Y7 struggling with homework

[BatmanLovesBakedBeans]

My child is an August boy, in a grammar school, with traits of ASD (but doesn't tick all the boxes, so no DX)

He is struggling with homework - being organised with it, rather than actually doing it.

He has had 11 detentions since September as he has forgotten to write it down / take it in / do it.

I spoke to his Year Head two weeks ago after DS got two detentions in one day, and he agreed they're not working - he just sees them as part of school life. He has been put on homework report (for the second time). The first time was good, as the teachers made sure he was writing the tasks in it and signing it. That is not happening this time round.

I had a meeting with the Year Head last week and took along a Communication and Interaction checklist. The Year Head complained of things such as DS not looking at him when he speaks to him, and I explained that he won't give eye contact, he just won't. The Year Head was not keen to look over the checklist - I felt he didn't listen to me at all. He said that he had told DS that if he didn't do his homework on time then the school would be entitled to get rid of him, which shocked me at the time and I didn't challenge it. I am a primary teacher and I know that at that level we would work our fingers to the bone to get children through problem areas.

Sorry this is so long. I have another meeting next week with him, where my DS will be present. Any advice on how we can work together as home and school to help him get through this? Head of Year is very shouty (PE teacher ) and not great at listening I would say. I need a list to work through!

[JugglingLife]

My DS is in Y8 in a grammar school. They have a weekly planner that they take everywhere, all homework is logged in it in the lesson and then we sign it once a week. Does your DS not have a planner? If he does do you check it every single night and ask what homework he has?

[JugglingLife]

And what does your DS say? It is a big jump from Y6 to Y7 in terms of personal organisation, if your grammar is anything like ours they are absolute sticklers for it.

[BatmanLovesBakedBeans]

He has a planner, I look at it every night, but he's not writing the task in in any meaningful way, eg writing 'cword' for 'complete science vocab crossword' (we did decipher that one!) and then he can't remember when he gets home. He's not writing the due date either.

His focus in lessons is very poor - I've got no idea how I can help him with that either. He's not disruptive or anything, but his attention gets caught by eg displays, patterns made by cracks in the ceiling and so on. I imagine he is very frustrating to have in your class!

DS prefers secondary socially to primary (he had no good friends at primary), but has admitted he is struggling with organisation. We have timetables, bag checks, and so on - doesn't seem to be helping.

He's now admitted he's scared of the Year Head - part of me thinks that's good, part of me thinks he needs to feel safe. He has also just said he is upset by everyone asking him why he has to go and see Mr YH every day. To which I just want to say - 'write your bloody homework down, do it, take it in and then you won't have to see him, will you?'! But his self esteem's taken a battering so I'm trying to be reasonable...

[BatmanLovesBakedBeans]

He rarely looks me in the eye, no. He'll do it sometimes. Absolutely won't with people he doesn't know very well. No facial expressions to speak of either, if he's not sure how to respond in a situation. He can be very hard to read. Won't speak unless he thinks he knows what you want him to say. I do feel for his teachers, I really do

His YH did say he was cross with his teachers for not ensuring that his report is being signed, but I think DS should really be able to remind them to do that. His geog teacher, however, said that he hadn't been flagged up as a concern, so I think I might have to ask about that.

[BatmanLovesBakedBeans]

Thanks for the replies - it's my first time on the secondary forum. It's a big transition for parents too - especially since I am so enmeshed in the world of primary!

[JugglingLife]

Does he have a friend that he can compare planners with and fill the gaps in at the end of the day, maybe by text? You have so little control once they go up to senior, ultimately he just has to write down his homework and do it, all if his peers are so why isn't he? Is he struggling generally?

[JugglingLife]

A lot of children also go to the library at lunch time to get a head start on their homework, can he do that?

[BatmanLovesBakedBeans]

A buddy's a great idea, thank you - and texting friends.

His geog teacher (who is amazing) said there's an after school homework club, so I'm going to make him go to that.

He's not struggling with understanding the work - he's keeping up in class - just lacks focus which means he misses things and gets off to a slow start (writing date, LO etc)

[noblegiraffe]

Is he on the SEN register? Is it acknowledged that his difficulties with organisation form part of his SEN rather than him simply being a naughty boy who can't be bothered to do his homework? If it's a documented part of his SEN then the school would find it very difficult to 'get rid of him' as it would be a failure on their part rather than his. If nothing is documented, then talking to the SENCO about further assessment would be useful.

I think if you could find a friend in his class he could buddy up with to compare homework diaries with, that would be better than trying to get every teacher to monitor his homework every time it's set. Teachers just don't have the brain-space to remember every child who is on report.

[BatmanLovesBakedBeans]

He's not on the SEN register, but I think that's the way I would like it to go. I ticked so many boxes on the C&I checklist (bearing in mind I'm not impartial) that I think it would benefit him for people to understand he is genuinely finding it difficult rather than being lazy.

Am definitely going to investigate the buddy idea - that makes so much sense.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and ideas - its putting me in a much better place to speak to HoY

[Killasandra]

QuiteTheWoodsmen - virtually all children with ASD refuse to make eye contact. I'm really shocked to hear you say you find it surprising.

It's one of the most classic ASD traits.

OP - They absolutely can't get rid of your DS (which you know) - assuming it's a state school.

Push and push to get him put on the SEN register. They might push back and tell you SA and SA+ has now gone etc. Just stick to your guns. The fact that he's having this much problem with writing his hw down is evidence he needs to be on the register.

Then, I think you need to find a friend who he can ring or text and make sure he knows what to do for hw. This works for my DD.

Or lots of schools put the hw on the internet. Check to find out if his school does.

[Killasandra]

You have never had refusal by a child with ASD to look you in the eyes!!!!!

Wow.

Most children with ASD find it very uncomfortable to look people in the eyes. One of my DS can do it, but really hates it. My other DS won't do it ever, for any reason. Ever.

I never make my DS look me in the eyes, as I don't want to cause them discomfort for no good reason.

I'd be very upset if I found out their teacher was forcing them to make eye contact.

Of course I never would find that out. Because they would never tell me.

[Killasandra]

I guess what I'm saying is you should think whether using your position of authority to force a child to look you in the eyes is a good thing for them or not.

When I thought about it I decided it wasn't

[Hakluyt]

"OP - They absolutely can't get rid of your DS (which you know) - assuming it's a state school."

If it's a grammqr school they can- because there is a secondary modern he could be moved to. But he would have to show much more inability to cope than just not being able to manage homework.

Does he have a well organised friend? On days when he hasn't written stuff down, get him to ask the friend to take a picture of the planner page and send it to him. Ds does this regularly with his friends.

[Killasandra]

Hakluyt - are you absolutely sure? Which law allows you to expel a child from a state school for not handing in hw? Or even for not doing well academically?

[Hakluyt]

Oh, it wouldn't work if the parents dug their heels in, obviously. But people are sometimes put in a position where they can't refuse because it's "for the good of the child" Sorry- I didn't make myself clear because it's obviously not appropriate in this case.

[Killasandra]

Hakluyt - so now you agree he can't be expelled for not doing hw. You really shouldn't have said that he could then. Because he can't.

Nowt to do with the parents digging their heels in. It just can't happen.

[LeBearPolar]

At the school I teach at, we have moved to an online system whereby teachers set the homework task (what it is, when it was set, when it's due) and it is automatically emailed to all the students in that particular class. At DS's school, the Yr 7s have online planners and again, the teachers set the homework and it appears in DS's planner.

It does make a huge difference.