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Should I talk to school about my yr 8 dd's extreme shyness

(8 Posts)
Tinseleverywhere Tue 21-Feb-17 22:22:05

My dd has always been very shy. She is extremely quiet in class and hates to speak. She really dreads doing anything where she has to speak, like reading out her story for example. She is getting a little bit better but still having problems but she did say she now feels a little more confident working in small groups with kids she knows well. Another problem is she always seems to get seated by the noisy talkative children I'm wondering if this is because she won't chat with them, but she says they distract her.
She is doing ok with her work and is in top set for maths and science and she is really good at her favourite subject, art. But I do worry her problems with shyness are going to hold her back plus it causes her some anxiety.
At home she is very much an introvert and loves to stay in her room drawing. She does have a few close friends but she doesn't really want to see them outside of school.
Is it worth talking to her tutor about this? Is there anything they could do to help?

2014newme Thu 23-Feb-17 09:15:57

Yes some schools have nurture groups for children who struggle socially although tends more to be at primary level.
Have you considered a drama group? Choose one that is,all inclusive and supports,shy children. There is a girl at ours who was mute. Now she can speak on stage it has been a very gradual process of confidence building starting with her just doing actions and progression to her speaking T the same time as others then smaller groups then saying one word by herself then a sentence etc
Good luck

TanteJeanne Thu 23-Feb-17 09:28:11

Some of us are just introverts and that's fine...
However life is easier if you have some confidence to speak in public. I would just gradually and slowly try to build her confidence generally- encourage those activities that she excels in and build her up. Could she attend an arts/ crafts class outside school- so she is confident and in her comfort zone but amongst other people.

2014newme Thu 23-Feb-17 09:33:18

Thing is, introverted does not equal shy. I am an introvert but I am not shy.

aginghippy Thu 23-Feb-17 09:52:05

I think it's worth having a conversation with the tutor because you are worried and because it is causing her some anxiety. It can't do any harm. The teachers have probably noticed that she is quiet, but they may not be aware of her anxiety. They may have some ideas about strategies for building up her confidence.

aginghippy Thu 23-Feb-17 09:54:22

Just to add, my dd is not shy or introverted, but at that age she did not want to see her friends outside of school either. I don't think that aspect is anything to worry about.

Tinseleverywhere Sun 26-Feb-17 07:51:36

Thanks everyone that's very helpful. I'm not really worried about her being an introvert at home, as long as she's happy. Dh and I are both quite that way ourselves. But I don't want her to be unhappy in school. I will have a word with her tutor and see what she suggests.

Enidblyton1 Sun 26-Feb-17 08:06:22

Out of interest, were you or DH like this as teenagers? If so, it may give you some confidence that she will naturally gain confidence as she gets older.
I was a very shy teenager and didn't say a word in class for about 4 years. I hated seeing comments on my report card along the lines of 'Enid is top of he class academically - so why won't she speak up in class.' It made me feel even less confident! But over time things improved (I matured/left school and went to a brilliant sixth form college) and I'm now a fairly outgoing adult.
Definitely try not to make an issue of it with your DD right now.

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