After School Detentions

[hippppy]

Please do not come in on the attack!

My son is at a secondary Free School, they are in temporary accommodation and tucked away. They have no bus route and are not near a train station.

The days are very long already. They HAVE to stay for an hour of clubs every day. Unfortunately these clubs do not seem too much fun... Juggling, Magic club, textiles.. (thats another story!)

My son recently has been labled G&T, and now G&T underachieving and SEN (because he is G&T) his behavior at school is getting out of control, he is rude and cheeky to teachers and is very bored in class.

He is grounded at home, no internet or phone. I have constantly tried to work with the school, I am in no way letting him off for his poor behavior at school!!!!


I have told the school I am going to remove him and put him into a normal state school. Unfortunately this will take up to 10 school days and I feel this has upset the Head.

He was suspended on Wednesday for being rude to teachers and the Head insisted I collected him. I do not drive and my son comes in a car share. I am a single parent on a very low income with two children and all week I have not been able to go to work. (self employed) A taxi back from the school is £30.

A couple of weeks ago the head insisted he came in on inset day, this resulted in two trains and a taxi. After this I wrote the head a long email stating that I simply cannot send him in taxi's home and I thought the school had accepted that.

He was naughty on Friday (I AM NOT TRYING TO EXCUSE HIS BEHAVIOUR!) and the Head rang me very late in the day saying he was going to KEEP my son and he would miss his lift home. I tried to explain I do not have the money to put him in a Taxi but the Head was very firm and insisted I would just have to find him a way home.

He is only 12, I do feel uncomfortable sending him in a taxi with a stranger. I had to ring four taxi companies as everyone was booked up and ended up putting him in a car with a firm I am not familiar with (CRB checked etc) He didn't get home until 6.45pm)

I do not think this school is the best place for my son. He is very unhappy there! I have spent hours on the phone trying to move him somewhere else. I have had many worries about the school but as it is new I have tried to work with them but its all getting out of control.

I do not have the money to put him in a taxi and i'm worried that this will end up costing me my job. This is costing me a fortune!

10 days left (ish) Can I refuse to allow the school to keep my son after school? Or can I home ed until he gets a place in the other school?

Thank you in advance

[EduardoBarcelona]

this does sound rather unreasonable of the school. Normally they would either offer to bring him home or work with you a bit.

[HPparent]

Assuming you have definitely got a place in the other school. I would keep him at home until he starts. It seems to me that the Head is being an absolute bastard and is deliberately trying to make your life as difficult as possible. You cannot afford taxis, there is no public transport and that is that. I would also contact your LEA's attendance dept and tell them that the Head is making life impossible for you and it is not possible for your son to attend school in these circumstances.
Make an appointment with the Senco or person who deals with student welfare at the new school so they are able to support your son when he starts.

[Unexpected]

Sounds very unreasonable of the school. However, aged 12, your son also needs to realise that he is threatening your livelihood and majorly affecting the family finances by his actions. What is he doing to be in detention so often?

Are you certain that he will get a place in another school in 10 days? Assuming you are on half-term at the moment, surely that's only another week until he changes? If so, I would try to hang on with school for that week. You could withdraw your son now and say you were going to Home Ed him, but if you are at work, he will be home alone and may well see that whole thing as a "reward" for bad behaviour. He gets a week off!

[Hakluyt]

Have you definitlely got a place at another school?

[PotteringAlong]

Legally the head is completely in the right - schools do not have to ask permission to keep children in detention, just inform you that they are doing so.

You need to talk to your son here. Does he get pocket money/ have a bank account? Then he needs to pay for getting home if he can't come home in the usual way.

[hippppy]

Thank you for the replies. @HPARENT I have already spoken with Senco at the school he will be attending, they have spaces and have dropped off a spare uniform so he can attend a trial day on Wednesday. I will phone the LEA again too. I do not feel it is a fair punishment as the school are aware of my situation.

Unfortunately it sounds as if the pupils at this school are becoming very unruly. Not just my son. Im hearing tales of kids throwing things at teachers, walking out of class and also teachers crying and having to seek help from other members of staff to control the class. Again, not my son..he is cheeky and can be rude and appear arrogant but he is not violent of abusive!

I have no idea what is going on, the Drama teacher is teaching English (she keeps marking my sons work with spelling and grammar mistakes when it actually correct) Lots of children are leaving.

My son is finding the long days very frustrating as he feels he is just not learning anything! I do think if I can move him somewhere that is more academic it would help hugely. He has been on a slippery slope since the school started in September.

Mostly he has been in trouble for being cheeky to teachers, answering back, not participating in Drama. And on Friday he was extremely naughty and set the fire alarm off at school. The head made it clear that I had no option and he was keeping him after school no matter how hard it was for me to get him home.

The days when I work are long(the school knows this!) and 1-2 hours away. I have no family close that can pick him up if they decide to keep him without notice.

I really am trying my best. My son is in big trouble at home and I have removed pocket money, treats, internet etc.. I wouldnt leave him home all day if I decide to remove him. I would just have to take more time off.. BUT I may have to do this anyway if the school decide to keep on this way.

Thanks again..

[hippppy]

I have taken the last of his birthday money to pay for a taxi as a punishment.

I have been told there is a space for him at another school. He is going for a trial day on Weds after half term.

