School exclusion

[Prostolos13]

Today my daughter been excluded from the school for fixed term. When she came home she was extremely upset because she has been accused of being racist. For me it was a shock because we are "mixed race family". She explained that the boy was rude to her so she mocked his accent.
I understand and agree that this behaviour needs to be addressed, but find it difficult to call it racial abuse.
I also can't help but feel that if we deal with things like that through rigorous punishment we are teaching our kids to be victims. The reality is that on a daily basis at work I come across people who find my accent funny or correct my pronunciation. Should I report all of those to the Police? Or I can choose to think differently, as I sure that not all of them do it because they hate me. Aren't we just giving our kids permission to feel offended anytime someone disagrees with them or have a different opinion.
I am not excusing my daughter, but isn't it just rude to mock accent? Especially where 13 year olds are involved?
I am planning to complain to schools Governing Body. Do you think it's worth it or should I just accept it and do nothing?

[noblegiraffe]

There are strict school policies on dealing with racism and this incident will have to be recorded.

The definition that schools use is that the incident was perceived to be racist by the victim or any other person, so your DD's race won't come into it and I don't think that you can argue it wasn't racist if someone else thought it was.

[Prostolos13]

So I can teach my daughter now to play the same racist card and get somebody else into trouble?
I would have thought that all school have to do something about it not just exclude people. How does it challenges racist beliefs if there are some?
And I really feel sorry for the boy, because he'll be walking through life feeling that somebody is being racist to him, while all they do is being simply rude.

[Scarydinosaurs]

How is it 'playing a racist card'?

She mocked a feature of his race, it is racist- rude too! But racist first.

You're better off supporting the school, backing up their stance at home, and teach your daughter to not mock the race of other people.

[bojorojo]

I think exclusion is over the top if this is a first offence. It also says the rudeness of another child can go unpunished. This is usually in contravention of a behaviour policy too. The more sensible solution would have been for both children to talk to a senior member of staff about their interaction with each other, understand the issues and apologise. They should both have been warned about future conduct.

I rather agree with you, op, that this is heavy handed if your child has been of good character previously. I would contact the Governors and explain exactly what happened. Be clear that you and your DD do not condone racism in any way but that your DD suffered a rude remark. In many schools this would not be tolerated either. Make sure you read the policies the school has on racist behaviour and behaviour in general then form your letter accordingly.

[Scarydinosaurs]

But the other boy has probably been sanctioned for his rude remark- the op wouldn't know!

[minifingerz]

Have the school contacted you?

If all you have is your dd's account then you may not have the full picture.

A girl I was at school with attempted suicide after a racist bullying campaign which primarily consisted of people mocking her Indian accent. It went on for months and in the end she just couldn't take it anymore.

[Prostolos13]

All I received from school is generic letter saying that She had been excluded from school for racial abuse. I requested more information and I am waiting to hear from school.
I understand that there undoubtedly cases of racial abuse involving accent mockery, however should not we as a society judge each case separately? The thing is that It never crossed my mind that accent mocking could lead to serious consequences, so I don't expect 13 year old to really understand and know those things.
I suppose I expected the school to take Pupil for discussion, make them aware of other people feelings and perceptions.
Instead my daughter was named racist and criminal. And now guess what she doesn't want to go to school because she thinks people will pick on her for being "racist".
More then that I am sure that this incident would be with her for long years to come. Whether it leads to her being understanding and tolerant of other races or she would feel cautious and negative about people I don't know. I know I'll make my best efforts to make sure she learns the lesson and still be friendly with everyone.
I am from ex USSR and totalitarian approach in English schools really reminds me of my homeland. And I can tell you that excessive controls and panishments do not help the society as a whole, just creates pockets of hatred which eventually leads to extreme violence. And history is full of examples like that.

[Prostolos13]

Is it difficult to change school mid year? Or even, is it at all possible? As I am struggling to convince my daughter that all be well after she returns to school.

[Meadows76]

I think there is a backstory missing. Either you are not telling us or she is not telling you. Get in touch with school to find out details. Aside from anything else if my child was on the brink of exclusion I would expect to have had some contact with school?

[OdinsLoveChild]

I would think theres a little more to it than what your DD may have told you. Perhaps this was not the first time such an incident has happened. Schools generally do not just exclude students without warning unless a serious criminal offence has been committed (usually involving police attending the school) but even then a reasonably long process usually has to be gone through which may include parents going in to school and students discussing with a welfare/pastoral member of staff what actually happened at the time.

You definitely need to contact the school yourself and find out exactly what happened though. You obviously cannot deal with this until you have all the facts.

In answer to your question about changing schools, yes its fairly easy. Telephone the schools you are interested in and ask them if they have space in your DD's year. If they have space then explain what has happened and ask them to send you (they may tell you to print it from a page at your LEA website) the necessary documents and transfer forms etc If you cant find a school with space telephone your LEA and tell them you need a new school. They will be able to tell you who has space.

[Quornflakes]

Rude maybe, punishable probably, exclusion NO, Racist NO NO NO NO NO.

Racism has lost all meaning these days. WTF are we teaching our children. Victim-hood seems to be the only way to get ahead these days. It should never be a human right to not be offended. Abusing someone because of their race is a horrible offence, taking the mick out of an accent is childish banter and is nothing to do with race.

[BertrandRussell]

Is this the first time your dad has been in trouble?

What sort of accent did the boy she mocked have?

