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What would you expect done in this situation?

(40 Posts)
Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 15:39:52

Name changed as very specific.

On a trip a couple of weeks ago one of the boys who has a bit of a reputation was winding my Sen dd up on the coach. He was putting his hands through the seats , poking her and saying she had bit him . She definatey hadn't. He then got several of his mates to chant biter at her.
Dd asked to move explaining why and was allowed but the boy was allowed to move behind her again and continued. Dd text me. I told school and he was moved.

Back at school however he has told everyone who wasn't on the trip she bit him. Lots of people are now asking her why she bit him and she's just saying she didnt. However there are several boys calling her Suarez (as in the footballer who bit) now and dd is getting very distressed. She has Sen and is very sensitive and was already really struggling in school. She is year seven.

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 16:16:36

Anyone? Even if you feel dd should just suck it up?

RandomMess Tue 07-Jul-15 16:19:41

I would expect the school to haul the boy in and deal with it following their bullying thingy. Including him admitting that he has lied to the peers and a written apology to your dd.

I would also be expecting them to support DD emotionally during the school day.

noblegiraffe Tue 07-Jul-15 16:21:10

Report it as bullying (which it is) to the head of year or similar pastoral leader. If you have contact with the SENCO, also discuss it with them to see if they can offer any support.

RandomMess Tue 07-Jul-15 16:22:22

Don't know what Anti-Bullying Policy your school has but this one certainly covers this sort of behaviour

RandomMess Tue 07-Jul-15 16:23:21

This bit covers what happened

Bullying may be defined as the intentional hurting, harming or humiliating of another person
by physical (including sexual), verbal (including via social media sites and SMS messages),
and emotional means (by excluding, tormenting or spreading malicious rumours). It can
involve manipulating a third party to tease to torment someone. It can involve complicity that
falls short of direct participation. Bullying is often hidden and subtle. It can also be overt and
7. Bullying may involve actions or comments that are racist, cultural homophobic, which focus
on disabilities or other physical attributes (such as hair colour or body shape). Bullying can
happen anywhere and at any time and can cause psychological damage. We always treat it
very seriously. It conflicts sharply with the school’s policy on equal opportunities, as well as
with its social and moral principles.

VerityWaves Tue 07-Jul-15 16:24:23

This is classic bullying. Please report and don't let it go until there has been an apology and acknowledgement ..

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 16:28:01

Thank you. It is bullying isn't it, I'm not over reacting am I.
I'm pretty cross to be honest. Dd has been bullied most of primary and we thought secondary was going better. Obviously not sad

I emailed year head who hasn't replied yet and wrote a note to form teacher. Form teacher didn't speak to the named boys but told dd to tell her if it happened again. A different boy did it in school and form teacher told him off. However he and another boy waited after school and carried it on.

RandomMess Tue 07-Jul-15 16:47:07

So harassment & intimidation on the way home from school? Call the police, your dd is a vulnerable CHILD and they are above the age of criminal responsibility.

With regards to how shitty the school is being time to make an appointment with the head or another of the leadership team and take in their anti bullying policy with you and ask why they are not following it. Take another adult with you to act as a scribe/to take minutes - ask if you can record it.

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 16:54:09

Thanks I already have a meeting Friday.

RandomMess Tue 07-Jul-15 17:39:54

Please call the Police, even if there is nothing they can do about this incident it will be logged so if it continues it will add weight. They know what they are doing is cruel, unkind and wrong and if it's outside of school I doubt the school will get involved in that aspect.

Have you got someone who can go with you? Please make notes especially of when they will do x y z by and how they will escalate if it continues etc.

Floggingmolly Tue 07-Jul-15 18:26:06

Tell them if it happens again??? Having failed to deal with it this time?? I second the Police; if only to get the school to take you seriously. That is appalling.

RandomMess Tue 07-Jul-15 18:47:42

I am fuming at the school's response tbh, it's disgusting.