Ive been told it can take 10 school days for the process to go through.. half term doesn't count!

[Nocomet]

Personally I'd just take him out of school and if any one asks, your HEing. There comes a point when you adding fines, no internet and other punishments does more harm than good.

As a bright, but rebellious Y3 said to me once "it doesn't matter what I do, I get in trouble at school, then miss talks to Mum and I get all my fun stopped at home too"

No one stepped back and asked why he miss behaved.

[EduardoBarcelona]

Most schools are holding onto kids these days. Is it a fresh start he's on? Excluding for stuff like that seems ott

[fourcorneredcircle]

Exclusion and detention for raising a false fire alarm are a light punishment. You do realise it's a criminal offence? The fire brigade can, and do, prosecute. Aside from that though, as others have pointed out the head is perfectly within his rights to keep him behind - what on earth made you choose a school that was so hard for your son to get to/from? I think you have to accept some responsibility for that. Ultimately, that was your choice, why should the school help?

[hippppy]

It does. He started at the start if year 7 in September - brand new school.

The head is making things really hard for me. No matter how hard I try and explain he still keeps issuing after school DT's!

If the school had a bus, what near a station or walkable to a bus stop then ok. But I feel a taxi so late on the evening with a stranger is not a safe or reasonable way for my son to get home. Plus it's £30!

I have gone to meetings (some very poinltess) parents evenings etc and have not complained about transport. This is really stressing me out! To some it would simply be a case of getting in their car and picking up an hour later, but to me (and I'm sure others) the punishment is really on the parent not the child.

I am thinking about making a complaint, unsure who too first. The school are not listening!

Thank you for all the replies. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that thinks this is unreasonable..

I think I will call LEA tomorrow for advice and ask about home ed for the time being.

[hippppy]

Thanks mouldingsunbeams.

And to the attack..

We live in quite a rural area, all schools are at least a bus away. There was talk at the beginning of the year our area may have a coach supplied, but this did not happen. A car share scheme was put in place. The school is not a million miles away but awkward to get to. It was a gable sending him to the free school and one I now regret.

Yes setting off the fire alarm is bad. I am not saying it isn't! I am just trying to find a way to get through the next couple of weeks as I cannot afford taxi's! So get off your high horse.. Knew this would happen!

[hippppy]

Gamble not gable! On my phone..

[hippppy]

I am trying to do everything via email now so I have a copy. Thank you.

[fourcorneredcircle]

Why would the free school contact the LEA? They are out of their control. I think the most likely people they will talk to will be your sons next school so that they can pass on exactly what the issues have been. It is also likely that the new school will contact them and not the other way around. Be prepared for your son being watched like a hawk and the school being unprepared to accept te slightest misdemeanour before coming down hard.

[fourcorneredcircle]

I'm not trying to attack it just doesn't seem that you understand how serious this is and that the school haven't done anything 'wrong'. Your son haant being 'naughty' he has broken the law and repeatedly broken school rules. I'm also trying to tell you that your sons cards will now be 'marked' and you may have to deal with a lot worse before it gets better. Yes, it was a gamble to choose this school and I'm sorry it didn't work out for your family but I think you're on an equally high horse talking of single parent families and taxi fares and a journey that YOU chose to put in your child when there were other schools available.

[Wickeddevil]

I agree with Nocomet. This cant be any fun for your DS.
Hope you get sorted out soon. I think this is about the future not the present and think it is unlikely that your son will learn anything further at this school. I would Home Educate him and not send him back.

[EvilTwins]

You chose to send your son there, so this is your responsibility. The fire alarm issue is serious and I think an after school detention is a very light punishment - if he was at my school, he would have had at least a 1 day exclusion and you would have been called in for a re-admission meeting with the Head.

Also, the Drama teacher may well be perfectly qualified to teach English. I have an A Level in English (grade A) and a very good degree in English & Theatre but currently teach Drama, so get off your own high horse!

[fourcorneredcircle]

Thanks EvilTwins - I thought I was alone in this horse high world.

[clary]

FWIW if a child set off the fire alarm at the school I work at they would be permanently excluded.

I know because this has happened while I have worked there.

Having said that OP, if he is moving to another school then I would let the school know and remove him. It is a shame that you are so far from all schools. Is there any way (as a longer term measure) you could move house or learn to drive to make your life a bit easier?

[hippppy]

Oh for gods sake, what a load of nonsense.

I have only ever tried to do what is best for my son. The school promised the earth! Are options are very limited here and unless you have cash or are of faith the catchment schools are really not the best. I am regrettably pulling him from this school and having to send him to one that I have not heard the best things about. Saying that, I have spoken with them in length and they have been very supportive.

I think you will find I'm on a very small donkey rather than a high horse. £30 is a lot of money at the moment! Other schools are at least commutable, so I think this is an unfair punishment on me!

It is very easy for a school to point a finger at one child than except there is a bigger issue within the school. As I have said, lots of children are leaving! I have remained polite and apologetic for my sons behavior but there will come a time where I simply do not have £30 in my purse.. How can that be fair!

Anyway, I'm taking him out and I feel home ed until he starts the other school will probably be best!

[hippppy]

Thanks clary.. I'm learning to drive at the mo.. And also thinking of moving to get in a better catchment.. I know what he did was naughty and I am just trying to do what is best!!!