Sexual bullying

[LouisPasteur]

DD hates her form class. She is a quiet girl amongst other girls but surrounded by a larger group of boys. They're all at the end of year 9 now. She's been unhappy for a while now but always told me that they boys are rowdy and get on her nerves. Tonight, everything has spilled out and I'm desperate for advice.

DD came home from school in tears - for the umpteenth time, one of the boys has told her and her best friend that if they don't have sex with him, he's going to spread a load of lies about them on the Internet. Another quiet girl in their class has in the last few weeks succumbed to his threats and sent him photo's of herself - DD hasn't seen them but she said that some we're of her undressed - and now the boy has sent them all to his large group of friends.

Not only are they disruptive to work, they are always talking about porn and sex. My daughter feels vulnerable in her own class. The boys are I understand, behaving in sexually aggressive ways and my DD doesn't want to return. She left her class yesterday with her friend under the guise that she was unwell and they spoke to another teacher. This teacher was horrified and asked her had she reported it to their Head of Year, but even though DD hasn't, other pupils have yet nothing seems to be done.

I don't want my DD being educated in such a sexually aggressive environment and I want to plan my next step well. I don't want to burst in there too emotional because I know that I won't be taken seriously. Please advise me on how best to handle this.

[mrstweefromtweesville]

Tomorrow contact the school's Child Protection Officer. This is entirely inappropriate and the school will take action.
If that isn't working, I'd report it to the police. I'd have no hesitation in changing dd's school, or keeping her at home meanwhile. This isn't a small thing, its immensely intimidating.

[springlamb]

I truly feel that only the police could sort this out. Sorry, I think this is just too appalling for the school alone to deal with.
I am so sad for these girls.

[noblegiraffe]

The police can become involved in the issue of the photos, as it is illegal to be in possession of them - indecent images of a child.

The pressuring to send photos is also against the law.

The school should be taking this exceptionally seriously. You need to phone and speak to the child protection officer and say you will be contacting the police if strong action is not taken immediately. And by strong action, I would expect a temporary exclusion.

[LouisPasteur]

I am immensely grateful to you all. You have no idea how much.
I have told DD that she will not be returning to school this academic year and I have telephoned her best friends Mum to discuss. She is also keeping her daughter off school until action is taken. DD burst into tears of relief when I told her.

I'm going to phone the School tomorrow and request an am regency appointment with the CPO and the Head. I feel stronger in my position now after reading all your responses.

I cannot put into words what I'm feeling at the moment. I feel an intense hatred towards these boys and hope that this school takes action. If they let my DD down, I will not hesitate to move schools. DD is prepared.

[admission]

You need to see what happens with the school, but I would make very sure that you make it clear to the school that if appropriate action is not taken then you will be reporting the situation to the Local Authority designated officer (LADO). They might have a different title but in effect they are the person in the Local Authority that the school will have to report this to anyway as a significant safeguarding issue.

[pollyisnotputtingthekettleon]

Also school.may have a community police officer attached who are a bridge between school and police. God yes please see these people and by all means take a friend ... someone who can speak for you and listen. I would follow any meeting up with an email detailing your concerns and asking for an investigation within a reasonable date with an outcome. They should also outline plans for the school to visit/speak to your DD with another adult present. Is there an alternative school she cam visit? Just to get the idea in her head.

[noblegiraffe]

Actually, having thought about it further, the mother of the girl who was pressurised to send the photos which were then distributed should be contacting the police regardless of what action the school take. They sound like potential rapists.

[pollyisnotputtingthekettleon]

My DD had to sign an agreement for electronic devises which stated incorrect abuse would.lead to x y z. I would assume moat schools have this in place these days. If others have complained then you maybe the push they need. Do you know these boys/parents/backgrounds? They may already have some involvement from outside agencies. I know children shouldnt be moved in these situations (DD) but as its her final years and shes relieved... do not hesitate to do so.

[WhattodowithMum]

I just want to extend my shock and sympathy. Poor girls! I'm glad you are involved now. Your DD must be so relieved. All the previous advice sounds very sensible.
Be strong, deep breath, you can do it.

[LouisPasteur]

A third Mum has contacted me very early this morning. After a sleepless night, she and her DH have decided to keep their DD off until the end of term too.

It seems that I have opened a Pandora's box. Both the other Mum's are awaiting my call and they are hoping to join me at the school for the appointment.

[Whichseason]

YY to going into school and asking to speak to a child protection officer. Both possession and sending sexual images of under 16 years old as illegal. Ask them what they are going to do to protect your child (specify that you want her moved form class) and what steps they are going to take to address the sexually aggressive culture and teach children about sending sexually aggressive images.

[GrumpyOldBiddy2]

Well done for standing up for your girls. Let us know how you get on.

[LouisPasteur]

Thanks Camel. That's a fair point. I'm going to speak to the two Mum's this morning and say just that.

I should mention at this point that I have also posted this on the Feminist support board. I wrongly assumed that the Education board would be quiet because of the hectic report writing you're all doing and I wanted to 'talk' about this last night and get as much support as possible.

You're all helping me a great deal. Thank you.

[pollyisnotputtingthekettleon]

Make notes before you go, so you cover everything. Please take a friend, you need their take and support.

[LouisPasteur]

My Dad wants to come - retired lecturer so really well spoken. I'm worried he'll get more distressed than me! He's such a gent. I'm a widower so I could do with the back up.

[noblegiraffe]

To clarify, an indecent image of a child can be just a topless girl, there doesn't have to be more than that involved.

It's illegal to take, send or share indecent images of under 18s.

It's also illegal to pressurise a child into sending an indecent image.

The school should know this!

[Koalafications]

I cannot imagine how distressed you and your DD are, OP.

I really hope the school take this seriously.

[stargazer2030]

This comes under Child Sex Exploitation and must be taken seriously by the school and the police need to be involved. Don't be fobbed off. Good luck with everything.

[DameMargaretOfChalfont]

OP - I need to type quickly as I'm late for work but I just wanted to say that when you leave the meeting make sure that you have already booked a follow up appointment for you to return to school BEFORE your DD does.

This meeting will be to see what action has been taken and what measures have been put in place to safeguard these girls. The school may try to fob you off saying "Leave it to us" - DONOT - book that follow up appointment.

Sorry, must dash,

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

I'm appalled by the fact that the head of year has been told and nothing has been done.

Just to be clear, blackmailing or bullying anyone into sex is rape. So if any of the girls have given in then the crime is very clear. And the crime of having and distributing indecent images of someone under the age of 18 is a serious crime too.

Have you called 101 to discuss this with the police? It really is that serious.

Well done you on supporting your daughter. She must feel so relieved to have told you. You're doing brilliantly. Good luck today

[noblegiraffe]

I agree that the Head of Year has really failed in their duty of care if they knew about this and nothing happened. They need to update their child protection training at the very least.

[mummytime]

You do need to ensure the police will be involved. This is a very serious crime.

BTW this kind of thing is dealt with very bluntly in PSHE at my DCs school.