Friends in year 10

[Carrie5608]

Please, I need some common sense advice.

Dd1 is start of year 10. She was moved at start of year 9 with her 2 best friends into a new form where they were not particularly welcomed by the girls in that form. The three them stuck together and got through the year. Now in year 10 and two best friends have made different choices and Dd is now in a form and subject classes with no friends.

She has no-one to go to lunch or break with and has spent last two weeks on her own. As she now GCSE level all classes have assigned seating and its boy/girl. She says she has little opportunity to make friends or pick up with people she new a bit from before.

So do I get involved? Do I leave her to it? Would form teacher or head of year be interested or able to do anything?

[Sparklingbrook]

Hi Carrie. I do have a bit of experience in this sort of thing unfortunately.

I would email the form tutor and explain the situation, and see what they say, in my experience they were very interested.

[Carrie5608]

Thanks sparkling, I will give that a go. Dd is a bit demoralised and to some extent has given up on the social side of school. Is working hard with a view to escsping to a sixth form college in 2 years but 2 years is a long time when you are 14.

[Sparklingbrook]

You feel so helpless though don't you? Thinking should I or shouldn't I get involved. They are at High School and you think ringing the teacher may be a huge no-no, because they are growing up and should be sorting it out themselves?

BUT on the occasions I have had to speak to the form tutor they have been very interested and concerned and really tried to help.

[Carrie5608]

Gosh definitely feeling helpless. I am not sure about this form teacher but will try and see. They have a trip coming up and she really wants to go but would need a friend.

[Sparklingbrook]

What's Head of Year like? may be another option, or someone who deals with Pastoral Care? I am sure they would want to know if a student was thoroughly miserable.

[Carrie5608]

I don't know who head of year is and Dd says she not sure who it is this year either. She has Ds's head of year for one of her subjects. I may ask her. Although I am sure Form teacher is the proper route they would expect parents to take. Last years HOY was lovely.

[Sparklingbrook]

Start with form tutor then, maybe an email outlining the difficulties of DDs situation or requesting them to call you?

[Purpleflamingos]

I can't help much but speak up to someone at school.

When I was at school they tried really hard to engage me with friends. I was difficult and it took a long time, I didn't want friends and was happy by myself. I had a lot going on at home (I was crying with acacia on educating the east end as I knew how hard it was spending nights in the hospital visiting.) but she does want friends so your dd will be much easier than I was.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

It ought to be fine, Y10's usually mix themselves about, form groups for music, drama, science practicals and help each other out with HW.

DD1, who finds the social side of school very hard, actually had friends and learnt people's names in Y10/11.

Hopefully it will all get better.

B/G seating is lazy classroom management in Y7, by Y10 it's really petty. Also very ineffective, DD1 chatters to boys.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

And DD2 just talks over them.

[Carrie5608]

Elephants do you think I should give it more time?

Purple sorry it was so tough for you.

She is being a little bit difficult and she refuses to forgive and forget past issues. I definitely think she is being a bit deliberately "i love being on my own" when she doesn't.

Dd2 will just love to be sat beside a boy!!

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

Yes I think you should give it more time before worrying too deeply.

That doesn't mean there is any harm in flagging it up with the HOY or other pastrol care person now if it's out of character and upsetting her.

I'm not sure teachers will expect Y10 to be feeling lonely, but with options it can happen.