16 yr old bed time on a school night?

[Jungfraujoch]

What time do your DCs go?

[Bensyster]

I think the time they get up at might be relevant too?
I have 14 year olds, they are in bed for 9.5 hours....maybe asleep for 9hours on a good night!

[Jungfraujoch]

DS gets up around 7.15am. Bed at 10pm but I suspect he's chatting on his phone for a bit!

[atheistmantis]

Whenever they like, they are sensible though.

[Jungfraujoch]

Unfortunately atheistmantis mine is not sensible!

[crunched]

My just 17 year old DD is meant to bring her phone down by 9 - usually closer to 9.30 though - and after that it is up to her, her light is usually off around 10.30.

[Jungfraujoch]

Crunched - it's the phone in the room that bugs me. DS uses it as his alarm, I've suggested a clock so the phone can be removed but it was not received well!!

[Ontopofthesunset]

With DS2, 15, I'm trying to institute a policy of bed by 11. So far it has been nearer 11.30 every night. He gets up at 6.45/7 so it's not enough sleep but we're all night owls and eat late etc. He doesn't have his phone or laptop in his room after he says goodnight.

[Jungfraujoch]

Ontopofthesunset - I think I need to get the phones out! Perhaps I can strike a deal and make bedtime a little later if he gives up the phone!

God it's a nightmare isn't it?!

[Iamastonished]

How on earth do you all do it?

DD is 16 and in year 12 and is never in bed before 11. And it isn't from lack of trying from me. She is up at about 6.45 in the morning.

She says she can't sleep if she goes to bed any earlier, but she tends to crash when she gets home from school. She absolutely will not try and retrain her sleeping pattern, even though she has been advised umpteen times it isn't healthy.

She is too tired when she gets home from school to do her homework straight away and starts after tea. So now I bring teatime forward so she has plenty of time. It doesn't help that her boyfriend messages her all the time when he should be doing his own homework. At least DD's does get done, but I would rather she did it earlier and could go to bed earlier, but she knows it all.

[BertrandRussell]

By the time they are 15/16 surely more or less when they feel like it? Depending on after school activities, homework and inclination? Mine goes any time between 9 and about 11.30.......

[Isadora2007]

Whenever she likes. She is 16 and she can manage her own time. She gets up for school and leaves in time to walk there so I don't even know what time she gets up. (It's before me!!)
Micro managing teenagers is a really pointless activity.

[SuperRainbows]

Yes, it is. DD 14 is so tired, yet hates going to bed! I've struck a deal tying in a Spotify subscription with coming off computer and phone at 10.30. It's a work in progress and for moral support I said I'd do the same. But I love my late night mumsnet fix, so I've sneaked into the bathroom with my phone!

[SuperRainbows]

Cross post. Yes, it is a nightmare!

[Ontopofthesunset]

Well, I don't think it's pointless trying to suggest a bedtime as if he's up much later than midnight it keeps me awake too, as well as being bad for him. We agreed at the end of last term after a disappointing report that being less tired might help and mutually decided that 11 would be a good time to aim for.

I have an ideal bedtime that I aim for on weeknights when I'm home too - I think it would be a good idea to have my light out and book down by midnight. I don't always manage this but it's sort of an ideal. So 11 is sort of an ideal for him too.

In fact he's just gone to clean his teeth now ...

[garlicandsapphire]

DD 16 goes around 11. DS 14 goes around 10.30 (sometimes 11). He's slipstreaming and getting away with more than she did...

[WankersHacksandThieves]

Between half 11 and half 12 usually. I can't make him go to bed and go to sleep. ALso have a 15 year old who is similar. However, they don't need to get up until half 7. I walk past their doors, open them slightly, switch the hall light on and say it's time to get up. They get up and get ready - the most I've ever had to do is give another shout up the stairs that it's time to get up, but that's rare.

So, I can't really complain about their bedtime.

[Reality16]

We don't have bedtime for our 15 or 14yo, they can go when they want as long as its before me and DH. I switch the wifi off when I go to bed around midnight/1am. I feel it's an important step in teaching them how to self regulate with sleep.

[DustyMaiden]

If I let my DS go to bed when he liked he'd still be there the next morning. Lights out at ten., up at half six.

[harleysmammy]

My dad made us have a bed time at 16 obviously for school. It never happened, i can 100% say my brother at 16 would go up and spend all night on his play station. I would go up when dad said bed time, at 10 every night, and i would be on my phone or finishing homework until at least 12. Even if you check on them, like my dad did with us, we became extremely good at hiding what we were doing and pretending to be asleep. I think at 16, and even at college, no matter how much sleep you get you'll still get up for school because you have more of an understand of how important it is, at least we did and all of the people i know. I know sleep is good for you and not enough doesnt help grades and things but the amount of stress and pressure in year 11&12 is crazy so its no wonder we're all up at silly hours. I got all A's and i very rarely went to bed before 1 unless it was the day before exams. Dont worry about it too much, let them go to bed when they get tired x

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

In bed and reading at 10 and phone and laptop in the hallway over night. Lights out when he's tired- usually ten mins after he's parted company with the gadgets. DS is 16 in a couple of months.

[Ontopofthesunset]

Well, I would really notice if DS was up all night on his PS4 as it's in the sitting room directly below my bedroom. And since he hasn't got a phone or a laptop in his room, the most he can do is read, which I'm perfectly happy for him to do as long as he wants.

The self-regulation thing is a little like those posters who say you can't ever take your child to school once they start secondary or they'll never learn independence. They won't never learn to self-regulate because they have a loose bedtime at the age of 16. They will go off to university or work or wherever and have to get up for lectures or their job, so it will happen. I drove my older son to school for the first half-term of y7, and guess what? Now he's 18 he navigates London at all hours of the day and night, is managing to feed and wash himself at university several hours away from home and isn't missing lectures. So he wasn't permanently hobbled by a little gentle support at a time he needed it.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Bed at 10/10.15. Up at 6.45.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

Whenever he likes. He gets up at 6am so knows if he stays up till 3am he will be dead on his feet the next day. He's 16, so I don't control his phone or console use. He needs to learn to self regulate (and is pretty sensible)

[Bensyster]

I am all for learning to self regulate but I also believe in creating the right environment to succeed, making it easier for them to chose sleep over tv, gadgets and other distractions.
Given a good night's sleep is vital for your health and well being, nevermind helping you to concentrate throughout the day, it's something we all work at - so we go to bed not long after the kids, phones are kept downstairs, books can be read till eyes get heavy, we don't have a lights off time but we have a "in bed" time and the dcs know and understand why sleep is so important.

[Noneedforasitter]

Agree with Andnone, at16 they are old enough to manage their own time.