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Y8 DD being read sexually explicit fiction

(64 Posts)
Cabbagesandcustard Tue 14-Jul-15 21:30:03

A very dominant thick girl in my Y8 DD's class has got hold of a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey and has been reading it out loud to classmates at school, during break and lunchtimes. I'm pretty relaxed about sexual stuff in general and realise that we were all sniggering at Judy Blume's "Forever" at a similar age back in the 80s - but I'm less than thrilled at the idea my 13 year old being exposed to BDSM at school (as, I'm sure, are the parents of many other class members who are strictly religious - it's an all girls school with a very high proportion of ethnic minority students).
Should I speak to the Head of Year or am I overreacting?

Janethegirl Tue 14-Jul-15 21:35:58

My dd at that age would read anything she could get her hands on. However 50 shades is so badly written I'm not sure whether she'd have read it all or got bored.

I never restricted her and have never regretted it. Now as an adult, she still reads anything.....from The Illiad to mills &boon.

However she told me not to bother with 50 Shades as all her friends had told her it was crap grin. I did read it and it is really tame!

StupidBloodyKindle Tue 14-Jul-15 21:36:37

We read bits of Lace at that age grin
I would be worried purely because the writing is so so bad.
Oh my. Talking goddess vaginas and the like.
There wasn't that much sex or BDSM in it, was there?
Up to you. My kid read it on the sly. She thought it was utter shite.

Janethegirl Tue 14-Jul-15 21:42:23

The more you try to restrict such reading material, the more attractive it seems to young teenagers.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Tue 14-Jul-15 21:42:27

God we all had books that were passed around and fell open at the juicy bits. I agree with everyone else that I'd be more upset that she was being exposed to such appalling writing. And abusive relationships being passed off as romantic. Sit down and talk to her about why it's drivel.

Janethegirl Tue 14-Jul-15 21:43:22

Maybe one way of encouraging reading in the not so keen kids though!!

IrenetheQuaint Tue 14-Jul-15 21:52:38

Judith Krantz was our fiction of choice in Year 8. <reminiscent>

Can you use it as an opening to talk to her about the dangers of arrogant controlling men and the importance of consent? That would be much more of a concern to me than a bit of sexually explicit filth.

Davros Tue 14-Jul-15 22:49:56

Deep Throat! Phnarr

CamelHump Tue 14-Jul-15 22:54:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pico2 Tue 14-Jul-15 22:59:12

I'd speak to someone at the school as well as discussing the issues with your DD.

Janethegirl Tue 14-Jul-15 23:00:19

Personally I don't think it's worth speaking to the school. Waste of time as the book is freely available and sold in supermarkets, it's not like it's the Marquis de Sade which used to be available in WHSmiths ( no idea if it still is).

CamelHump Tue 14-Jul-15 23:03:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janethegirl Tue 14-Jul-15 23:08:57

Year 8 is 13 years old? Not exactly a young child, could be married in 3 years or pregnant now! 50 shades is very vanilla, have you read it Camel? I have and it's very poorly written. Most Black Lace books are better written and more explicit. 50 shades had better marketing for a much poorer product IMO.

spanieleyes Tue 14-Jul-15 23:11:54

Why cant she just walk away?

CamelHump Tue 14-Jul-15 23:14:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janethegirl Tue 14-Jul-15 23:17:28

Lady Chatterley's Lover by DH Lawrence used to be considered not appropriate for schools!

Janethegirl Tue 14-Jul-15 23:19:11

If you haven't read the book I feel you are in a poor position to comment. I feel anything that gets today's kids reading is good.

CamelHump Tue 14-Jul-15 23:27:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnsolvedMystery Tue 14-Jul-15 23:34:37

50 shades is not what I would call explicit. It contains phrases like "down there" and his "lollipop"
I would have a problem with her reading such badly written utter shite where the hero is an abusive, controlling, manipulative stalker, but the sex wouldn't worry me at all.

Lurkedforever1 Tue 14-Jul-15 23:34:45

I'd been reading adult books at that age for years, and I'm pretty sure if my 11yr old dd got hold of fifty shades her and her best friends would spend ages taking it in turns to read it out loud and snigger at both the sexual content and the cheesey writing, although given the drivel like quality I doubt they'd do more than flick through to the rude bits. I'm not about to offer it her as recommended reading, but even now I wouldn't be concerned if she was in your dds situation.
'forever' I'd forgot that. For some strange reason my library insisted on parental written permission for under 12s and kept it under the counter. Even for kids like me that had cheerfully been checking out far worse from the adult section for years. I was hugely disappointed at how mild it was

YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx Tue 14-Jul-15 23:36:24

Not something to be that bothered about in my opinion. She probably found it funny. Think to yourself- is she going to be scarred from it in ten years time? By all means have a discussion about it so that she understands that it's garbage just fiction, and that when she chooses to be sexually active she doesn't have to model herself on what she sees in the media

Lurkedforever1 Tue 14-Jul-15 23:39:57

Actually should have added that while I wouldn't object to my dd reading it, I wouldn't want her making the decisions on which of her friends could. We have an 'old enough to know' rule which means if you're old enough to know something you're old enough to know when it's appropriate to share, and anything questionable I check with other parents first

Whipnaenae Tue 14-Jul-15 23:41:31

Why are you calling the other girl thick?

PannaDoll Tue 14-Jul-15 23:42:48

Seriously? I was pouring over the incest ridden Flowers in the Attic books at that age. I'd agree with those more concerned about exposing her to the appalling writing.

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 14-Jul-15 23:47:05

When I was that age, we were passing round 'Forever' and the one where the babysitter had sex with the single parent dad. I don't think the sex in 50 Shades is any worse and tbh I can't think of anything less sexy than sitting in a group reading it aloud.

My only slight concern about 50 Shades is the fetishisation of money and the glorification of an emotionally abusive relationship but I'm guessing they're skipping those 'boring' bits or mocking them so I wouldn't worry too much about those either.

So, in short, I wouldn't be going to the teacher (but then I wouldn't be calling a child 'thick' either so I guess my values are quite different from your's and hence probably not that relevant).

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