YeOldTrout Tue 07-Jul-15 19:33:16

How likely is it that the boy himself also has SEN?

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 19:40:36

I'm not sure about the original boy. He isn't in her Sen room at lunch or any of the Sen groups she is.
There's now a group of boys all calling her.

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 19:41:32

She hasn't actually seen the original boy since the trip. it's his mates now.

YeOldTrout Tue 07-Jul-15 19:41:58

It's terrible bullying, I just wondered if there was any context to why they had such poor self-control.

Millymollymama Tue 07-Jul-15 19:51:08

One suspects they are not very bright and follow what a "leader" child suggests. I think they often behave worse in groups, than they would as individuals. School should definitely get on with dealing with it..

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 19:55:04

I don't know trout. I have to concentrate on dd who yet again after suffering bully at primary doesn't want to go to school sad

TheUnwillingNarcheska Tue 07-Jul-15 21:27:13

I would contact them tomorrow and ask for a copy of their bullying policy so you can go in forearmed on Friday. That way you can quote policy at them.

Personally I think it is appalling it hasn't been dealt with already.

Ds1 is in year 7 and we chose a school specifically because of the zero tolerance to this sort of behaviour.

I have emailed the head of year at 8.30pm and he has responded 20 minutes later, the matter was then dealt with the next day.

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 21:45:03

Such behaviour constitutes bullying if:
• it is repetitive, wilful or persistent
• it is intentionally harmful, carried out by an individual or a group
School community recognises that being bullied undermines self-esteem and confidence, sometimes with devastating consequences. It can result in long-term psychological harm and it can undermine the ability to concentrate and learn; as a result, it can impact on a young person's chance of achieving their full potential at school and in later life.
Specific types of bullying include:
• Emotionally harmful behaviour: such as taunting, spreading hurtful rumours.
These can be further categorised as:
• Verbal: Name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, persistent teasing.

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 21:45:44

I've got the policy off their website

RandomMess Tue 07-Jul-15 22:04:40

What does it say about sanctions for those bullying and do they seem to be following them...

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 22:28:44

Incident Management
The school will take firm and decisive action to deal with any incident of bullying which is witnessed by or reported to any member of staff. Bullying can be reported by a student to any trusted adult. When a member of staff receives information, either directly or indirectly, that a student may have been the victim of a bullying incident, this report will be taken seriously and investigated. The relevant Head of Year must be informed immediately of any alleged bullying incidents. The school will offer a proactive, sympathetic and supportive response to the victims of bullying. The exact nature of the response will be determined by the particular student’s individual needs and may include:
• immediate action to stop the incident and secure the child's safety
• positive reinforcement that reporting the incident was the correct thing to do
• reassurance that the victim is not responsible for the behaviour of the bully
• strategies to prevent further incidents
• sympathy and empathy
• counselling
assertiveness training
• extra supervision/monitoring
• creation of a support group
• informing/involving parents
• adult mediation between the perpetrator and the victim
• referral to SLT and/or SBPO
• restorative approaches or restorative justice
• Head’s of Year monitoring the students involved after the issue has been dealt with, in an ongoing way.
For Students Involved in Bullying Incidents School takes bullying behaviour very seriously and will adopt a supportive, pragmatic, problem-solving approach to enable bullies to behave in a more acceptable way. Steps will be taken to change the attitude and behaviour of the bully, as well as ensuring access to any help that they may need. We will respond to incidents of bullying behaviour in a proportionate way
- the more serious the cause for concern the more serious the response. When sanctions are felt to be necessary they will be applied consistently and fairly. These sanctions may include: detention, a period of time in Room 101 or fixed-term exclusion. In the case of persistent bullying, the perpetrator may risk losing their place at the school.

Chokingonhollister Tue 07-Jul-15 22:29:49

Interestingly I've been contacted tonight by another Mum from the same school also having issues with different children.

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