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Detention for wrong book - long sorry

(59 Posts)
gleegeek Tue 01-Dec-15 19:51:49

My over conscientious, worrier dd (12) has come home from school distraught after receiving her first ever detention today. Apparently she had mistaken her RE book for her science book as they are the same colour. How would your school deal with this? Trying to work out if the teacher went a bit over the top or not...
The teacher said she was sick of handing out 10 min after school detentions (naughty class) so dd has to go a week tomorrow for a 25min after school detention. Poor dd is beside herself. She accepts she made a mistake but just wants to get the detention over and done with, rather than stew about it for a whole week!
Dh has looked at school policy which states level 1 offences like forgetting equipment for first time is note in planner/verbal warning/detain for few minutes if convenient to do so. Level 2 offences are for repeat or serious offences which can result in detention with 24hrs notice.
Dd is so upset and outraged at the teacher - it sounds to me like the teacher flipped and poor Dd caught the weight of her frustration. Dd is panicking the teacher will pick on her now, she is scared and doesn't want to go to school tomorrowsad
It's so hard when you get punished for a relatively small mistake when she tries so hard to always work hard and be organised...
Do I talk to the school or just put up with it? If it were tomorrow I'd probably ignore it but I know we'll have a week of sleepless nights...
Thank you!

pullofthemoon Tue 01-Dec-15 19:54:07

Aww, poor girl. I'm not sure really. I like to think if the teacher is a reasonable type who over reacted a bit she might let DD off but seems unlikely.

You could ring up but it probably wouldn't work hmm

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 01-Dec-15 19:57:01

I think you should be more concerned about your daughters anxiety issues, tbh. It's not that big a deal, and she's going to encounter much worse in life.

sharoncarol43 Tue 01-Dec-15 19:58:02

You don't want to hear this, but you are PHENOMENALLY lucky.

DD is in a school where a misdemeanour this small is picked up on and punished immediately, first time.

I've been in schools where so many children don't bother to bring in their book/pen/planner that the teachers would need several hours just to fill in the detention slips. So they don't.

My son is in a school like yours, where children get away with nothing, he doesn't realise how lucky he is.

of course it is a shame that she is upset, but just point out to her the advantages of being in a school with such high standards. With my son, he is the type that would always slack as far as he could without consequences, and luckily for him, in this school it is not very far at all. Your daughters class mates would be far worse behaved in under a different regime.

And this time next week, the teacher won't even remember which children they had in detention this week, without looking it up, so no, she won't be picked on.

Floggingmolly Tue 01-Dec-15 19:58:31

It's probably unfair for a first offence; but being "distraught" and having (potentially) a week of sleepless nights is an extreme over reaction.
Maybe you should concentrate on this? Is this usual for her?
It's very unhealthy.

PurpleDaisies Tue 01-Dec-15 20:00:12

It isn't right to give an individual child a harsher punishment than their offence deserves because the rest of the class has been a nuisance.

I agree it sounds like the teacher was stressed and just overreacted. I'd probably drop them an email saying how upset your daughter is about the situation and see what happens. If I were the teacher I'd then call your daughter to explain why she had the detention, make sure she knew it wasn't anything to do with liking or disliking her and the slate was totally wide clean between us. It sounds like that would solve the problem of the worrying. Do you know the teacher? Is that likely to happen?

zombiesarecoming Tue 01-Dec-15 20:00:14

Maybe she develops a case of sickness the night before the day of her detention and doesn't go to school that day or the day after

sharoncarol43 Tue 01-Dec-15 20:02:24

Maybe she develops a case of sickness the night before the day of her detention and doesn't go to school that day or the day after now that would be a serious over reaction, and would escalate the whole situation exponentially.

Helenluvsrob Tue 01-Dec-15 20:02:45

I'm afraid I'd tell mine to put up with it. She had the wrong book and has a punishment. No one will think anything of it is another week. She'll get over it if you don't make a big thing of it.
DS did detention ever. That was unfair. Some lad did a bad imitation of another who had a movement disorder and fell over. DS got accused of pushing him!
If you call school and it gets out that she gets let off she'll be a " mummies girl" for ever.
Let school manage their own punishments unless it's something actually big and concerning.

Helenluvsrob Tue 01-Dec-15 20:03:47

DS did one detention.

titchy Tue 01-Dec-15 20:05:23

Sometimes you have to suck things up, even if they're unfair. It really isn't a big deal - you and your ds need to do some serious work on putting things in perspective. She will encounter far far far more in the way of stress over the next few years and beyond.

sharoncarol43 Tue 01-Dec-15 20:05:32

My DS got a detention once for running in the corridor. he told me he hadn't run in the corridor. Then he said well, sometimes he did, without being caught,and he probably got the right amount of detentions overall!

