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DD being used to support struggling child

(8 Posts)
pugsandseals Thu 27-Feb-14 12:31:03

DD is constantly asked to help the same child who struggles academically & has had lots of detentions, been on report etc. DD can be quite 'away with the fairies' too, but has worked really hard over the past couple of years to get to the top of the class - which of course now carries the teachers expectations that she will stay there! DD finds him very stressful at times & can become very separated from the other girls in her year. Other times she loves spending her time with him!
My question is - how much should we be accepting teachers always asking her to help him/get him to the next lesson on time/not lose things etc? It is affecting her ability to make/keep other friends & wind some of the other teachers up because they know she is capable of being so independent!
What can we ask of her tutor?

YoureInMySystemBaby Thu 27-Feb-14 12:38:07

I would start by addressing all of these concerns directly with the school/the tutor. Using a 'buddy' system is a good idea in one sense, I'm sure there are lots of children who benefit and react more positively from peer support, however, when it starts to have a detrimental effect on the child (your DD) who is being used as the buddy, it's unacceptable!

There's a difference between a year 6 child spending 30 minutes reading with a reception/yr 1 child, and a child taking on the responsibility of (from what you have said) a teaching assistant!!!

I personally would not be happy if I were in your situation.

AMumInScotland Thu 27-Feb-14 12:41:45

If this boy requires help to get to the next class, then he needs proper adult support, not another child being made to take responsibility for him. Same with helping him in class - if he needs help, that's the teacher's job, with a dedicated support person if required.

If your DD can continue to be his friend, and a supportive friend at that, then that's lovely, and should be encouraged. But they're asking a lot more then friendship from what you describe.

MrsSquirrel Thu 27-Feb-14 12:50:06

IIWY I would talk to the tutor/head of year and express the concerns as you have here. They sound perfectly reasonable to me. DD finds the other child very stressful at times and the arrangement is causing her to become separated from others in her year. Not only is the arrangement of no benefit to dd academically, you believe it is have a detrimental effect on her socially as it is affecting her ability to make and keep other friends.

pugsandseals Thu 27-Feb-14 13:26:24

I work in primary schools so feel a bit unsure as to how secondary kids are put to task helping others. But the consensus here is that I wouldn't be seen as unreasonable asking them not to ask her to help him?

LastingLight Thu 27-Feb-14 13:56:56

It sounds as if the school is taking advantage of your dd and I think you can quite reasonably ask them to stop doing that.

toolatetobed Thu 27-Feb-14 23:38:06

I agree with the other posters. Perfectly reasonable to raise your concerns with the school.

Nocomet Thu 27-Feb-14 23:47:17

I would write pretty much what MrsSquirel says.

It's one thing that DD1 spends a lot of time helping her science Gcse class as it consolidates her learning. (It's arguable she ought to be in the triple set).

This is quite different to Y7 when the teacher kept her in an insane science set purely to get some work out of a really dopy practical group.

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