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Son won't be attending GCSE results day....i'm distraught!!

(148 Posts)
mirrenso Fri 06-May-16 01:30:52

Hi, my son, who's expected to do ok in his GCSE's but be rather borderline in terms of school requirements for 6th year entry.....has just announced that he intends going on summer camp to Europe run by a church group to help underprivileged children....hence missing results day 25th August!!
I'm utterly devastated....I have been looking forward to this day for years.....he is the apple of my eye......and this day would be one of the most proud in my life.
However....if he were to be borderline....that very morning is crucial in terms of negotiation with 6th year heads....and competition for places is extremely fierce.....we both need to be there!!!
Son says, text me the results....which I think is ridiculous.....he is already getting a week camp away with Scouts at the start of August...and the school will take a dim view of him not being there!!! His father says I'm being silly and the camp will "look good on his CV".....but if he doesn't get into 6th year he won't need much of a CV!!!
I am at my wits end....advice please.....complete split in house, fights, arguments.....disaster....please help!!

BubsAndMoo Fri 06-May-16 01:44:04

Really? It's his day, not yours. The school would take a 'dim view' of him volunteering his time for underpriveliged children, really???

What negotiation do you imagine needs to take place- either he has the grades required for each subject or he doesn't, surely. In this day and age of wifi and 4g everywhere surely any communication could take place over email/SMS/phone/Skype etc if need be?

He's involved with scouts and church camps, he sounds like a good kid with a social conscience... you don't come across so well in your post.

My advice would be to apologise to your family for being a drama llama and causing arguments with them, and start respecting your near-adult son's wishes a little.

Kuriusoranj Fri 06-May-16 01:52:06

In the gentlest way, I think you have this wrong. Your (almost adult) son has chosen to spend a week of his holiday combining something socially responsible with a bit of an adventure. His father is right - it will look good on his CV.

I know as parents we have these magical moments in our mental plans - but you surely know by now that the reality is never the same as our imagination? He's not responsible for making your dreams come true and it's unfair to expect him to play the part you've chosen for him in this drama you've thought up.

Yes, if there has to be some place negotiation, it will be a bit more complex logistically if he's doing it by phone. I do think that's a red herring though - that doesn't seem to be your main objection. It's just the day he gets his GSCE results, it's not the Nobel prize ceremony he's going to miss. He's growing up - you're no longer in sole charge of him - his results, his choice. Sorry, I think you're wrong and his father is right.

PastaLaFeasta Fri 06-May-16 02:28:35

He's doing something amazing, I'd be really proud of him. I got my degree results over the phone as I was working abroad, in tourism rather than charity, a fab memory of sitting under a palm tree by the pool. Technology is much better now with phones and the Internet, just make sure he's going to be available. And if he is borderline sixth form may not be the place for him, nor doing traditional A Levels. There are other routes and he's got time to explore options with many courses not starting until September/October and things like apprenticeships open all year round. He can also build his CV in far more interesting ways than just qualifications, just like he's doing already by going on this trip.

And perhaps your son is relieved to be missing it in case his results aren't good enough. I'm quite glad my parents were hands off in a way, they certainly didn't come to get my exam results with me. And they didn't have anything to do with choosing a sixth form or negotiating a place, nor for university. Let him stand on his own two feet and let go a little.

kormachameleon Fri 06-May-16 02:49:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Just5minswithDacre Fri 06-May-16 03:43:23

I am at my wits end....advice please.....complete split in house, fights, arguments.....disaster....please help!!

He's probably keen to escape the dramatics as much as anything else.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Fri 06-May-16 03:54:20

The school will take a dim view - really? I doubt it there will be so many that aren't there it's the middle of the holidays the results are posted out any way.

Results day is literally a bit of paper, it isn't even the proper certificates there will be a separate awards evening which yes you should all go to. Results day isn't the formal graduation.

Your husband is absolutely right sometimes things like youth work and community work is as impressive as academic achievements.

RaeSkywalker Fri 06-May-16 03:57:09

I don't think this is a big deal, several of my friends missed GCSE results, it was fine.

I'm sure if your DS does need to speak to colleges, he can do it from the camp. Let him go and enjoy himself.