[Scarydinosaurs]

How is it not racist to mock a different race's accent??

It would never cross my mind to do this- it is nasty and racist. Just as it would be to mock another race's hair, or skin colour, or any other feature that contributes to their racial identity.

I'm so shocked at posters downplaying the seriousness of what has been done.

I would turn this into a positive, OP. She is now self aware and won't do it again. I would encourage her to consider the feelings of people who have their race mocked and used against them in arguments.

[Quornflakes]

How is it not racist to mock a different race's accent??

She explained that the boy was rude to her so she mocked his accent.
She was no more racist to him than he was sexist to her. This is two children bullying having an argument and trying to insult each other. At what point does the ops daughter discriminate against the boy based upon his race?

Sometimes being obnoxious is just being obnoxious, not some grand conspiracy of white supremacists.

[Prostolos13]

The boy is new to the school. His family is originally from Iraq, but lived in Norway.
It's first time this happened. Don't get me wrong my daughter is no angel, she does get detention sometimes for talking during lessons or not having right equipment.
Scarydinosaurs: I really understand what you talking about, but I wish people shouting racism at every unacceptable behaviour just for a moment could consider how it feels like to be on another side -make a genuine mistake without second thought, feel the guilt, apologies from the bottom of they heart- and still being labelled racist. Racism is what the victim think it is. See I know that people do not sit inside my head, they do not know what I find offensive and we are all different. I truly believe people do make mistakes say or do things that could be offensive to someone, and if racism thrown at the face, next time they may be more cautious, try to avoid some people and then to be called racist again for avoiding them. I don't know if you can see, but to me it looks like vicious cycle with no way out. Therefore I honestly believe racism can't be eradicated through blame and finger pointing in all situations, especially when it comes to our kids. We should talk- you tell me what offends you and I will be happy not to do or say those things.
I work for NHS I see elderly patients every day and some "pick" on my accent (make fun of the way I speak ex. Sheet, peace often sound as other not very polite words). Are they all racist then? I choose to believe otherwise. People should give each other a chance I think.
I wish I could ask that boy why does he feels it's ok to say to my daughter to "f...off, because i don't care", but then saddenly feels so sensitive to accent mocking? Why he believes that swearing is ok? Why he is confident enough to swear, but not confident to simply ask my daughter to stop?
I know it's the story of my daughter and her friend who witnessed situation, so I can't believe that it's 100% accurate. Still waiting for school to comeback to me.
The boy got an hour detention and she had been excluded. So the message is: swearing is not that bad. And ,sure, she told me that maybe next time she should swear back?!
On the other side I know that school is trying to do what they always do best: tick the box and look good in the report. Maybe I would have done the same, especially now with pressures from the government on the whole Brexit thing.
My daughter surely learned the lesson!
At the moment, she wants to change the school because she is afraid of saying something again that would get her into trouble. I don't think she trusts herself, but we'll get there.

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

Yes, the patients who make fun of your accent do sound racist.
What was your dd doing before the boy said ""f...off, because i don't care?"
I'm afraid swearing is considered pretty mainstream between peers nowadays, whereas imitating someone's accent during a dispute isn't really on. Your dd is young though so i can see how she might not be thinking what she's doing. You'll need to listen to the school's side of the story to get the full picture.

[user789653241]

Op, you said your dd mocked him because he was rude.
Now you say the boy said, "f...off, because i don't care".
So, what did she do in the first place to be told that?

"Why he is confident enough to swear, but not confident to simply ask my daughter to stop?"

why does she need to do something that boy needs to ask her to stop?
Especially to someone new to this country and may have difficulty communicating, adjusting, etc. Doesn't sound very nice.

And I loose my temper if my ds mocked my accent!!!

[BertrandRussell]

" really understand what you talking about, but I wish people shouting racism at every unacceptable behaviour"

But people aren't shouting racism- she did something racist. Maybe she will learn from this and not do it again.

[Prostolos13]

My daughter didn't do anything, it was in a class and they were debating if it is fair for British people to have priority over immigrants when applying for the job. They were in a group that suppose to argue that it is not fair and they were preparing they argument points. She wanted to make some points and said: "listen, listen!" Then he said what he said.
What my daughter did was not nice, I am not saying otherwise, but using words like racial abuse in my view is a bit strong and I am just somewhat uncomfortable with the level of punishment she received.

I am sure she would never mock anyone's accent again.
Thank you all for your comments- always great to hear people's perceptions and views.

[bojorojo]

This punishment still sounds over the top. Go and see a senior member of staff and try to sort it out. It is a very stiff punishment and it is not racial abuse at such a level that warranted exclusion. Each child should be talking over what they said with a member of slt and actually a latent should m ow what has happened to the other child in this situation or it makes reintegration into school virtually impossible. If it was me, I would look for another school, however difficult this may be. What investigation was done regarding who said what? You should have a report of this.

[bojorojo]

A parent should know...

[BertrandRussell]

You haven't said whether your dd has been in trouble before.

[Heirhelp]

To move schools mid year you would need to put in a casual application to the school you want your daughter to start attending. The new school will then contact your daughter's curren school for a reference to decide if they want to accept her.

[NickiFury]

I agree with everything you've said OP. I do wonder if there's a bit more to it though as the punishment seems heftily over the top for what amounts to a silly argument between kids.

[NickiFury]

Yes she has Bertrand, she said she has had detentions for things like talking in class or not having the correct equipment.