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Are parent's over involved in their children's education?

(41 Posts)
Cathers249 Sun 28-Jun-15 01:26:57

Just as an observation, over the past 10 years I have noticed that parents have been getting a lot more involved in their children's education, aided by the advent of the internet. My question is whether this is beneficial or not, and whether or not you guys think that children do better when allowed to work under their own steam?

ShanghaiDiva Sun 28-Jun-15 02:24:08

I think education should be a partnership between the school, the child and the parents. Parental support is important, but does not preclude children working under own steam as you put it and no idea what this has to do with the Internet. My parents were interested in/ supported my education way back in the 1970s.

JustRichmal Sun 28-Jun-15 06:29:27

There seems to be two views on this: Those who see their child's education primarily as the responsibility of the school and those who see their child's education primarily as the responsibility of the parents. I suspect the latter group does relatively better academically.

How much of their own steam a you would expect to have is age related. An eleven year old, just starting secondary may need lots of help, however if you are still having to spoon feed learning to your 17 year old, they are not going to manage university. Part of their education should be independent learning. I see the internet as assisting, rather than detracting from this.

Also how much of their own steam they work under is dependent on which school they attend. People pay for private because they have the ethic of getting children to achieve academically. Why should a person who cannot afford private not also give their child the same ability to reach their potential?

TeenAndTween Sun 28-Jun-15 07:18:46

Are you a journalist? Just asking due to the other similar post regarding paying for grades.

Anyway. The amount of involvement required by a child depends on the child. My elder one needs a lot of support, my younger one not so much. But it is much easier to get a good education first time round than try to go back later as an adult. So I will continue to support my children as much as they need to enable them to gain as much as possible from the free education the state generously provides.

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot Sun 28-Jun-15 07:27:45

I like supportive parents who want to work with me- I call parents a lot and give feedback on a regular basis for students whose parents are (rightly) concerned about their school performance being influenced by external factors (illness, problems at home, friendship groups) and want to ensure they're staying on track. They will also support with help at home (if needed) and that sort of cooperation goes a long way.

Parents trying to do their child's assessments, looking for blame for poor grades or trying to argue that their child can't do detentions/sanctions and are over involved in that way are a big problem. This year six induction day we had four parents call to complain that the HOY raised his voice during assembly to ask for quiet. All "not complaining BUT..." And then went on the day what a wonderful day they all had, but feel scared of the HOY. This does not bode well. If in year seven they aren't a little bit scared of the HOY, something has gone wrong- who would call to complain about that??

LilyTucker Sun 28-Jun-15 07:41:23

What Just said.

I have had to be involved in my dc's education for all sorts of reasons but primarily the primary they attended which was RI for a while and to this day relies on intake and parents covering gaps whilst doing very little to foster communication or involvement.

My dp's parents gave him zero parental input and it has ruined the life of one of his siblings.He got into a red brick uni via night school but missed years he won't get back.His parents really regret not being more pro active. His mother has said several times she didn't know how to help her DC achieve what they had the potential to at the time.Her literacy levels are poor so I'm not sure if the Internet would have helped. Dp's dad is very bright so it may well have been useful for him.

One of the reasons my 2 eldest are going to the secondary they are is because we want our boys pushed at school,trained to be more educationally independent, trained in developing a work ethic and for us to be able to stand back and leave it more to the school. It was interesting as after a parents evening for new intake it was clear how well this school fosters all of this but how much they value and involve parents too when it is needed. Strangely parental involvement seemed to be valued more in a way than primary which spoke volumes.We learnt more re our son's education in that 2 hours than their entire 7 years at primary. confused

LilyTucker Sun 28-Jun-15 08:04:23

Also have to say one of the reason's my dp didn't do the 11+ was because his parents didn't know about it,the Internet would have helped.You can get pretty much everything you need online.Education can be bewildering.I was a primary teacher back in the day and often need help via the Internet.

Information has always held power. Helping your kids get better grades,get into good Unis and compete against the unfair advantages the private system give is surely a good thing.

People with kids in private schools are paying for this information so get it with very little effort.The rest of us have to work a little harder.Any tools that make this easier is surely a good thing.

My only concern us that proactive parents can bump up school grades and give them an easier ride with Ofsted. If you are a child in a coasting school without proactive parents I think you are at a disadvantage.

AuntieStella Sun 28-Jun-15 08:14:12

Can you explain how the rise of the Internet makes any difference to this?

Because I really cannot see that as a factor.

Especially as most teens are way better on line than a parent.

JustRichmal Sun 28-Jun-15 08:17:47

If you are a journalist, the question is asked in a bias manner, as "...working under their own steam..." is an emotive phrase, implying it to be a desirable quality.

LilyTucker Sun 28-Jun-15 08:22:29

The list is huge.

