Waiting for the thin envelope

[Corialanusburt]

DD has had interviews for the 2 schools she sat exams for but her results were borderline and she is so quiet that interviews were difficult. I feel wrong for having put her through this.
She has the option to stay at her less selective school or to take the LEA option. It's good that she has these options but I feel gutted for the prep we put in ( tho no tutor) and for letting her have to experience failure at this age.
Anyone in similar boat?

[booellesmum]

How old is she?
No prep is wasted no matter the result. All learning and learning how to learn is good.
If she doesn't get the result she wants don't view it as failure. It is a learning experience and will help her deal with disappointments in the future - unfortunately we can't go through life without them!
Wishing her all the best though.

[Corialanusburt]

Thanks boo. I am glad for the
Rep we've done, it's definitely helped her Maths. Once she's had a bit of a break, I think we'll continue with sone extra Maths to support her start in year 7. Just feel a bit low tonight and don't want to transmit it to her.

[Corialanusburt]

She's 10, March birth.

[booellesmum]

Think if she sees you are disappointed the message needs to be that you are disappointed for her, not disappointed with her. If that makes sense?
So long as she knows you are proud of her for trying she will be OK. So many don't even try so she is a winner whatever the outcome.

[Peanutbutterrules]

I know this is a really hard time but try not to feel too badly. You gave it a shot, if it doesn't work then move quickly to the next option with as light a step as possible. She will take her lead from you. But it does suck.

[Corialanusburt]

Thanks both!

[PlumT]

Don't give up hope just yet. Even if the envelopes are 'thin' (and they might not be) there is often a lot of movement after offer day and if you are persistent with the head and demonstrate how much you and you dd would love a place, you might be successful.
None of the prep will have been in vain, whatever the outcome - her learning and confidence will have been given a great boost. Getting to interview stage is by no means a failure - you just need to reinforce to her how well she has done and that the schools are very popular but will try and find a place for her if they can. Kids are terribly resillient anyway and I'm sure we worry and feel disappointment much more than they do. Best of luck.

[Corialanusburt]

Thanks PlumT. That's really useful advice.

[Thisdoesnotgeteasier]

We are in similar spot. DD got a call back for an interview for a school where her maths paper was weak and is on a waitlist for another. Likely to get rejected by a more academic school. Her friends are getting offers for these schools but she appears to be taking it in her stride.

A lot of it is about messaging and spinning the positive. Definitely had second thoughts about even putting her through it but she is strong and the exam practice is good for her longer term, even if nothing comes of it re private schools. State school is a great option for us so takes pressure off.

[Lottie4]

Even if it's hard on her at the moment, she'll kick herself in the future if she didn't at least have ago.

For years teachers have een telling us our DD doesn't speak up in class, is too quiet. She's 15 now and did a mock interview at school - the interviewer said she ticked every box and he couldn't give her any advice on how to improve. She wanted to apply to private schools for sixth form - we didn't think we'd get a bursary and said she had to look into it all and apply herself so we knew she could cope with stiff competition and kids who'd been prepped for it. She did it and was offered places at both schools she applied to, and we received some very positive feedback.

What I'm saying it that your DD is only young and slowly over the years she will come out of her shell.

[MrsBernardBlack]

I've been through similar, OP, and my sympathies are with you. However, I really think we have to consider very carefully what we mean by failure. You might set yourself a very challenging task and not be successful. You will have failed in a sense, but it is not failure. You will have learned something in the process, not least how to be better prepared for the next challenge.

Failure is getting to adulthood and realising that you have never tried anything that was even remotely challenging, but have simply settled for the path of least resistance.

I wish your DD well, whatever the next stage may be.