutely WILL NOT pay for independent placement. They refused to assess for EHCP for 6 months whilst ds was out of school because “school could meet need” 
UPDATE
I sent email last week asking how school could support ds.
He went to LS today refusing to attend the lesson. Took 10 minutes to persuade him - he turned up to be told he’s moving to another class - the teacher he had last year - which is technically moving up.
The change in ds since school today shows me just how** much this has been affecting him.
He actually said he can enjoy science again now. 
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