Yr7 Detention on fifth week

[jennyt19]

Don't know what to do with ds. He's on his fifth week at a very good school and he's already got detention. They operate a signature system whereby they get a signature for bad behaviour and once they have 5 signatures they automatically get detention. The signatures are for silly things like talking in class, forgetting his book or homework. He got his 6th signature today for "being silly in class and lack of effort"!! He's got the most signatures in his class and we're now worried. Doesn't bode well for the rest of his school life!

[LynetteScavo]

Well, maybe he will realise doesn't like detentions, and stop being silly, and put in some more effort?

Very good schools, don't get to me very good schools by accepting poor behaviour and lack of effort.

[MathsRC]

He needs to learn to behave.

You can't talk whenever you want. If the teacher wants to speak each student in the class has the right to hear the teacher - not your son.

If you forget your book how will he make good progress in that lesson?

Part of homework is having the organisational skills to get it in on time completed to the best standard you can.

All of these things can be rectified but your son needs to get on the ball asap.

[catslife]

Actually OP the 5 signature thing is quite generous. At dds secondary school it's possible to be given a Detention every time you forget a piece of homework.

[Ragwort]

They are not 'silly' things - they are things that a Y7 student needs to understand ............. he will learn, my DS got quite a few detentions in Y7, I fully backed the teachers if he tried to complain to me about it .

He is now Y9 and rarely gets a detention.

[LilithTheKitty]

He'll sort himself out soon. DS1 is in yr8 now but last year he had what is politely called a rocky start. It was the same sort of low level silliness. We had quite a few serious conversations with him. The school said it happens a lot with the new yr7s. He settled in after the Christmas and has been fine ever since.

[miaowmix]

My year 3 gets detention if she fails to bring in her homework or PE kit!

[PrivateJourney]

Forgetting homework is a detention first time here too.

My DC's get 6 chances re forgetting a pen etc though.

I think OP means they're "silly" mistakes for her DS to be making, rather than that the school is being silly punishing him for them, right?!

Some children find it harder than others to adapt to the organisational requirements of secondary, but given the right support at home, he will.

DS2 writes homework in his planner on the day it has to be in, as well as the day it's set, so that he can check the planner as he packs his bag and see which HW he needs to take IYSWIM.

DS1, who really struggled to begin with, has decided it's easier just to carry everything all the time, so he's never without the books he needs.

TBH, if I head my Dcs were being disruptive silly in class, detention would be the least of their worries!

[Lilythewonderdog]

Calm down, take a deep breath and trust your son. If he wasn't behaving like this at Primary chances are he's just testing each and every one of his teachers.
Quite often those that misbehave early on learn the lesson and move on. When they start misbehaving in y11 they come down on them like a ton of bricks.
If his signature thing is him being 'on report' rather than something applied to every child, you may have more to worry about. Being on report so early on is a problem. However... There are always reasons why kids misbehave and to rectify it is essential to find the trigger. Common ones:
1- unment educational need (struggling with work because of dyslexia or other disability that is either undiagnosed or not taken account of by the teachers)
2- need to see justice (seeing unfair punishments being handed out)
3- need to be noticed (attention seeking)
4- picking up resentment about school from home
5- need for revenge against the school/ teacher.
6- need for acceptance (trying to impress others to gain friends/stop bullying)

[catslife]

Secondary schools often have very high expectations of their pupils e.g. good organisation skills and behaviour in class.
This does take some adjusting to, so detentions at the start of Y7 are part of the sanctions to make sure he adjusts. I would check the school's policies e.g. Homework and behaviour policy to make sure that your ds (and you) are fully aware about the standards expected.
I wouldn't worry about other people in the class. Perhaps they have older siblings at the school and already know what to expect.

[RaisinBoys]

Doesn't bode well for the rest of his school life!

Oh jenny please don't over-react. From speaking with friends I think there is many a y7 that has had a detention already - good kids, well behaved kids who are just trying to process this huge change. It takes them a bit of time to get used to all the new rules.

I was told off by my DS yesterday as he almost got a behaviour log as neither DH or I had signed his planner (despite checking it daily and all homework being completed).

Your DS will settle down - he will be a different boy after half term, I'm sure. He has not blighted his school career!

[Caveat to above; if you have genuine concers about his behaviour/attitude speak to his tutor.]

[DaisyFlowerChain]

Detention here too for first time of forgetting homework so your system is very generous.

I always check DS's planner and bag every night to ensure he has everything he needs as its new to him. I'd rather check than him get in trouble for teething issues.

