Hanging out with new secondary school friends - what did you do?

[Celeriacacaca]

DS goes to secondary within walking distance and his friends are all close by and we know them and their families. DD has just started at a secondary further away and has made some new friends, which is great. They will want to get together outside of school so I'm just anticipating how you deal with this without knowing where the new friends live, not knowing the parents or whether there'll be an adult at home etc. I obviously don't want to stop her socialising but, at the same time, want to ensure she's going somewhere where she'll be safe. Any advice appreciated please!

[Ludways]

My ds has been meeting up with his friends in town for a few months now, so no homes or parents around, he's year 8.

If you're uncomfortable drop her off so you know where she is and you can nip in and meet the parents too. At the end of the day, she's older now and you need to start letting go, hard as it is.

[TeenAndTween]

DD1 for various reasons hasn't done a lot of this at all.

But my approximate rules of thumb have been:

• I want to know whose house she is visiting and address
• I tried to offer to pick up after first visit (so I could check out
• DD told if she feels uncomfortable to make excuse and leave, or ring us
• no sleepovers if she hasn't visited house before, unless we've met family

Before anyone jumps on me re checking out where/who she is visiting.
I don't care at all about size of house, tidiness etc.
I do care if there are uncontrolled dogs, older siblings doing drugs, massive rows occurring all the time etc.

[Celeriacacaca]

Thanks both. Like you Teen, I don't care about where/who other than for the types of reasons you've outlined. Good idea re if she feels uncomfortable to call etc and the sleepovers bit.

[BackforGood]

You ask her for their addresses, and you accept she's growing up and there might not always be an adult there.
You equip her with a phone, talk to her about the importance of keeping it charged and with her, and you let her know if ever she's uncomfortable with an adult in any of her friends homes, she can ring or text you and you will collect her.
I read on here a few times over the years that it's a good idea to have a code word - something you could slip into conversation but wouldn't normally be talking about... your Goldfish's name or 'lasagne' or something. She texts or 'miss calls' you, you call back, she mentions the word in conversation and you know she wants picking up. She doesn't lose face in front of her friends as you've called her (about some change in plans) so need to pick her up early.

[schokolade]

When I started secondary one of my new friends invited a group of about five of us around to her house for pizza and a movie. Her parents were out and just her 14 year old sister popped in to help with the oven at some point. We all felt really cool and grown up. Might have been during the day in the first lot of holidays.

[schokolade]

Just noticed that doesn't really answer your question. Sorry, extremely sleep deprived with baby