Parent /Governor sexual affair.

[trampandunfitmother1]

One of the school governors at our independent school is having an affair with a school parent, they are married and have children at school, is this an issue or am i being prudish?

[Cel982]

Well, I'm sure it's an issue for them and their families. But not really any of your business.

[wonderpants]

My husband is a school governor and we sometime have sex and our children are at the school!

[DelphiBlue]

wonderpants I think OP means they're cheating on their spouses with eachother

[IWILLgiveupsugar]

Nothing to do with you. As much as I disapprove of people cheating on their spouses and not even having the decency or sense to be discreet, their behaviour does not affect you at all.

[trampandunfitmother1]

I knew I should of expanded or used appropriate grammar.
They are not married to each other.
My concern has been in the past that this governor has used their position to influence decisions surrounding their child at school, which has affected other children in the class.
Now I know that affairs/sexual attraction happens,, I'm uncomfortable at the lack of respect for the other parents and how the ripples of this affect all the children.

[Goingtobeawesome]

It's obvious they are having an affair. Some posters like to try and be funny or pedantic. Maybe even patronising.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Omg I've had sex with a school governor too! And we have a child at the school! Heck we're both married to each other!

On a more serious note, the relationship is inappropriate but does it stop them carrying out their governor duties?

How do you know about it? If it's common knowledge I wouldn't expect the governor to remain so for long.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

X-posted. That sounds like two separate issues. If you feel they are abusing their position as a governor that's one issue.

An inappropriate relationship is another.

Either or both may need tackling but we don't really have enough info to say.

[IWILLgiveupsugar]

If at some point in the future you saw behaviour that indicated favouritism towards the affair partner's child, then you could raise it as a conflict of interest, or if they are favouring their oen child then by all means complain about abuse of position. But in the meantime, say and do nothing because while their behaviour is morally repugnant, it isn't actually illegal!

[trampandunfitmother1]

Thanks for the responses, I think.
X- you are right, there are two separate issues.
I think the later(The Affair) highlighted the first(Influencing classroom based decisions).
I'm trying to decided if i should do anything, why I would do anything and wondering out loud on mumsnet.

[urbanfox1337]

First the affair is nobody's business except theirs and their families. Unless you are a brave close personal friend and want to inform them of their spouses infidelity.

What could a governor do that would favour an individual pupil, their role really has nothing to do with individual students, or even individual classes.

Lastly, having been a governor in past, you can't help but have information from your children and other parents experiences about things that occur at school and its not wrong to allow that information to inform you. For example you might raise a query about a feeling that their is a lack of homework. But you would never raise the issue about an individual pupils lack of homework. In the rare instance where something serious was discussed about a specific child, their identity was always censored.

All the board meetings should have the minutes of every meeting publicly available, so it wouldn't be hard to find the facts out rather than relying on rumors intermingled with salacious gossip of the affair.

[lljkk]

this governor has used their position to influence decisions surrounding their child at school
That shouldn't have happened :(. School is lousy if they let that happen.


I'm uncomfortable at the lack of respect for the other parents
How does it show no respect for other parents, presuming OP doesn't merely mean their spouses.

and how the ripples of this affect all the children
What ripples?

[urbanfox1337]

Maybe its a religious school and this is code for moral snobbishness?

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

OMG I want to know what school!!!! I bet their Bursar is where I am right now

[Chewbecca]

When I was a parent governor, I had no impact on the treatment of individual children or classes, it was much more strategic. The day to day running of school was the responsibility of the head and SMT.

I guess the most impact I might have had was in determing which toilets were to be re-furnished (was on buildings committee) and stopping the use of a swimming pool that was filthy. But they were always in the interests of all children.

In what way did the governor's actions influence classroom decisions affecting their child?

Affair is a separate matter.

[t4gnut]

Perception may be that governors get more favourable treatment - reality is this is not the case.

Rest of it is none of your business.

[GinandJag]

I am surprised that a parent is a trustee.

[Barnacles1]

This thread could be me - My husband is a governor of a prestigious independent school and I found out he was having an affair in June 2016 - I was utterly devastated. He's still having an affair with a mother at the school who has a child there and our child is there to. He recently moved out of our marital home at my insistence because despite his promises to save our marriage he could not give her up. I don't think he should be a governor because he has lied and cheated, but its not my call - I prefer to keep a dignified silence about the whole unhappy affair.

I only stumbled across this thread because I have been reading advice about what to do when your husband leaves you for a younger woman - it hurts like hell. So in answer to the question should he be a governor ? I guess its up to his own conscience?
Does he do a good job? - yes he does - he's also very proud of that position and it makes him feel like a man - what lies beneath is a different story - lies/heartbreak/awkward situation/ he has not behaved in the way you expect someone in that position to behave...

[BertrandRussell]

What happened when you complained about the previous incident?

[SixthSenseless]

In most schools, Governors would not be involved in any intervention in an individual class, or pupil, except to be on a panel to approve a permanent exclusion or appeal. And anyone having an affair with , or married to, or having any other relationship with the family (if the governor worked with the parent, for example) would have to declare a conflict of interest and be off the case. So no, the governor should be having no input into anything involving the 'affair' parent's child. It is unprofessional, unethical and potentially corrupt.

[user1484226561]

governors don't have the power to influence decisions about their own children.

[MuseumGardens]

Does that apply to independent schools too like op's user148?

[Yoarchie]

It's grim but really there isn't anything you can do about it.

Is your child seriously affected by the decisions of this governor?

[bojorojo]

Governing bodies at independent schools do not necessarily follow the protocols of state governors. I think this is pretty grim too, but you cannot get him removed because of this. They are appointed because of expertise not marital fidelity.