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Any ideas for smart answers to nasty comments? Yr 7 Girls...sigh.

(65 Posts)
wheresthebeach Tue 01-Dec-15 17:56:59

DD in Yr 7. All started out fine but now there is some nastiness. DD is a gentle kid so not good at the 'death stare' (unless at me!) or smart come backs that set the boundary.

So...'friend' asks 'what do you want to be when you grow up'. Then responds with 'you're too stupid to do that '. Several other similar set ups to be put down.

They travel on the same train, and are the only two from their year on it, so 'friend' is difficult to avoid. Up until recently it's all been fine so they have the habit of meeting on the platform and travelling together.

So far we've been roll playing a sarcastic 'Nice!' and eye roll...

Other suggestions welcome!

And breath....

Trufflethewuffle Tue 01-Dec-15 19:21:53

I taught my daughter to look at her "friend" in the face, slowly look down to her feet and back up again while curling her lip in a sneery way. It seemed to do the trick pretty well.

patterkiller Tue 01-Dec-15 19:26:09

A good hearty chuckle with a 'you're so funny' with a ruffle of her hair to complete the belittling.

TeddTess Tue 01-Dec-15 19:29:11

don't reward her with a put down. just a "charming" or such comment. don't engage or defend with nasty comments, much more powerful to brush off.

PurpleDaisies Tue 01-Dec-15 19:34:53

I agree whole heartedly with tess. She's looking for a reaction. Don't give her what she wants.

Just a simple matter of fact "I'm not listening to nastiness" and turning away is the best response.

antimatter Tue 01-Dec-15 19:35:35

How about your dd replying "You wish!"
Od is that too old fashioned?

Hereslookingatchoo Tue 01-Dec-15 19:37:25

Get her to raise her eyebrows and say 'Coming from you...' leaving it opened's the adult version of 'you are what you say you are' grin

A dismissive 'whatever' or 'yeh, yeh, get a life' followed by an eye roll. Or the classic 'grow up' never hurts.

lljkk Tue 01-Dec-15 19:38:30

I imagine that DD would intone "That was really rude" and deploy a death stare.

Repeat offence to be followed by "Why don't you piss off if you have nothing nice to say to me?"

DD is fierce.

Scarydinosaurs Tue 01-Dec-15 19:38:46

Oh dear.

I sometimes feel a straightforward "why did you say that?" Works better than retaliating with nastiness. And then if the age old "only joking" comes back, the simple- "I didn't think it was funny, it really hurt my feelings" goes a long way.

No denial from her that she didn't realise how her comments made her friend feel, no escalating the bad feelings- just a simple, direct conversation where she doesn't allow someone else to hurt her feelings.

wheresthebeach Tue 01-Dec-15 20:22:23

Oh oh some really good ones! Thanks. Keen not to give an opening to more insults. She's tried 'that's really mean/or rude' and all she's got was 'its true'.

I'll give her some of the options and see which ones she likes.

Wish she'd deploy the death stare I get from her! grin

Scarydinosaurs Tue 01-Dec-15 20:25:33

It's true???

Why do you think that? Needs to be her reply. And don't forget, that really hurts my feelings. As a teen I remember teasing a not smart girl about her intelligence and she burst into tears and I never ever did it to anyone again. It brought home to me what I was doing, sometimes the bullies fool themselves into thinking the other person doesn't 'feel' like they do and it doesn't hurt them.

Good luck to your dd.

sugar21 Tue 01-Dec-15 20:28:03

you're too stupid to do that
As you are not qualified to do it, how d'you know?

mudandmayhem01 Tue 01-Dec-15 20:30:55

My DD floored someone with the Mumsnet classic "did you mean to be so rude?" We often say it as a bit of a joke at home, it often gets a smile from a stroppy preteen.

Twinkie1 Tue 01-Dec-15 20:32:43

And you're qualified to make that judgement because?

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Tue 01-Dec-15 20:33:28

Would "fuck off cunt" be too rude for a Year7?

PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter Tue 01-Dec-15 20:34:10

I'd do the death stare or reply with several favourites from my teens;
'Takes one to know one' uttered repeatedly is infuriating.
'Why?' Repeatedly again to every remark is infuriating
'Oh, I see, you're already a careers advisor, at least I don't have to ask you what you want to be.' Then turn away should end it. Does she have earphones? Can she plug those in for the journey and ignore this girl?

Wolfiefan Tue 01-Dec-15 20:36:07

How about.
We'll see! Smug look!

wheresthebeach Tue 01-Dec-15 20:39:29

A tad Who just a tad....

She does have earphones Purple but isn't keen as she thinks ignoring will inspire more actions so she want to slap her down (metaphorically...natch).

Qualified/careers advisor sarcasm sound like good options too...

This is great...thanks everyone.

WanderingTrolley1 Tue 01-Dec-15 20:39:32

"That's not very nice!"

Why retaliate with more put-downs? She needs to keep her head up and learn to ignore unpleasantness.

Sleepybeanbump Tue 01-Dec-15 20:41:44

Jesus, girls can be so bitchy! I'd probably suggest something like (ideally uttered in a really pitying, bemused, patronising way) 'God, are you trying to be funny by being so mean?'.

PurpleDaisies Tue 01-Dec-15 20:57:10

she thinks ignoring will inspire more actions so she want to slap her down

I think sarcastic slap downs will feed the nastiness rather than stopping it. The perfect one liner stunning the bully into submission only works in films. In real life they just respond with more insults.

wheresthebeach Tue 01-Dec-15 21:03:10

Its tricky to know what works. Taking the high ground seems to only encourage more comments to get a reaction. Some sort of dismissive, rather than upset, reaction may be the way to go.

MuttonCadet Tue 01-Dec-15 21:07:21

Year 7? "Fuck off" would do perfectly well.

lljkk Tue 01-Dec-15 21:47:48

She's tried 'that's really mean/or rude' and all she's got was 'its true'.

That's a screaming raging green light to go straight to "Fuck off".

MuttonCadet Tue 01-Dec-15 22:18:04

Or for a bit more eloquence, "fuck off you irrelevant fool."

Any more nonsense and call her a cunt, seriously, there is no need for clever come backs - the swearing will be enough to stop her in her tracks (at least for a few minutes).

Going forward if you need more imaginative swear words I know of no better place than mumsnet ;-)

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