Talk

Advanced search

Twins and rewards

(21 Posts)
Higge Thu 14-Jan-16 14:17:41

I have twins in Year 8. They both appear to work quite hard at school. Reports are fairly similar. Their test results are often the same too.

One child gets recognised often - they send merit cards home and she has had 10 in Year 7, 4 in Year 8. Her dt has received 1 merit in Sept Year 7 and no more since then, despite getting similar results - often the same result but with different teachers.

My heart sinks when the bloody things coming through the letterbox because we have to deal with the fall out from one twin never getting anything despite working hard and achieving v good results.

I feel a bit precious going to the form teacher to talk about the effect this reward system is having - my dt is feeling completely bypassed and unrewarded by the school.

Is this something I should address with the school or am I going to come across as one of those parents?

Anyone with twins have similar issues?

JellyTotCat Thu 14-Jan-16 14:40:53

Could you ask the school what the twin needs to improve to increase his chances of getting merits as you've noticed their twin gets a lot more. That way you wouldn't be complaining, you'd be asking what he/she needs to improve. It might just be that one twin puts their hand up more.

Akire Thu 14-Jan-16 14:45:16

Are they in the same class? Some teachers may give a merit out for one mark other teachers maybe don't make a point of doing so. But would want to know if was a policy or up to each teacher.

If they are in same class that's just v v odd. After all your not asking for them both to be given one for no reason but if both on same level and marks that's just strange

bojorojo Thu 14-Jan-16 15:09:55

Actually it is not that strange. My elder DD was pretty bright. Got a place at Oxford in a school that got very few to Oxbridge, only 2 students had better GCSE results than she did but she never got the recognition that some students got.

There was also an award for effort. They had to get a grade 1 for effort in all subjects in years 7-11. If they got that 3 times they achieved a badge. In 5 years she never got anywhere near it. She was marked down because she was not overly enthusiastic about, and sadly pretty average at, PE. Looking around, significant numbers in the year group got at least one badge (some were dripping in them) and you cannot tell me they were all super conscientious . It appeared to be given to encourage some of them but quite frankly, it was given to pupils who were liked. My DD was not liked by the PE teachers.

Never expect fairness. A school will never admit to being unfair. I can see why it comes into sharp focus when they are twins. I failed to get my very dedicated DD the recognition she deserved. You can but ask how they judge the children to get the awards but as it comes down to the teacher's subjective judgement, even if there is a policy, I feel it is an almost impossible to sort out without sounding carping and troublesome!

Higge Thu 14-Jan-16 15:10:19

They are in the same class for some subjects.

Some examples
They are in the same class for science.
Tests this year DT1 72%, 57%, 86% : DT2 71%, 78% 86%
So DT1 got a merit for her result in the third test, for upping her game - she didn't study for her second test therefore got 57%. DT2 has worked consistently and did well but because he didn't screw up on revising for the second test he didn't get recognised for his 86% in the third test.

In English they are in different classes, They both wrote the same essay. Both received an "Excellent" DT2 wrote his essay when he was in considerable pain with a broken wrist, he typed the whole thing with his left arm on painkillers! But it was DT1 who got the Merit.

These two awards arrived in the post together - it was a double blow for poor old DT2. It all sounds so petty but to my 12 year old boy it seems to him that it really isn't fair and the thing is I'm inclined to agree, life isn't but this just seems to be on going.

getoffthattabletnow Thu 14-Jan-16 15:33:50

I have boy/girl twins .I would move heaven and earth for them not to be in the same class.In fact they are in different Secondary Schools .Why are they in the same class?This is not advised or recommended for Twins at all.Unless they are by default in the same top sets.
Inevitably they are going to be compared.I think you need to minimise the merits and big up your sons attributes.Certain personalities are more noticeable in a class and they're not necessarily the ones destined for future success.

bojorojo Thu 14-Jan-16 15:36:09

That is a really good example of how my DD felt. Someone who ups their game gets recognition but the ones who are at a high level consistently, get left out and not noticed. It is not fair but schools do look for improvement and children that are already working at high capacity are overshadowed by the up and down people. One teacher told us my DD got lucky with an A* at Biology GCSE! Another said she could only give her a B when her marks were 97/100. She said DD did not answer enough questions in class. This was odd as most other teachers said she was enthusiastic and very engaged in class and answering questions. They just like other children more.

noblegiraffe Thu 14-Jan-16 15:52:48

I was going to ask whether the one showered in merits was a girl and the one who wasn't was a boy. Seems my suspicion was correct.

I wonder if his sister is neater than him? A beautifully neat essay is more likely to be praised than a scruffy one with the same content.

