Advice re : Exclusion in Secondary School

[kateyh03]

I could really use some advice please. My son, who is in year 9, was excluded from school on Friday. He and a friend have been poking each other during lessons, which I do not condone, and his friend ended up with a couple of bruises. His Mum saw the bruises and complained to the school. Both boys involved have said they were messing about, there was no malice, that they are friends and both as bad as each other. Because my son had left a couple of bruises on his friend he was excluded on the grounds of physical assault. We have to go in school next week for a Re-inclusion meeting and am not sure what to expect. I have spoken to my son as this is unacceptable behaviour, and the fact that he has left marks on another child is dreadful. I'm just not sure that excluding him was the right course of action. Any advice on how to deal with this situation, and my son, would be greatly appreciated.

[LushAndVerdant]

I assume this is a fixed term exclusion. You might find some useful information on the ACE website.

[AuntieStella]

Exclusion would not be used for a first offence as you describe it.

I thinkyou need to steel yourself to hear considerably more about your DS's behaviour in school (and work out how he has kept it hidden from you). And work out a method of communication with the schoo that will be considerably more reliable than to date.

[TalkinPeace]

Exclusion would not be used for a first offence
Depends on the school policy.
Violence towards another pupil is often instant exclusion.

[AuntieStella]

Poking in a lesson isn't classified at violence; even if it leaves a bruise it would not lead to a prosecution.

Perhaps it will prove to be an isolated incident. But please don't overlook the chances it isn't.

[angelcake03]

The school have said they usually exclude for three days but as it's a first offence, and he has no prior misdemeanours, they have excluded him for one day. They have said because he has left bruises on another child it is classed as a physical assault. Both boys have admitted poking each other but my son didn't end up bruised. I just want to make sure I deal with my son the best way to avoid this happening again, both poking another child, and misbehaving in class.

[admission]

The school can exclude for this, if they believe that it is justified. The fact that they have fixed term excluded for 1 day (which is nearly the minimum possible), says to me that this is the school putting down a marker. I suspect that Auntie Stella is correct. You are going to hear more about that your son has been a pain in the b*m in the school with low level stupidity and this is the school trying to make him realise that it has to stop now before it gets to being serious.
The re-inclusion meeting will be the point where the school staff will be laying down the law to your son and saying if there is more problems that there will be more exclusions. They could actually suggest splitting the two of them up, to try and improve classroom behaviour. I suggest that you also need to take a firm line with him, so he realises that this si not acceptable.

[Icimoi]

The letter telling you about the exclusion should have informed you of your right to have the exclusion considered by the governors. Whether you take them up on that will depend on what you are told about ds' behaviour, but if he doesn't have past history then, on the face of it, he should not have been treated any differently from his friend: they were both guilty of physical assault, and it may simply be that his friend bruises more easily than he does.

[ravenAK]

The re-inclusion meeting is a requirement: it'll usually be a meeting between you, ds & someone Pastoral (Head of Year or whatever - different schools structure it differently).

He may be in Isolation for a day as part of the process; my school does this for all fixed term exclusions. Or he might be on some sort of report for a week or two.

Basically, it's about gauging whether he 'gets' that he was behaving unacceptably, & that next time the consequences will be more severe, & also checking that you understand this & support what the school's doing to address his behaviour.

As AuntieStella says, you should probably be prepared to hear that this isn't the first incident involving your ds!

If it is a genuine one-off/both boys pratting about, then it does seem a fairly severe punishment; equally, year 9 boys quite often underestimate the damage they do to each other.

I have one in my tutor group (nice lad but daft as a brush) who was genuinely taken aback to be excluded for bloodying his best mate's nose in the course of what he sees as 'just messing' - he's had to have it explained to him very clearly that if he'd done similar outside of school, he could have been arrested & charged with assault.

I'd just see it as a lesson ds needs to learn tbh. He's getting a bit old to go round poking people...

[intheenddotcom]

Exclusion could be used in a first offence if it was a serious assault. The fact that both (and both is key - as often teens excuse poor behaviour as messing) boys have admitted to messing about suggests either the school is wanting to please other parent (perhaps has complained about this type of behaviour in the past) or that there is something else going on with your son that warrants this punishment.

[13Stitches]

Remember that "poking" in a lesson could also be kids poking each other with pens, up through the holes in the wooden science lab stools, and could be considered more of a sexual assault. Yr9 boys are the most likely to be involved in this behaviour IME.

I second the idea that there is probably much more to this that the OP may have previously dismissed or the child has hidden from her.

[NearTheWindymill]

Poking each other in lessons goes beyond a couple of bruises though doesn't it. It generally means that learning is being disrupted for what, 28 other children, who might want to learn. It means a teacher is constantly having to interrupt a lesson that he or she has spent hours planning perhaps. It is behaviour that upsets the equilibrium of the class and dilutes learning and teaching. It frustrates the rest of the school community and equates to very poor citizenship. That I hope is why an exclusion was used OP - the embedded disrespect for everyone else around them. That I think is why you need to support the school and stop focusing on a bit of "poking" or whether a tiny bruise resulted or not.

My view, I'm afraid OP, is that if your son and his friend want to muck about to the detriment of everyone else, and I'm quite sure they will have been given chance after chance, then they should face sanctions.