Help, everything's gone wrong

(29 Posts)
BoatyMcBoat Wed 04-May-16 16:33:56

When dd went into secondary, she was a very bright, conscientious, hard working academic child.

Now, in lower 6th, the Head has just told her she's lazy and will fail at life.

She still works hard. She's still clever. She is miserable and demoralized. She has officially dropped two subjects, and I'm considering just taking her out of school altogether and sending her elsewhere in September. I'm told I'm not allowed to.

She is so miserable.

Husbanddoestheironing Wed 04-May-16 16:39:47

I'm not in a position to suggest what you can do practically- hopefully someone who knows the rules will be along soon to help, but I can reassure you that we had a similar problem in about yrs 9-11 with my step-daughter. It wasn't her, it was the school and 12 years later I would like to take in her post-grad qualification (and happy, promising career) and rub it in their faces. She was saved by a move somewhere else mid-6th form. Keep believing in her flowers for you both

goshnotme Wed 04-May-16 16:40:59

I think it is definitely worth phoning round other schools to see if they have places. I am furious on your behalf that a headteacher should think it's ok to say something like to her. These things become self-fulfilling prophecies you see - demoralise a person with already low self-esteem enough and they will fail. Of course.

Find another school/establishment/method of education that captures your child's interests, and I'm sure she'll find that bright engaged part of herself again.

VeryPunny Wed 04-May-16 16:42:13

WTF at "not allowed to?" I'd be moving her as soon as possible. Might also help reinforce that she is not the problem here!

moomoogalicious Wed 04-May-16 16:45:52

Why can't she go to college?

LIZS Wed 04-May-16 16:51:58

Of course she can restart elsewhere in September. Start calling schools with 6th form and fe/ 6th form colleges. Will she be sitting any AS?

Oliversmumsarmy Wed 04-May-16 16:58:55

I'm told I'm not allowed to

You can do WTF you like.

BoatyMcBoat Wed 04-May-16 17:02:08

I want to take her away now, before the end of term and the exams. I can't see any reason for her being there now. Apparently she has to stay until the end of term. Is that another piece of shit we've been told?

She will not be going there in September. There are other schools which would love to have her, and a good college which would have her too - that's the prefernce she has anyway, and she's already made moves towards getting a place there.

So could I just take her out of school now, today, not send her in tomorrow, and that wouldn't be breaking some ghastly law the Tories have brought in?

(We'll be going to see the Head in due course. I have a few more things I'd like to say to him. I know all about self-fulfilling prophecies - my primary teacher told me every day that I'd be lucky if I got a job as a lavatory cleaner! Silly woman. But I'm not having that nasty man say that to my dd.)

Oliversmumsarmy Wed 04-May-16 17:06:12

Why not HE until September. Call the education department at your local council and tell them what you are doing and then write into the school. This is what I did for ds but he is a lot younger.

BoatyMcBoat Wed 04-May-16 17:07:50

I wondered about that. She could be de-schooling for a few months, and then go to college?

VimFuego101 Wed 04-May-16 17:07:51

How old is she?

arandomname Wed 04-May-16 17:08:05

I dropped out of my crappy school sixth form and went to the local sixth form centre a year later. It was definitely the right decision.

Stopyourhavering Wed 04-May-16 17:12:16

What an appalling thing for teacher to say.....however SENCO at my dd school told her she'd be lucky to get some GCSEs..... She got 10 GCSEs 4A levels and about to graduate with a 2:1!.... Other dd hated school and went to FE college where she did BTEC and got DDM ( equivalent of Bs at A level ) and now at Uni doing a masters.....I believe if she's over 16 she doesn't need to stay in school!... But I think she still needs to have some form of education

AntiquityOverShares Wed 04-May-16 17:13:13

Google for a deregistration letter template and do that then take it in tomorrow, or date it from tomorrow & send via registered post so they can't pretend they didn't receive it.

She really does not have to set foot in there ever again!

AntiquityOverShares Wed 04-May-16 17:14:02

(or Google how one removes from a sixth form if it's different!)

BoatyMcBoat Wed 04-May-16 17:58:50

Who the fuck are these people who are supposed to be supporting and encouraging the next generation who just lash out and say these sort of things?

