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head master was aggressive intimidating and angry when challenged about my daughter being assuaulted at school

(20 Posts)
f1987 Fri 04-Apr-14 09:08:21

My daughter was assaulted at school a girl pulled her hair and punched her and my daughter had no choice but to hit back in self defence,the school did not suspend or punish the girl who is in 6th form and my daughters year 11 doing gcse,so i challenged for an appointment with the headmaster which i eventually got from the start of the meeting he was aggressive and said he had to power to destroy lives and made threats in a round about way that if i insisted the other was punished he would expel my daughter,he was very loud and intimidating and put my daughter down every chance he got,she has never been in fights in her whole 5 years at the daughter had a black eye scratches on both sides of her face and a swollen nose.I burst into tears in the office as he was so nasty and i felt i could not state my case or stand up for my daughter as he would of expelled her,he did all this infront of 2 other teachers i am upset and shocked i had a family member with me who also heard the same and felt he was aggressive and threatening and intimidating.why would he do this to parents concerned about their child and if i complain he said he has witnesses which would be the 2 other teachers which i presume he means they will side with him,what should i do about this im very upset

HPparent Fri 04-Apr-14 09:17:08

Look on the school's website and make a complaint straight to the Chair of Governors. I would also contact your local councillors. If you know any of the parent governors it might be helpful to have an informal chat. They often know a great deal of what might be behind incidents like this.

You might also consider contacting one of the anti bullying charities for advice on legal and procedural matters.

Don't let some aggressive bastard intimidate you, complain, complain complain.

HPparent Fri 04-Apr-14 09:18:34

Write down whatever you can remember now while it is still fresh and send the quotes directly to the Governors as part of your complaint.

RedRoom Fri 04-Apr-14 09:22:10

Sorry this has been upsetting. The next step if you wish to make a formal complaint about the head is to approach the board of governors, as they are the only rung higher than the head.

Contact details may be on the school website. If not, contact reception and ask about the complaints procedure, asking for details of how to contact governors. Don't tell the receptionist the nature of the complaint as a) it is nothing to do with the school reception and b) school receptionists have a habit of telling gossip to all staff that pass through. No offence to any school receptionists.

RedRoom Fri 04-Apr-14 09:23:20

^^ forgot to add, but other posters mentioned it- yes, it's the Chair of the Board of Governors that you want contact info for.

3littlefrogs Fri 04-Apr-14 09:23:48

Police. The assailant is well over the age of criminal responsibility. If this happened on the street you would call the police, just because it happened in school makes no difference.
GP for documentation of injuries.

The headmaster sounds like an incompetent bully.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Fri 04-Apr-14 09:27:53

Write everything down that you can remember in as much detail as you can. Everything he said, everything you said, how you got upset, everything. Sign and date.

Get family member to do the same. Get them to sign and date.

Get your daughter to write down full details of the incident. Sign and date.

Any witnesses to the incident? The same.

Photos of the injuries.

And then as HPparent says - send to the Chair of Governers.

Nocomet Fri 04-Apr-14 09:47:43

Sounds like the heads being a lazy thoughtless arse, doesn't want to sort out trouble when both parties involved have Exams and it's so close to Easter.

Total insensitive, having a go at you for daring to complain.

My DDs in Y11 and I don't know what I'd do. My first instinct would be police for assault, but this close to her exams, DD just has no spare mental energy for any more stress.

If there is no previous trouble between them, I'd keep photos, Drs possibly and go straight to the police if anything happened again.

As for the HT I'd let them rot, DD1 has a collage and a school sixform offer, she'd be taking the former.

Abuelita Fri 04-Apr-14 11:08:17

All state schools should have a Bullying Policy on their websites. If it's not there, ask for a copy.

All schools, state or private, should have a complaints procedure. Follow it to the letter and keep a copy of all correspondence (don't phone - email or write).

The Department for Education gives advice (see below) but be aware you have to go through the school's complaints procedure first.

In the meantime you can give your view about the school on Ofsted's parent view (see below). You can give your opinion about such things as how well the school responds to concerns or deals with bullying.

MoominMammasHandbag Fri 04-Apr-14 11:17:28

I would get her through her exams first, get her a place somewhere else for A levels, then go all out for the bastard. You won't be the only person he's treated like this OP; I imagine all the staff and governers know exactly what he's like.
Police, press, OFSTED, whatever it takes. At the very least you have the power to make life uncomfortable for him.