Some students also just have an eager to please personality that invites reward while others fly below the radar.

whatevva Thu 14-Jan-16 15:56:19

We probably had more for one twin than the other, but they tended to be for fairly random things - even the DC were not sure what they were for hmm so we just smiled and said 'that's nice' and they stuck them in the folder with their swimming certificates. I suspect that it is mostly subjective and depends who is brought to the teacher's attention at the time. Some children (like my DS) are invisible.

Akire Thu 14-Jan-16 16:09:38

Since when are twins not recommended to be in the same class!! I'm a twin was never a problem in primary or high school. When as most subjects were banded like the OP we both very similar. It made life so much easier you are off sick twin had all work you can catch up on straight away. No need wait and borrow friends books.

Higge Thu 14-Jan-16 16:11:19

He types all his essays but has really upped his game with handwriting this year - no recognition for this even though the difference is very obvious.
They are in the same sets for Maths and science - not much choice about that - who would you move? They are not high fliers as such, both moved up on entering Year 8 in both Maths and science to 2nd set and top set respectively but it's through grit and hard work from both. They are on the quiet side but yes Dd is a people pleaser, quiet but enthusiastic. Both have made a concerted effort to participate more in class.
We have praised both of them for their achievements and we talk a lot about self motivation being the key to success, we talk about delayed gratification, the real reward being a happy successful career...but it's upsetting regardless.

Higge Thu 14-Jan-16 17:51:50

Just had a chat with DT1 about her latest merit - arrived yesterday because she got an excellent in an essay, DT2 also received a excellent grade.

DT1 has agreed to keep quiet about her merit to spare DT2's feelings. Thankfully they get on really well and she doesn't want him to feel upset over this....she knows I'm pleased for her. Twin politics is a bloody nightmare at times.
I agree where possible twins should not be in the same class. But they're abilities are very similar, so it's very likely for set subjects.

bojorojo Thu 14-Jan-16 20:22:47

I think, Akire, that is how twins become dependent upon each other! It is easier to be together but not necessarily desirable. However, sets make it difficult but in lots of other subjects they could be separate: history, RE, music, geography, art ........

Akire Thu 14-Jan-16 20:59:27

I certainly wasn't dependant on my sister! Just in GCSE course work makes sense get books same day copy up and do homework than wait till friend has done homework week later then borrow work etc.

Honestly the sense that all twins are totally incapable of being independent people and able function just as well as someone who has a best friend/cousin /next door neighbour in the class. Yet no one calls for them be separated.

Higge Thu 14-Jan-16 21:07:16

Akire It's not just the kids themselves. My DTs were in the same class at a small school. Their teachers could not stop comparing them. I'd go to see them about DT1 and they'd start talking about DT2. My DTS were similar ability then too - so the were sat at the same table for every subject, they really like each other so they stuck together, especially DT2 who was less confident socially - it's not healthy spending so much time with anyone. We eventually moved and thankfully the DTs were able to go to a bigger school with 3 form entry and go their own ways during the day.

Akire Thu 14-Jan-16 21:12:49

Thank higge didn't mean to high jack thread of course it should depend on the children not all twins blanket are emotional under development.

lljkk Sun 17-Jan-16 13:07:56

often the same result but with different teachers.

It sounds like OP is saying that from her perspective not only do both twins work hard & have equally good attitudes, they actually are getting near identical academic results. Yet one is much lauded & the other is not. I would have to ask someone (? HoY) just how could that be.

lljkk Sun 17-Jan-16 13:08:41

ps: merits coming thru the post is weird, ours get noted in planners only.

Higge Sun 17-Jan-16 21:52:13

They get points for their houses noted in their diaries. Merits are special - more so because they are posted.

HamNJam Thu 21-Jan-16 12:24:14

No advise I'm afraid, just commiserations and sympathy. But I would second a quiet word with your son's form tutor to see what else he could do to "level" things out a bit regarding these merits.

Higge you're so right about twin politics! My 13 year old twin girls frequently drive us bonkers with the intricacies of their relationship. Mine are very similar and competitive (only with each other) and the tears have been innumerable, due to one being slightly academically stronger, despite us repeating that they're individuals, own strengths and weaknesses etc. until we are blue in the face: doesn't make one jot of difference to them sad

fatmumma Thu 21-Jan-16 22:35:38

I have identical DT boys in their first year at Secondary school.

Currently they are in different classes for all lessons, but this may change as they go further up the school as school only set for Maths at the moment and they have 6 classes with 2 top, 2 middle & 2 bottom but this becomes 6 individual sets in Y9.

It is hard, there are days when it seems like one is getting more rewards than the other but I've found it does seem to swing and then we have a period when the other one gets all the rewards. It's really quite spooky how it seems to pan out fairly evenly in the end.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now