Look at the education forums on here,the huge range of questions and detailed answers you get often from teachers,uni lecturers,parents who have come out the other side etc.

Previously you would have had none of that. Much of the information we get will influence us as parents and ultimately our dc's education.

LashesandLipstick Sun 28-Jun-15 08:28:34

I think so. While I think parents should be supportive, I think some parents are very over the top and interfering. The education is the child's responsibility - it's his problem if he doesn't do well.

LilyTucker Sun 28-Jun-15 08:29:37

Not always,it can be down to the school,SEN,circumstances......

LashesandLipstick Sun 28-Jun-15 08:32:06

Lily yeah a crap school that doesn't address issues is a problem. I didn't mean it's always the child's fault if he doesn't succeed - I simply meant spoon feeding and pushing isn't beneficial in my view, as its up to the child to decide if he wants to work hard or not.

JaWellNoFine Sun 28-Jun-15 08:35:37

From the millions of state vs grammar vs Indy threads over the years it has been constantly pointed out that parental involvement / engagement has a positive impact on a child's education. This parental engagement is often cited as one of the main reasons for the success of children going to Indies or many of those getting into grammar school (tutoring = parental involvement) and top set pupils at State comps...

My DD is in state high school and I work with the school for DD's benefit.
It is a good school with around 2000 kids. However it was only because I started questioning things and discussing her attainment that the school are now pushing her / helping her to raise her game, which is awesome. The head informed me that the school will not really engage with parents unless they show their interest. They have tried to help students with parents who don't give a damn but it generally doesn't work and staff are put in unsafe situations because of it.

Personally. My children = 100% my responsibility. It is not the schools or states job to ensure my children take every opportunity available .. that's my job as a parent.

LilyTucker Sun 28-Jun-15 08:39:14

But kids don't always pop out hard working. Many can be trained to put more effort in,to focus and produce decent quality homework.

One of mine never saw the point of the above,his school certainly didn't. Having giving him good working habits he is now going to secondary able to do all the above pretty effortlessly.I don't get how not educating him in all of the above,telling him how important it is and showing him how to do it would help him.

JaWellNoFine Sun 28-Jun-15 08:42:04

I think so. While I think parents should be supportive, I think some parents are very over the top and interfering. The education is the child's responsibility - it's his problem if he doesn't do well.

shock no.. It's the whole of societies problem ....

annandale Sun 28-Jun-15 08:42:52

I think it's impossible to know what people mean by the help they describe giving to their children unless you do a proper study. It's like thin people saying they ate a massive bowl of pasta by which they mean 35g, whereas if I said the same I'd mean 200g. I consider myself to be hands off to the point of slackness with ds but I have no idea if that's objectively true compared with others.
I have to say as well that what is the point of a child struggling with no help, when with help they could actually be learning? Maybe the teacher needs to know that they needed help IYSWIM but in fact the child may have leapt ahead once they'd understood. I still remember nearly everything about my school work that my mum explained to me 1:1, she was brilliant at putting hard concepts at my level, not surprisingly as she knew everything about me.

LashesandLipstick Sun 28-Jun-15 08:43:06

Lily I don't agree with forcing people to do things they don't want to do personally. By all means offer advice but if someone really hates school I'd try to find something they were good at and liked rather than force the issue.

I feel a lot of parents just want little darlings they can brag about A*s to their friends about. That's what I think is unfair

LilyTucker Sun 28-Jun-15 08:47:53

I disagree Lashes.

All our DC need to get jobs in order to survive. They need qualifications and are competing in a global market these days.

Obviously you should never force a kid to do what they are not capable of but they should always do their best. Sorry saying not working hard is ok just because they don't like school isn't going to do any child any good long term.

TheHumourlessHarpy Sun 28-Jun-15 08:49:53

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LashesandLipstick Sun 28-Jun-15 08:50:24

Lily, again that's up to them. I believe in explaining choices and responsibility to them, and allowing them to make their own choices. If knowing not working hard will make it harder to get a job, and they choose not to, that's up to them. I'd always be there for advice but I'm not there to boss them around - they are their own people

JustRichmal Sun 28-Jun-15 08:50:55

There was this thread back in May, which I think proves a good argument for getting more involved as parents.

LilyTucker Sun 28-Jun-15 08:54:53

Maybe at 18 but sorry up until then they are my responsibility and I want them off my hands one day.

Not sure how many 8 year olds have a big enough understanding of life choices and responsibility in order for me to hand it over to them. The same could be said for 10 year olds,12 etc....

JustRichmal Sun 28-Jun-15 08:55:43

I believe in explaining choices and responsibility to them, and allowing them to make their own choices.
Fine for an 18 year old, but an eleven year old? Really?

JaWellNoFine Sun 28-Jun-15 08:58:33

From what age do you do this, I mean DS 10 doesn't want to wipe his bum, he says 'it's not his way'.

You suggest this is his choice?

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