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Not taking DS1 to Parents evening. Is that ok?

(20 Posts)
Sparklingbrook Wed 12-Mar-14 07:45:08

Parents' Evening tonight <sigh>

We have always taken him in the past. But I now think it hinders the conversation and the honesty from both the teachers and us.

School don't mind either way.

What do you think? Does it matter?

TamerB Wed 12-Mar-14 07:50:18

I never took them when young, I wanted honest conversations. I started taking them at 15/16 when they might as well get the honest opinions without a middle person- they are the ones who need to act on it.

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 12-Mar-14 08:49:42

How old is he? My ds is y8 - for their y7 parents' evening, their attendance was optional, and I didn't take him, and don't plan to this year. dd1 wasn't expected to go until 6th form (although I feel like I've been to two with her - so maybe they were expected in y11 as well). Dd2 is always expected to go, and tbh there have been times when I'd rather she hadn't been there so I could speak a bit more plainly about her than when she's sitting right there! Nothing she doesn't know that I think already, just that I don't want to embarrass her.

So unless he's y11 or older, if you don't have to take him, personally I wouldn't.

Martorana Wed 12-Mar-14 08:54:17

Hmm. I'm torn on this one. Dd's school expected it from Year 7, and I wasn't convinced at first. But I now think it's a good idea- it doesn't seem to stop either side being honest, and if found it very useful to see how dd interacted with the teacher, and vice versa.

If there was something specific I wanted to say/ask without th dc I would make a separate appointment.

Sparklingbrook Wed 12-Mar-14 09:33:22

He's 14, Year 10. Only 2 teachers actually asked us to make appointments with them. The others we are seeing are our choice.

My thoughts were that they see DS all the time. he knows what's expected. We have his report and know the subjects he needs to put more work in on IYKWIM.

coco44 Wed 12-Mar-14 12:50:53

At our school all pupils are expected to attend, but at primary they don't attend at all.

coco44 Wed 12-Mar-14 12:51:33

If 2 teachers have said they want to see you, then that is quite serious .I would def take him!!

Sparklingbrook Wed 12-Mar-14 13:00:49

Well the two that want to see us have apparently told every pupil the same thing coco-they want to see them all. shock So the queue for them will be unbelievable. sad

Sparklingbrook Wed 12-Mar-14 20:11:17

We went, we survived. DS1 stayed at home. I don't know how teachers do Parents' Evening. It looks really stressful.

BackforGood Fri 14-Mar-14 00:14:46

I don't think I could have ever found all of any of my dcs teachers if he hadn't been there to guide us grin

Nocomet Fri 14-Mar-14 00:38:53

DD2 went to gymnastics and I went to her Y7 parents evening.

There really was nothing to discuss, she'd met her targets and only got one detention she sort of half deserved.

DD1 has always come, she's dyslexic and there's usally something to talk about.

DD2 is coming this year and I hope someone suggests more work and less chat. I think the top set Y8 girls are getting slightly too big for their boots after years of glowing reports.

Sparklingbrook Fri 14-Mar-14 06:42:15

It did worry me Back we got a map of where all the teachers were. But when the child isn't sitting there the teachers din't know whi you are. DH said we should have name stickers. grin

I think that's the way to go NoComet, take them if you feel there's something to discuss.

I liked it that the teacher couldn't say 'How do you think you are doing' as an opening question though.

AtiaoftheJulii Fri 14-Mar-14 08:04:28

God yes - is the answer anything but a muttered "alright"?

Martorana Fri 14-Mar-14 08:27:31

"liked it that the teacher couldn't say 'How do you think you are doing' as an opening question though."

Really? I really like it when teachers say that- I think it's a good idea to find out what the end user thinks!

AtiaoftheJulii Fri 14-Mar-14 08:32:14

Really? What do your kids say? I know already how mine think they're doing in everything because they talk all the bloody time about it all at home, but as soon as they are put on the spot by a teacher (who they know perfectly well and can talk to completely articulately in class) they clam up.

Sparklingbrook Fri 14-Mar-14 08:36:10

Exactly Atia. Spend the first valuable twenty seconds of the meeting while DS1 clams up, and looks like a rabbit in the headlights when asked that question.
DS1 knows how he's doing as he sees the teachers all the time and gets grades shoved down his throat every day. grin
I want to ask the teacher 'how do you think he's getting on.

Martorana Fri 14-Mar-14 08:36:49

I don't usually get any surprises- mine don't shut up either! But I do like to see how they interact with the teachers. And I would be a bit concerned if one of mine wasn't able to speak up. Isn't that one of the things schools should be teaching them to do?

Sparklingbrook Fri 14-Mar-14 08:39:26

I think it depends on the child TBH Martorana. DS1 is a fairly quiet type who doesn't like putting his hand up etc. So I would be amazed if he was chatty with his teachers, especially with his Mum and Dad sat there.

AtiaoftheJulii Fri 14-Mar-14 10:10:44

Oh, once the conversation starts, they're fine, and I completely trust that they are fine at school too smile I just think it's a terrible way to open a conversation.

Sparklingbrook Fri 14-Mar-14 12:05:54

A couple of years ago DS1 muttered 'ok' to the question. Then the teacher proceded to tell us how it wasn't ok. sad He voted with his feet and dropped the subject for GCSE.

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