Imo teachers are one of the most hard done by groups in the country. I love teachers, I love that they teach things and help and encourage and support and comfort our children. I love what they do, what they contribute to our society. DD has had some fabulous teachers. And then you get one....... wink and I want to shake him and scream "wtf do you think you're doing you arsehole?". Properly punctuated, of course.

I am so angry.

Runningtokeepstill Wed 04-May-16 19:24:53

Just be careful about child benefit, if you claim this, as if she's out of education you could lose it. There are rules about claiming during breaks in education if changing courses and you can get an extension if your dc registers with the local careers service (in our area it's a youth employment charity).

Hope your dd finds a more supportive school or college.

BoatyMcBoat Wed 04-May-16 22:56:06

Thank you all. Getting that rant out was really helpful.

DD has said she's got a couple of weeks to go until they're on study leave, and she'd rather stick it out as there is one subject she'd like to have AS in. She's registering for the College in Sept tomorrow. She's been talking to them for some time. Changing subjects too. I'm really proud of her fortitude and determination.

t4gnut Thu 05-May-16 11:51:07

She's in the 6th form - she can leave whenever she likes. It might fuck up the schools stats and funding but there is no legal requirement to attend.

Might be good for her - a term off and summer (get her a temp job perhaps - can be quite motivating!) and then a new start at a new location.

catslife Thu 05-May-16 13:50:19

That's odd boaty I have a dc in Y11 and have been informed by the sixth form where she intends to study that they can drop 1 subject i.e. go from 4 subjects to 3 but they cannot drop 2 subjects and only study 2.
It sounds to me that your dd has chosen the wrong sixth form and wrong subjects for her. Of course she can start again somewhere new in September, plenty of students do this.

Draylon Thu 05-May-16 14:33:51

Like others, my only concern would be CB and free dentistry etc. Wonder if the CAB might be able to help you there? As in, if you 'deregister' her, assuming that's 'a thing' post 16, can you state you're HE til she can start somewhere else in Sept? And find out if the only 2 AS's thing is true or bollocks.

I note that you say 'she is working hard' and is bright and conscientious, but is now demoralised.

Have you been able to explore the reasons, why the change? Is she being told she's lazy and failing thus has become demoralised, or is it the other way around?

I only ask because if your DD has some problems or issues, obvs very common at this age, might she just take those issues elsewhere unless they've been tackled? And yes, sometimes just a change, a new start, can effect that!

FTR my Y12 DS is leaving his 6th form at the end of term to go to another 6th form as A levels aren't for him. Through secondary, he was bright enough -but certainly not conscientious, and yes, lazy! He dropped one AS (Maths) to Use of Maths in October, and dropped Physics altogether a month ago confused but he's going to do Level 3 extended diploma BTEC in IT as of Sept. We're hoping he's learnt his lesson!

I discussed with his current tutor that, as DS was leaving this college, what happened post AS exams and end-of-term, and we've both agreed that he must stay on, but no Head has told him he's a waste of space as it were shock so it's different.

Finally, it has been my understanding having asked the Q on MN that, although DC have to be in Ed to 18 now, no one's been prosecuted if they're not!

catslife Thu 05-May-16 15:45:24

The number of subjects is probably linked to the number of hours teaching time. To count as full-time non advanced education for CB purposes they need to be in college for 12 taught hours a week. (I have just received the official documents for dd). See link www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19
Home Ed only counts at sixth form if they were deregistered earlier in their education i.e. before they reached 16.

BoatyMcBoat Thu 05-May-16 18:49:01

She has to attend all subject lessons etc but has dropped out of doing the exams for all but one subject. She has decided she will do this until the bitter end, but goes on study leave in a couple of weeks anyway.

bojorojo Fri 06-May-16 00:16:39

Just start again with different subjects at a different college. Choose carefully this time and accept she will be a year behind. I would also try and find out what went wrong. Is it poor teaching or are the A levels too ambitious? What does she want to do post A levels? Would doing a BTec be better for her so she has a clear career focus. When young people do A levels, unless they have A* and As at GCSE, the leap can be pretty big. Lots struggle. It may be that she has found the step up more than she, or you, thought it would be. Do post again when you have seen the Head.

BoatyMcBoat Fri 06-May-16 08:30:43

We know what went wrong this year, we know exactly when her disillusionment started and why (we lost a bit of respect for the school at the same time for the same reason). It was a similar incident to the one described on this thread, but more extreme, involving the behaviour of a senior member of staff.

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