MadamDeathstare Fri 06-May-16 04:08:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ditsy4 Fri 06-May-16 04:43:36

I got my "A" level results over the phone as I was in another country. I think he is chosing to do a wonderful thing.
" I've been looking forward to this day for years." Really?
You're having arguments in the house about this before his exams. Please don't stress him out now. Your son is growing up and making his own decisions. You can guide him and point out the difficulties but you are no longer in charge of this part of his life. Why not go with him and speak to the form tutor so he can put things into place if he decides to go.

icklekid Fri 06-May-16 05:33:24

Is this a reverse? No your son (and his dad) are right. Any conversations about 6th form can take place over the phone. I think you are more concerned about how this effects you I have been looking forward to this day for years.....he is the apple of my eye......and this day would be one of the most proud in my life

You will still be proud of him whatever your results just celebrate when he gets back...

Moreisnnogedag Fri 06-May-16 06:04:31

mirenso you really need to calm down. This sort of pressure will be doing your ds no good. If you build up results day too much it could psyche him out. I was in Central America for my A-levels results and was delighted that I wouldn't have to face that anxious wait and expectation from others. My dad collected them, rang me up, lied about my results (😄) and I had a fab day. You need to apologise and ease back on all the pressure

ineedamoreadultieradult Fri 06-May-16 06:05:13

It's GCSE results day not his wedding day! I went by myself as my parents were on holiday and it was after 10pm when they rang to find out the results. I think you need to calm down. His trip sounds very worthwhile and as it sounds like he organised going on it by himself without you suggesting/organising for him he sounds like a very able and independent young man which is a skill many 16 year olds lack these days so you should be proud of him for that. Any issues re 6th form entry can be discussed over the phone or by email.

EarthboundMisfit Fri 06-May-16 06:08:16

This is mad. It doesn't matter. I was away for mine, I got a letter the next day with my results and my mum rang me with them. Far better to go on an exciting trip rather than stewing at home.

Philoslothy Fri 06-May-16 06:11:17

I would be proud of my son. Let the school know so you can collect the results. He can phone or FaceTime. Do they definitely do the sorting for sixth form on the same day? My most recent school did it on the firsf INSET day in September

JonSnowsBeardClippings Fri 06-May-16 06:14:09

Which school is he at that they might not let him attend 6th form if he isn't there at results day? That's insane

DoreenLethal Fri 06-May-16 06:18:07

Is this a reverse? Surely you cannot be serious?

greencottage Fri 06-May-16 06:21:05

As kindly as possible, you're being nuts. You've been looking forward to this all his life? It's not even a thing! What do you think students who went to boarding school do on results day? They are at their homes all around the county and just ring up. They don't gather together at all and there isn't any expectation. They probably Facebook each other when they find out, their parents say well done, and that's it! On the other hand, volunteering for underprivileged children - wow! That's something you should be proud of. Get over your silly idea and give him support for his amazing plans.

Mouthfulofquiz Fri 06-May-16 06:23:46

It can't be a reverse - teenagers don't use .... these..... all.... over.......

(I use a '-'a lot though so I can't talk!! grin)

sashh Fri 06-May-16 06:25:24

I'm utterly devastated....I have been looking forward to this day for years.....he is the apple of my eye......and this day would be one of the most proud in my life.

It's not your day.

And you are devastated?

You sound like a drama queen.

VegasIsBest Fri 06-May-16 06:27:17

As he won't even have sat his GCSEs yet, it would be best to concentrate on keeping him calm and focused. Arguing about how to collect his results is the least important thing right now.

I collected my son's results for him as he was away for a week. I was very proud and we had an excited phone call when I'd sent him a photo of his results sheets.

WellErrr Fri 06-May-16 06:30:04

You've been waiting all your life for......GCSE results day?? confused

ExpandingRoundTheMiddle Fri 06-May-16 06:30:40

You've got to be kidding.

BigGreenOlives Fri 06-May-16 06:31:12

DS has been told to log into the Pupil Portal at school & that there's no need to go in. If his school continues for A levels your son might have been told the same thing but simply not told you.

BitOutOfPractice Fri 06-May-16 06:32:01

"Which school is he at that they might not let him attend 6th form if he isn't there at results day? That's insane"

All of the 6th forms round here say you must be there in person to hand in your enrollment forms and show results slip.

But I'm sure that, in these circumstances, a mom could go and do that and I agree the OP is being a drama llama

OP, pop into the 6th form now (or even better get DS to do so). Explain the situation. Work out a solution. Calm down!

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