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Got 2nd choice - DD upset

(16 Posts)
lizzytee Thu 02-Mar-17 06:11:24

To our surprise we've been offered a place at a good local comp which both DH and I really liked but thought we were too far from to get in.

1st choice is outstanding girls convent school with very good academics - all places filled on faith criteria. We meet these criteria fully but it looks like they were oversubscribed - got the offer about 5 yesterday so haven't yet spoken to school.

DD was very weepy and upset when I told her, saying she didn't like the second choice etc, although I think the whole idea of changing school is looming large and is a factor.

What I don't know is how much movement there will be in School 1's waitlist. We are in the highest bracket after looked after and statemented, there is no distance criteria or feeder school. We're in London so I think that many people who do meet Catholic faith criteria will have applications in more than one LA, plus we border two full grammar areas.

All thoughts welcome, including how I talk to DD about the dynamics of waiting lists.

esmaesmomma Thu 02-Mar-17 06:16:42

Hi OP never nice to see you're children upset. You sound pretty calm about it and very reasonable so hopefully that rubs off abit.

Is your dd upset because she really wanted to go to the school or is it because most of her friends will be attending there?

greenfolder Thu 02-Mar-17 06:19:47

I think that in this situation i would go very strongly with what a good choice you have got. Look at website and highlight things that she will like, induction days anyone else she knows etc. By all means stay on the waiting list but i would do so very quietly. If a place comes up you can discuss it with her but really what she needs is some security.

lizzytee Thu 02-Mar-17 06:22:33

She really wanted to go. It's a ten minute walk away and has a lovely setting. Our church is next door.

I think it's also significant that we went to an open Saturday for the 1st choice and a midweek open day for the second choice - very different feel as the latter was a normal working day.

Thanks for kind words, I'm following the sterling MN advice of being positive about what's offered, with the plus that I do actually like the school.

lizzytee Thu 02-Mar-17 06:25:46

Thanks green I think you've hit the nail on the head. Two of her friends have places at school 2 and I've emphasised that. Good thought about the website and induction day.

greenfolder Thu 02-Mar-17 06:27:25

It must be very frustrating to not get into the faith school next door to your own Church though!

lizzytee Thu 02-Mar-17 06:33:36

Tell me about it! I run children's liturgy as well, but they are clearly going by the book.

mummytime Thu 02-Mar-17 06:46:27

First - having been through this - your DD's initial reaction may not last! When she gets into school and they all talk, she may well find that lots of other people didn't get what they wanted either! That is certainly what happened for two of mine. Everything started to look much better when they realised it wasn't "just them", and that they wouldn't be "left out" when everyone else when to senior school together.
Second - it is possible to get in via the waiting list, my son did from starting at at least place 25. People will have to move because of jobs, will have got places at private schools, or maybe even live next door to the Convent school but prefer another school down the road and get a place there from the waiting list.

Do listen to the stories she may have heard about school 2 - I heard from mine the same stories that my mother was told when she was transferring to secondary. Do go and have another look at it (at least from the outside). If you know anyone whose children go there, then see if they can talk positively about it to your DD.
Good luck!

lizzytee Thu 02-Mar-17 07:50:58

Ah - such stories as "at x school you have to line up every morning to have your knickers checked" "at y school all year 7s have their heads put down the loo every Friday@?

Good thought.

YellowPrimula Thu 02-Mar-17 08:04:34

Was the school not named on the statement? I think I would be wanting (probably without your dd knowing) to get further information regarding why you didn't get place , if you fulfil religious criteria, live that close and crucially are statemented it is difficult to see how you could have missed out .Thata an awful lot of other statemented in catchment Catholic svhildren ahead of you .

BigSandyBalls2015 Thu 02-Mar-17 08:08:13

Coloma?

Peanutbutterrules Thu 02-Mar-17 08:18:48

If your London then there will be a lot of movement as people going private turn down their state option.

I'd big up what you've got, and phone first choice to check that you're on the waiting list. When this happened to us our first choice was happy to tell us where we were on the waiting list so it gave us an idea of the chances of getting in.

MagicMarkers Thu 02-Mar-17 08:25:39

Waiting lists move a lot in London. People will have applied for other faith schools they prefer and private schools.

We have a very popular Catholic school locally and last year places eventually went to girls of other religions (during the Summer holiday). I also know a Muslim girl, whose parents completely screwed up her application for schools and even she eventually got an offer of a place at this popular school (but that was after September).

lizzytee Thu 02-Mar-17 08:26:36

Thanks all!

Not statemented, just with highest church attendance and early baptism.

Not Coloma but pretty close and I suspect a v similar cohort.

Have rung re waiting list and am waiting for callback.

tiggytape Thu 02-Mar-17 08:42:31

Waiting lists do move in London, some of them very fast and some by many places.
The school should be able to give information on historic movement just as a rough idea. For example, they may be able to tell you that you are number 7 on the list and last year they went down to number 29 for example - in which case you are waiting it out with reasonable hope of a place eventually. Of course, nothing is guaranteed as it is all dependent on who in your current year group moves house or goes private compared to how many did last year. But it can be helpful to know whether you're in with a reasonable shot.

lizzytee Thu 02-Mar-17 14:35:18

Thanks all. I called the school admissions officer who told me they'd had 319 qualified applicants for 115 places (ie those who met the primary faith criteria) and that we have just been very unlucky. She was sympathetic and recommended that we consider an appeal citing faith preference, also that we will be 'very high' on any waiting list.

Sigh.....

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