[diavlo]

My ds was given one yesterday because his homework wasn't good enough. I'm happy enough that they are tough from the beginning.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

My ds got a "stay in at lunch-time" thing (possibly a detention?) on his first day at secondary school for leap-frogging bollards on the way down to the Cathedral and/or back (outs self and ds ) but since he didn't know where to go (as first day) he just carried on as normal, going out to play with all the other children.
Luckily for him he seemed to get away with it with a kind teacher (who possibly realised they were being a bit strict for a first day? - and probably are worse things than leap-frogging bollards)
Anyway, it didn't set a precedent OP, and has become a story to tell
Hope all goes well for you and your ds x

[Blu]

That's only just over one signature a week over the 5 weeks, so I really wouldn't worry too much.

Maybe now he will realise that the signatures really DO result ina detention and check himself.

Suggest that every time he has an impulse to talk in class etc he asks himself 'will this lead to me being kept in?' and if the answer is 'yes' then desist!

In DS's school talking on class would have led to lunchtime detentions straight away.

[mummytime]

My DD has already had a detention, it doesn't mean she is heading towards being a young criminal. Detentions are good for learning about the consequences of their actions.
I do think needing 5 signatures sounds a bit generous.

[LynetteScavo]

My ds gets beak or lunch detention for missed homework....ds1 admitted recently he missed most of his beaks in Y7, but he preferred that to actually doing homework (a lot of Y7 home work was projects like make a model of X, which wasn't his thing)

[LynetteScavo]

My point is... DS1 is now a Y11 prefect, and while he still does the bare minimum homework, is basically an upstanding member of the school community.

[pointythings]

At the DDs' school you get a stamp in the diary for first missed homework, third time in a term it's a detention. My DDs know that there will be consequences at home if they are disorganised, so it happens very rarely - DD1 is somewhat more absent-minded than DD 2 so far.

I think detentions for unsigned planners are wrong though, kids whose parents can't be arsed can't help missing signatures and schools have to be sensitive to that.

OP, I think your DS is still getting used to life at secondary. Nothing wrong with letting him know you are disappointed in his behaviour and that he needs to be organised/stop chatting and being silly, but you're clearly supporting him well at home and he'll be fine.

[TalkinPeace]

LOL
Kid I know of got a detention on his induction day before even joining the school

[SonorousBip]

I think as a parent you have to delve behind the reason why demerits or whatever are given.

DS seems to get them fairly regularly for forgetting to sign back in after his weekly music lesson. (As DH points out, Pavlov's dog learned quite a bit quicker than DS ). I completely get why the school cracks down hard on this. DS doesn't get it, so if it takes an accumulation of demerits - which lead to a detention - so be it. While I'm not thrilled, I don't get particularly cross with him - I genuinely hope it rams the point home. When he got the same sanction for arsing around in the library, I was cross as it was very disrespectful to the librarian, and I let him know.

So I would look for the pattern.

[dorasee]

So normal in secondary. My DS had it every time he looked crooked at an insect. He got detention for breathing. I think it's a bit of boot camp. Trust me, by January your DS won't get detention. And by year 8 it just won't happen. The bad eggs are on isolation or else suspended. Detention is for the mild stuff. It's just a way of getting 11 year olds to get their act together. And trust me, if he's an innately good boy, he will.

[luxaroma]

DS has had two detentions, one for not using a ruler, the other for not getting his diary signed. We've chatted about why both things are important, I think it's a good way for the school to reinforce their high expectations, I'm fully behind the early attack on low level non compliance.

[cricketballs]

if you uphold the school's decision on detention rather than trying to get him out of it then it will work as an incentive to behave/hand in homework/do as he is expected to in lessons and around school. The problem arises when parents battle with the school and defend their PFB and try to insist they don't do the detention that's when it goes wrong which I have witnessed many times

[BobPatandIgglePiggle]

I teach 16+, many of whom have been kicked out of schools etc.

I wish someone had enforced the 'silly things before many of them hit the downward spiral.

Op - you need to support the school with their 'punishment' and definitely not refer to his forgetting things / talking in class etc as 'silly things' to him.

[chilephilly]

I agree cricket. I'm a head of year and it really annoys me when parents try to get their kids out of punishment for whatever atrocity they have committed. I had a conversation recently with a parent when there had been a fight and George (or whoever) had beaten seven shades of shit out of Fred (or whoever). Witnessed by staff and kids, and it was very clear from the witness statements what had happened. George's mum was adamant that George hadn't done it, he had acted in self defence because Fred had hit first. I said that wasn't the case according to witnesses and that George had said in his statement that he had hit first. She still refused to believe me, and even made a complaint against me. (George was excluded. )