PurpleDaisies Tue 01-Dec-15 20:06:47

I don't think getting her let off the detention is a good idea-the thing that needs sorting is that she thinks the teacher will be picking on her on the future. That could be sorted by a grown up chat with the teacher.

If I had a pound for every time I told kids in detention they were there because I cared about them not because I didn't like them then I wouldn't have to go to work this week!

TheOnlyColditz Tue 01-Dec-15 20:09:03

Zombies, that is the most counterproductive solution I've ever read!

TrinityForce Tue 01-Dec-15 20:13:35

Nobody will call her a "mummies girl" forever... other kids will not know that you have phoned school about a detention.

Just let her do the detention OP, hopefully it'll ease her anxiety about having them for future, no need to worry herself sick.

zombiesarecoming Tue 01-Dec-15 20:15:42

Yeh probably is but schools and teachers really need to apply guidelines and rules properly if they make them

If it should be a warning then that detention isn't fair and some teachers are so far up there own backside that they won't listen to reason and admit they are wrong after they have made a decision which is over the top by there own guidelines

hedwig2001 Tue 01-Dec-15 20:42:29

When my son started secondary school I bought a zip up bag for each subject.

No mixing up of exercise books. It makes packing his bag for school easier, as he just grabs the subject folder. It also means handouts and worksheets don't end up at the bottom of his bag.

maddy68 Tue 01-Dec-15 20:45:02

In my school no equipment or book = detention. How can they peer assess each other's work if the book isn't there etc.

gleegeek Tue 01-Dec-15 21:38:25

Thank you for your comments. Dd does suffer from anxiety which has always been a problem. We've done a lot of work at home on this and she generally copes OK with everyday school life but we do get panicky moments from time to time particularly at night.
I really don't want to have the detention cancelled - even though the punishment doesn't follow the schools sanctions policy. Dd is prepared to get on with it, but would rather it were tomorrow not a whole week away - she will dwell on it.
I was really posting to find out if others felt the punishment fitted the crime tbh. Actually it's not a particularly high achieving school - lots of inconsistency with teaching and discipline, but I'm hoping a change in headship might help...
Thanks for your opinions - sorry for lateness in replying - was mopping up tearssad

Ionacat Tue 01-Dec-15 22:18:43

It may be worth sending an email to her form tutor saying you support the detention but your DD is very worried and upset about it. A quiet word from the form tutor and some assurance that things will be fine may help her stop dwelling on it. When I was a tutor it would be the sort of thing I would want to know to help support.

Curioushorse Tue 01-Dec-15 22:26:23

Ah, poor thing.
By the sounds of things, the teacher, and probably the school are trying to crack down on things. There are therefore probably a number of kids on detention every night. Why don't you email the teacher directly, mention that your child is anxious about the detention and ask if they can do it tomorrow night instead? It'll make no difference to the teacher....except that they'll subtly get the message that your child is particularly conscientious and has lovely, supportive parents. Sometimes the nice, quiet kids can get overlooked in difficult classes, and it can be really positive to get to know that they matter too. I can't imagine that your child's teacher wants them to sweat...and probably regrets giving the detention to them anyway.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 02-Dec-15 07:00:05

I agree with the others who say that your DD's reaction is the issue, not the detention. And I speak as the mother of an anxious, over-conscientious DD

wannabestressfree Wed 02-Dec-15 07:07:55

If you 'miss' a detention where I teach it carries over....
The 'teachers up their own arses' comment is uncalled for. The member of staff may have time to reflect but also might have been told to tighten up on the rules. I wouldn't set a detention for a book missing but I don't allow them to go home....

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Wed 02-Dec-15 08:24:43

Tightening up on the rules would mean applying the school's discipline policy consistently and fairly though.Or a whole school change to the policy that pupils are aware of in advance. This sounds more like the teacher has lost control of classroom management or is overly stressed and has flipped.

I think that I would make her do the detention for now, just so she can see that it isn't a big deal or anything to be worried about. Obviously it would be better if the teacher reflected and rescinded the detention but I suspect it will be her that deals with the longer term consequences of that and not your dd.

AChickenCalledKorma Wed 02-Dec-15 09:03:03

At DD's secondary school forgetting a book would result in a caution. You need three cautions to "earn" a detention. So basically the same as your school's system, except in this case the teacher hasn't applied their own system.

If it was my daughter, I'd be tempted to email her form tutor (which is our official first point of contact) and query whether the sanctions system has changed. I wouldn't ask for the detention to be cancelled. But I'd want someone with pastoral responsibility for DD to know that she is (not unreasonably) cheesed off!

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