TheKnightsThatSayNee Fri 04-Apr-14 11:21:38

I agree I'd wait till after her exams then let all hell lose. Your daughter needs to see that you do not tolerate bulling from other kids or teachers.

f1987 Fri 04-Apr-14 12:49:16

Thank you for all your replies,i did take photo's of my daughters face and her nose is still sore so iv booked her in the doctors to get daughters exams are the reason i had to keep quiet at the meeting as i did'nt want him to expel her as he stated and she is very stressed and isolated in school i pick her up every lunch time and bring her home for lunch.I mentioned bringing the police in and he was annoyed and said because my daughter hit back defending herself he will basically say they were both fighting as his evidence and they will both get a record.i understand the other girl if expelled would possibly ruin her education but i asked for some sort of punishment,i also have a younger son in year 9 at the school aswell as my 19 year son doing his A level exams so im backed in a corner at the moment.
He was so angry he said you reep what you sew and you made your bed you lie in it,iv googled him but cant find nothing although i possibly can have an informal chat with a parent governor.i was shocked the two other teachers let him say all this with anger.

Finola1step Fri 04-Apr-14 12:56:46

Hold fire for now. Log everything. Get your dc through their exams and do everything you can to move them for September. Then go down the formal complaint route. Chair of Governirs and Parentview.

Don't be so surprised about the other teachers. If he is that awful, then he's probably bullying his staff too. He will make sure that they back up his version of events, that's why they were there.

MillyMollyMama Fri 04-Apr-14 17:37:31

Is this an independent school? If they take 9 - 19 it sounds like it. If it is, I would have no faith in any complaints procedure or the Chair of Governors. They will stick together and the Chair will be given the information you were - the it takes two line. Staff will always back the Head in public. They will ruin their careers if they don't. I have had one say the total opposite of what she told me when she was required to give the information in front of the Head.

Get your exams done and then leave. Who on earth wants to be at a school like this?

NearTheWindymill Sat 05-Apr-14 21:11:24

He can't just expel your daughter without following a procedure - also, does your dd have witnesses of who started the fight. I think you need to set out your concerns in writing.

Why do you collect your dd at lunch time.

f1987 Sun 06-Apr-14 22:33:39

Hi thank you for all your advice the school is an Academy now so the local authority can not be complained to.My daughter has a witness who says who started the fight which was the other girl but the head master said they were both fighting when the teacher came out because she was defending herself as iv told him,so he said he could expel her for fighting and threatened to if i kept asking for the other girl to be punished in some way.My daughter asks to be picked up at lunch as the other girl has turned her friends against her so she is on her own at break and lunch with no one.I tried to explain the effect this has had on my daughter and he just said i cant make people be friends,My daughter has exams and all this has knocked her for six and affected her social life but he did'nt care he was angry and aggressive and called me vindictive its shocking he can act like this i thought violence in school was not to be tolerated.I will complain after the exams but what good it will do i don't know as he will use the other teachers to back his story and im sure they wont risk their jobs.I am asking around parents if any have had to meet with him.

rabbitstew Sun 06-Apr-14 23:39:25

f1987 - the HT's behaviour, from the way you describe it, sounds totally out of order. He should understand that you would, as a parent, be extremely upset about your dd's injuries and want to feel that something positive was being done about what had happened, and he should therefore have been patient with you and explained what the school was doing about the situation and to support your dd (and the other girl), and why, rather than being aggressive, intimidating and unpleasant. However, I can't help noticing you avoid mentioning how injured the other girl was, whether she has a track record for fighting, whether there is any evidence whatsoever that she started it, except the word of your dd. If you don't know any of these things (and I don't see why you should...), then why on earth did you go in insisting on the other girl being punished??? Why, on the basis of the evidence the school has (no doubt one girl saying one thing and the other girl another), would the other girl be the one punished and not your dd? It would be a very odd school that would punish one girl and not the other purely on the basis of the parent of the other girl insisting on it, because, unsurprisingly, the parent believed their own offspring and didn't have any interest in any other kind of evidence.

rabbitstew Sun 06-Apr-14 23:42:49

Tbh, I can see how it would be considered a bit vindictive to insist on another child being suspended or otherwise punished if your own child has not been punished at all for fighting, either, and there is no concrete evidence to show which child started it. I suspect the HT is regretting not suspending both your dd and the other girl, rather than taking into account their need to attend school prior to exams.

f1987 Mon 07-Apr-14 00:16:59

Rabbit,They have said nothing about the other girl having injuries and yes the other girl has done it before, a witness give the school a statement stating the other girl assaulted dd and started it,but even so i asked what they would do to help dd and he did not respond in anyway to that.It was not a nice meeting at all .

rabbitstew Mon 07-Apr-14 10:26:11

It all does seem a bit bizarre. Is the school doing badly in other ways?

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